I Met God in the Elevator

 I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. Psalm 34:4-8 

I remember fondly my mom's friend, Judy. I'm sure I've mentioned her here before, as she was a great influence on me  from my late teens into my 20's. She was a very wise and classy lady in her 80's, intelligent, well-spoken, bold, but diplomatic with her words. As a somewhat carefree girl in my 20's, Judy would often gently answer my provocative statements with, "Is that so?", leading me to ask myself, "Is that really true what I just said?...hmm...maybe I should think about it some more." She was a client at the office I worked at, and would sometimes leave articles on my desk about tanning beds, or other activities she felt I was involving myself in without careful thought. Because I respected Judy and knew her to be a woman I aspired to be like, I took her words in good faith and was not intimidated or angered by her correction or enlightenment. She also cared about me, and saw something in me that I didn't see. On my high school graduation, she gave me a key chain that was inscribed, "Destined for Greatness". I still have it. I wish I would have appreciated her insight more back then, but like many young people, I didn't know the gem she really was or what I had to learn.  I think I look back at my pre 20-something self, and I think how amazing it was that I was at least receptive and open to the kinds of things she was offering. At that age, I was still pretty insecure and sometimes hid it well with self-righteousness! But something in me was always wanting better, and always seeking to know more.

It was in my late teen years that my insecurities would lead me to meet the Lord. I'll get to that in a minute. I think sometimes people criticize others for "not knowing Christ," at least I was in high school by a friend who liked to thump the bible at me but would never invite me to her fun youth group! We want to point out flaws of those who aren't doing things "right" by our own standards, but never really try to understand what could possibly be causing them to do what they do. We are so quick to point fingers, but not quick enough to give compassion or understanding. Hey, wait a minute...maybe there's a story here we don't know, and it's not our place to judge. That's a good place to start. The other part is that we all have stories and we are all flawed, and we all have issues, seen and unseen. 

I knew about God, but didn't grow up in the Lord, having been an Easter Sunday Catholic for much of my childhood. I never really understood what Easter meant for a really long time. I remember reading "the weeping and the gnashing of teeth" in the Bible, when I was little and I was terrified! I went to my mom and she said something along the lines of ," Well, that's in hell, and you don't want to end up there", but I don't recall having long drawn-out discussions in our home about God when I was a child. We often had church on the TV on Sunday mornings, and I would go get the Bible I received at the Vacation Bible School I had attended at a local church that past summer (on my bike!). I would follow along and write in the margins (I still have that Bible!). I think it may have been Robert Schuller on the TV, and it was the Bible I got at the local Wesleyan Church. I remember wiping out on my purple banana bike while trying to ride home carrying the Bible with one hand, and wondering if I was going to get in trouble with God for dropping the Bible in the dirt. Oh my goodness! Both of my parents were believers, but having been hurt by his "religion", my dad was reluctant to go back. That is a story in itself, and one I don't feel informed enough to tell. The end of that story, however, is that my dad found "relationship" many years later, and would pass away, having known the Lord in a whole new personal way. (in quotations to express the difference only, not to offend)

All through my life, I had the presence of the Lord. When I pushed my arm through the glass door while running from my sister as a child, and our neighbor had to drive me to emergency, her daughter prayed for me in the back seat. I never forgot that. I also never forgot being envious of her "getting" to go to church camp every summer. I kind of wanted to go too. I loved the sound of church bells, and because the school was right next to a church (the one we attended at Easter), I would close my eyes to hear them better. They are gone now, and the church is closed. My husband recently informed me that his dad was the one who used to tend to those bells. Yes, it was their church too. When the Catechism kids would line up at the school to walk over to the church, I kind of wanted to go with them, although my parents were not pursuing the religion with me like they had my siblings. I had the thirst for the Lord even then. We would go to weddings and each time I would step into a church, I would have the instant feeling that I was going to cry. I would ask people, "what does this mean? I feel like crying every time I step into a church?" No one could answer me until years later when I asked it again, and a pastor's wife said, "It's the Spirit of God, in you." It gave me chills. I would then learn what my baptism actually meant. It was earth-shattering! 

I know this is a rambling post today, but bear with me because the point is simple and it's important. I didn't meet the Lord because someone beat me over the head with a holy bible, corrected my wayward behavior, made me go to church camp, took me to catechism, or went to church every Sunday. Those things can help others get to know the Lord and what He did, but when I said "relationship", I said it because you can't force a relationship with anyone. Not even God! And God won't force Himself on anyone. 

God was pursuing me in ways that He knew would stir my heart, but He never forced me to Him. As a child of God that He created for His purpose, He loved me enough to let me do things MY WAY, but He loved me enough to keep urging me to come to HIM over and over. And if you are a parent, you get that, don't you? Sometimes we have kids who are a little insecure, a little self-righteous, etc...remember that teenager I described in the beginning? Whew, only God could handle her sometimes! 

I endured my first "devastating" breakup as a teenager, and I was ill-equipped to handle the loss. I was insecure, had very little self-esteem, and had no inner strength in which to draw on to help me stand. I took the hit really hard and personally, and it took a really long time to process and recover. I remember one time feeling particularly down and lost, and I was driving home from the town he lived in. I was in tears, and I couldn't see the road, but I didn't care. Suddenly I poured my heart out to God, out loud. Something I had never done before! I told him all the things that hurt and what I wanted Him to do. (I didn't know the procedure just yet) All I wanted was "to be loved and not hurt anymore". And that was fair, wasn't it? Isn't that what we all still want as adults? It's what God wants for us our whole lives, even when bad things are going on. Spoiler alert: He answered that prayer that I didn't know I prayed.  

My life didn't immediately get "better" at that point, but His presence was even more palpable and I began seeing more evidence that He was with me all along. I started to form my own relationship with God that felt "different" from the ones I was hearing about. No, I don't have a "spiritual birthday" or a special story about when I was saved. I don't have any of that. God took me on a journey with slow steps, teaching me to trust Him along the way, and by doing that, He showed me that a relationship with Him is solid, secure, safe, and real. He knew that this was going to be the way I needed to meet Him. This is why we don't "knock" someone for "not knowing the Lord" or whatever. Someone else's journey in not only not our business, it can be very different than ours because we are all very different people needing very different things. And no one knows you better than God, so consider that to be the most tailor-made relationship you will ever have. 

I am not ashamed that my family didn't attend church and do all the "things" that church people were doing, even though I envied them, because at different times in their lives, my family has come to know the Lord in their own ways. I got to watch my husband meet the Lord, then my parents, and then my sister, remembering that these are people who knew religion, but not relationship, and they are two very different things. Once you understand that you can have a personal relationship with God and invite Him into every area of your life, that's when your life will change, and I have been able to experience and witness it all. I feel like I kind of met God in the elevator and we've continued to meet in stairwells. Never knock the way you start a journey with God! 

I sought the Lord, and he answered me.