Friends,Family,Fighting,Forgiving....

The holiday season is upon us,and that means lots of time running into people in stores,parties,and all the family gatherings. You may be thinking that's wonderful,or you may be like some people I talk to,and you might not be looking forward to the holidays at all. Holidays aren't all sunshine and rainbows for some people,and let's face it,we didn't all come from the Brady Bunch,so not everyone has 72 great photos to share on their social media every time there's a family get together! It can be a hurtful time for some people,while others are celebrating and enjoying each other's company. Relationships with people can be really tough sometimes! Especially family. Especially friends. Okay,maybe both!

What's really sad is that these people can exist within your own circle of friends or family. The very people you think you can depend on to love, support and understand you sometimes turn out to be the people who turn on you,or don't really seem to support you at all. I'm always saddened by the number of people who are suffering from this type of insincere "love". Some people don't feel they can leave these relationships,because "family doesn't leave family",but how do you continue to insert yourself in a place where you don't feel wanted or even needed? How do you continue to approach those who seem like they don't even want you around? When is it okay to just walk away from these types of situations? What if it's family? How does that translate when you're forced to meet every Thanksgiving and pass that cranberry sauce? What if you live in a small town and you see that friend all the time? It's just not easy to be at odds with anyone. It hurts! And yet,we have to also consider what all that turmoil is doing to us inside too. When we've done all we can do to be kind,be at peace,and be as loving as we are allowed with someone and we still get nowhere,it gets to a point where we are breaking our own hearts to stay in a place we are not welcome. I feel whether it is a long-term friendship or a family member,there are times you have to walk away, especially if it is affecting your well-being.

We are commanded to love one another. Yes.

John 13:34 Love one another. As I have loved you,so you must love one another. 

We are also called to forgive. Yes.

Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 

 But are we called to keep toxic people on our speed dials? No. You can love someone,forgive them,and also move on without them in your life. And all of that is fine with God. He never told us we had to be doormats in order to follow Him and be so-called "good Christians." We are to follow Christ. He was no doormat! We are not being asked to push people into loving us back,whether it's our family member or even an old friend. Sometimes we have to give ourselves or that other person space. This may look or feel like desertion on on your part,but if it's done with love in your heart and for the good of both of you,then this is a loving gesture,whether it feels good or not. Something I've learned over the years is that love doesn't always feel good. Sometimes love feels like a very hard decision done well.

We should always be kind and tender-hearted,but never be a fool. It hurts me very much to have to end relationships or stop trying with people I care about very much. It breaks my heart when someone just gives up on me when I don't feel I've done anything wrong. It's at these crucial points that we need to do the proverbial "let go and let God",and give those relationships over to the One who can heal them.

 When it's your family doing the hurting,you will have to face them again at some point. Sadly it's usually when someone in the family passes away. This is more common than people realize.  Families are complicated. Families are all different,and unless you grew up in that house with those people with that situation and those circumstances,you have no business judging those choices,feelings,situations,etc...Honestly,everyone becomes a Judge Judy when it comes to what people should do about their family rifts. Pray for them. That's what I would want someone doing for me and it's what I would do for you. Don't assume you know the whole story when you hear it from one side. As my favorite TV doctor always says, "no matter how flat you make a pancake,there are still two sides." He also always says, "there are three sides to every story: mine,yours,and the truth, somewhere in the middle." The most important thing I've learned about family and friendship rifts is to NOT GET IN THE MIDDLE of them. Pray,pray,and pray some more.

Romans 12:9 Love must be sincere. 

Our efforts toward others should reflect love and compassion,not revenge and anger. We may be hurt by something they did or said,but acting out of malice will only make the situation worse,and it will make us look bad too. We should always be known for the way we love people,even if that means we don't have a relationship with them anymore. I know,that sounds confusing. I always thought if you loved someone they'd never leave you,but boy,have I been wrong about that and so many other things. People are disappointing. We can be too! (shocking,I know)They will hurt you, use you, leave you,and do all kinds of things you don't expect. It is hard sometimes to think the best of people when they are doing a really bad job of "loving" you. Grace means understanding that sometimes people aren't what we expect and sometimes we aren't what they need and it's best to let that be and move on. Grace is also hearing what someone has to say about how you've treated them and listening instead of defending. Sincere love gives opportunity for conversations and room for disagreement. Sincere love means being ready to explain and being ready to hear. If there's no love at all, there's no reason to continue. Time to move. Do not stay where you are not loved. And don't forget there is always room for understanding and forgiveness too. If someone wants to make up with you,be willing! Don't be a grudge-holder. I am a firm believer that SOME people DO change,and some people really are sorry,and some people really do want to start over. Sadly,most people don't trust very easily again after being hurt. That's one of the problems of being hurt by someone you once loved and trusted dearly. But that's the price of love too.

Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge,my friends,but leave room for God's wrath,for it is written:"It is mine to avenge;I will repay",says the Lord. 

