I see this quote a lot, and have no choice but to focus on my blessings. My life has been a series of things not turning out the way I planned, and since there isn't a whole lot I can do about that, I look at the good things.
I also look at the bad things, not so much as "problems", but as "the way it is until it gets better", and maybe that's healthier than calling it a "problem"?
Like this past week. I haven't been feeling very well, but not too many people will know about it. In fact, just my mom, husband, and Serena knew. I had a slight "bug" while Natalie was home, and for the past few days, I've had a migraine that wouldn't go away, even with medication. I took a second dose of a medication that usually works with just one, and I was awake most of the night with pain and breathing problems.
This isn't my "problem", nor is it my "blessing". This is the way my life is and has been for many years. I don't feel sorry for myself, I don't ask for pity, I don't look for attention from everyone, and I don't make excuses. But this is something that has not been completely resolved with time or medication thus far, and I've had to adjust my life around it. Everybody has "something". This is my something.
As my husband reluctantly took me to town to print a picture I needed for my brother-in-law's benefit, I said to him, "I can do small things like this, but I know I would never make it through a school day or a work day anymore." To hear myself say that out loud is just a realization that although I am somewhat better than I used to be, I am not completely healed, and my life is still not "normal" like I want it to be. I still want to be fully functional. When I described my latest 8 day "low grade" migraine to my neurologist, he didn't seem shocked, and because I'm not trying to work, he doesn't want to mess with my medication at all. I don't do well on medication shifts...
So, for now, it is what it is, and I accept it as positively as I can, because the alternative is to be whatever that is. I don't know because I won't go there. Maybe I sound resolved or accepting of this as my life, but understand that I've been everywhere with this, and peace seems to be where I need to land. I do see the blessings, as the man I married is who God chose for me. He knew who I would need to care for me, and who I would be able to care for. Steve has said many times that he wants me home and not out working, because he wants me healthy, and he works hard so I am able to be here. Our kids have had the benefit of having me at home. So, while I haven't been the healthy woman I want to be, I see where God has provided and Steve feels I have been the one God sent for him too. So, even as ill as I've been, God has used me to care for someone else. This is my ultimate blessing, to have cared for my family. I always joke that maybe this illness was used to keep me tame, since I had a tendency to be a bit spirited when I was feeling well!
So another quote may fit here better, "It is what it is, but it will become what YOU make it", and I try to make the best of it. I am usually able to rest up after a long migraine, and for the most part, I don't have too many obligations anymore. I tend to stay away from those, because I can't stand letting people down. But I did get my photo done for the benefit, and I am excited to see who bids on it on Saturday. I feel good that I can at least do small things well. And a lot of small things can add up to a big success, at least for me.
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