 God will always love us and tolerate all of our shortcomings. He knows we want to turn to people when we are hurt,but He wants to be the One we turn to when we are hurting. Sometimes we have to get a few doses of hurt before we realize God is the best friend and confidant we will ever have. Whether it was our mistake that caused a rift or theirs, God loves us both the same. He cares about how we handle disagreements and hurts,but He wants to be a part of every relationship we have.  I can assure you of this. He does not like it when one of His children is being awful to another, and thankfully He takes care of that without us ever having to do a thing.

Romans 12:18 goes on to say,If it is possible,as far as it depends on you,live at peace with everyone. 

I find it interesting, the use of the word "if" in that verse. If it is possible. We know that sometimes even after we've tried to apologize to someone,even after we've forgiven,sometimes it's just not possible to be at peace in a situation. Sometimes the only way to live at peace in a tumultuous relationship with someone is to walk away.It doesn't make you right and them wrong or vice versa.It just means peace cannot be found because one of you is not making the effort to live it. At that point,it is best to give the relationship to God and let him move you on or that other person on,and let Him work His own possibilities. This means creating distance between you in life and on social media,not discussing this person in a negative light with others,and praying for them instead of tearing them down. Again, love must be sincere. We wonder why so many friendships and family relationships fall apart. They lack basic respect and communication. They sometimes lack apologies and forgiveness too.

Forgiveness takes time,and sometimes even after we think we've forgiven,something happens to drag our feelings back up again,and we find ourselves getting upset all over again. I'm not the one who will make anyone feel guilty over taking their time to forgive anyone. It does take time,and with God's help,it does happen in the time it's meant to happen. We grow every time we are hurt if we allow that hurt to press us onward and upward and we grow every time we are able to love the ones who hurt us. We are blessed when we forgive and stop tripping over the same hurts and issues. Others are blessed when we forgive because we become lighter,kinder,and our prayers become more genuine and effective. Because of all these benefits of true forgiveness,yes,God will definitely help you and I get where we need to be, forgiving and moving on. Grace allows us to let bitterness go. Grace reminds us that we all have growing to do,mistakes we've made,and we all need forgiveness probably every day.

Romans 12:14-16 Bless those who persecute you;bless and do not curse.Rejoice with those who rejoice;mourn with those who mourn.Live in harmony with one another.

Blessings to you this holiday season. May your hands around the table be joined in love and prayer,and may your hearts be light and filled with healthy,happy relationships.

If You Want to Make God Laugh, Tell Him About Your Plans

Nothing ever goes as planned. It's a line in an old song and it's a tune that runs through my head frequently when things just aren't going to plan! But oh, am I glad things don't always go as I planned them or I don't know where I would be today.

My life didn't turn out the way I "planned" it. I laugh as I think of my own plans back then,though "good health" was certainly a good idea. But who I thought I would marry, what career I thought I'd be in, how many kids and who they would be and where I would live and what my life would be-yeah, none of that manifested!  And I laugh as I think back to my eighteen-year old self,praying for what I thought I wanted,getting something entirely different, and thinking God must not have been listening! Oh,now I know! I surely know. He wanted so much better for me than I could ever have imagined!

"For I know the PLANS I have for you",declares the Lord,"PLANS to prosper you and not to harm you,PLANS to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

So if God already knows the plan, He's already set to prosper me, not harm me, and give me a hope and a future, then I need to trust that whatever is set before me is part of His plan. This doesn't mean I will be without suffering or hardship or disappointment. It just means as my planner, He will be with me through it all. Just like parents who can see around corners for their children and guide them through life situations, God will lead us to our future,helping us, and stirring us with hope. This is the kind of hope that takes life's unplanned events to a higher level for others who may be watching us live that out. This is where God's glory can be seen. This is why it's okay when things don't go as we plan them.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways submit to him,and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 

Isn't it a comfort to know that we don't have to have it all figured out? That we can rely on God to know the answers when we just have no earthly idea what's going to happen next? I am one of those people who loses her mind when the power goes out. I am one of those people who panics when the car won't start or finds a bat in the house. I am a type B personality most of the time, but I become a type A all the way when things happen that I can't fix by myself or control, and I have to depend on others to help me. Can God turn the power back on or shoo a bat or start my car? Well, He can sure provide the help that will. And I've learned to change my verbiage from "Are you kidding meeeee!" to "Okay...what can I do about this?" That is me relying on God and not relying on me. It's a power shift that needed to happen, much like when we make plans. And as the old saying goes, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him about your plans!" Ha! I must have given Him the giggles a few times.

We need to remember when we're making plans to include God in them. He wants a seat at the marriage,job, party, relationship, college, or whatever plan we're making, because He is already making a plan for us and blessing it. Having our alignment with His plan for us is where we are most effective in seeing God's will and purpose at work!

In their hearts humans PLAN their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. Proverbs 16:9

Many PLANS are in a man's heart, but the purpose of the Lord will prevail. Proverbs 19:21 

Don't lose hope if your own plans seem to be falling apart. Ask God to reveal a new plan to you so you can have peace and move forward with a new and better outcome in mind. I sure didn't plan on having a chronic illness, and I know it's not God's plan for me to be sick, but every sickness I've endured has brought me some kind of blessing or some person that I just can't live without. I can't even imagine what my life would have been had it gone any other way. Maybe the plans you had involved someone who is no longer with you, and there's no good answer for that. Only God knows why sometimes things don't turn out seemingly for our good. But we have to believe He is good, and we all have a purpose and it is good. He loves us and that will never change. May He wrap his loving arms around you and comfort you and give you peace from all your broken plans.

Blessings to you! Thanks for reading. 

Back to Peace 101

It's fall here in Michigan, but with a second fresh blanket of snow and a single digit on the thermometer,I will challenge that title as I put on a fuzzy pair of socks. I caught myself complaining about the snow yesterday as I woke up early in the morning, prepared for a positive day. The snowy morning caught me off guard, realizing my oldest daughter, who had stayed an extra night at home this weekend, had to make the almost 90 minute drive back to her college apartment that afternoon.  I had looked at the weather report the day before and didn't see anything about this surprise snow storm, and as some mothers do, I began to worry. Oh, how I love finding a surprise ten dollar bill in a winter coat pocket the first time I wear it, or come upon a sale at my favorite store, and yes, they have my size, but my zeal for surprise snow storms ranks right up there with surprise plumbing malfunctions.

 My beautiful, smart, courageous daughter assured me she had driven in much worse conditions, and she would take it slow and carefully on those hilly, curvy, so-far-away-from-cell-tower roads. Yes, she would, but what about everyone else? Why should I trust that everyone else was going to be slow and careful around my precious cargo? She hugged me tight, we shared "I love yous" and I caught her hazelish, bluish-green gaze for a few long seconds. Out the door she went, and my worried mom mind wondered why she looked at me that way.  She "shared her location" with me on her cell phone so I could basically be her digital passenger, watching her every stop and move, losing her only through those dead zones only open wild country provide. I prayed for her protection and safety as I do every day, yet why was I so worried? Why can't I "let go and let God"?

It took awhile after my prayer to suddenly feel peaceful. After a long, slow drive, she did make it back to college safely in time for her test. I was grateful, but I know this is something I need to work on intentionally. It's coming up a lot lately. Trust. Faith. Letting go.  And these are the keys to peace, my ultimate goal. God knew all these shakeups, big and small,were going to be a part of my life one day. What I didn't realize is that I was going to try to juggle them all by myself and get myself all out of balance. I can't stop the snowstorms, I can't fix my mother's depression, I can't heal my youngest daughter's migraines, I can't stop people from doing things I wish they'd stop doing! Hey, I can't control anything. Did I just figure this out? No. I must be a slow learner.

However....the Word of God has a lot to say about my goal of peace. I can't get this through osmosis,  I actually have to keep APPLYING this in order for it to take hold of my heart, soul, and mind.

John 14:27 PEACE I leave with you;my PEACE I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

He has already left me with Peace, and I lose it every time I give it up to worry.

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love,joy,PEACE,forbearance,kindness,goodness, faithfulness.

These qualities are produced in me by the Spirit when I align myself with Christ.  Again, it's already been given. It's what I have when I am more like Him in all I say and do. How can I say I trust God and then turn around and worry about the very thing I just trusted Him for? That's so worldly of me. That's me expecting God to do what the world does. Not many people in this world can be trusted-to stop at stop signs, to drive carefully on snowy roads, to be kind instead of hurtful, to keep a secret, to do what they say they will do. But I know Who can be trusted, and who comes through every time even when the outcome isn't what my worldly mind can understand. A spiritual osmosis.Letting God's way take over my spirit.  Now that, I can get behind.

Psalm 29:11 The Lord gives strength to his people;the Lord blesses his people with PEACE.

Psalm 34:14 Turn from evil and do good;seek PEACE and pursue it.

Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect PEACE those whose minds are steadfast,because they trust in you.

 Peace is a wonderful and desired side effect of trust. It is who God is. He is not just the epitome of peace. He IS peace. If He is in me, then I am peace too. I love words that are repeated over and over in the Bible. It means it is important to get that point! God is the parent who knew we had to have things repeated over and over because we are stubborn, wayward children sometimes who don't listen as they should. I am one of those children. I am a child of one of those children, and I may have a couple of those children. But it's no excuse. We DO know better. We just need to DO better.

 Lord, help us all become who you designed us to be. Refine us into the peace-seeking, Christ-minded, people-loving individuals who will continue your work here on earth. And help us to remember to trust you, seek you, and yes, even love and honor you more in all we say and do. Amen.

Let that be all for today. I'm glad to be back writing. I've had all kinds of obstacles, but I am knocking them over one at a time. Love to all and blessings to those who take the time to read.