Pity: Party of One

You can be pitiful or you can be powerful, but you can't be both at the same time.

 Joyce Meyer

 When faced with difficulties in life, whether it is death, illness, or just the ups and downs of being a human-the constant breaking of things, financial issues, or relational problems, I have two choices. I can either  wallow around and feel sorry for myself, or I can choose to get back up and praise God. There is always something to be thankful for.  There is always a reason to say, "Thank you, Lord. There is something there for me to learn and to praise you for, and thank you for another day!" Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16 

Self-pity is one of the most destructive acts a human can choose. It has "self" right there in the name, so it's already going to be a problem, because most times a word begins with "self", we know it's going to be all wrapped up in how we feel, what we want, what we think, what is happening to us, how it affects us, what we look like, and we we we, us us us, me me me, I I I. It's just not going to end well. And why is that? 

Being self-centered is a sin. It completely ignores and overlooks the needs of others. It forgets everybody else, and only thinks about itself. But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger. Romans 2:8 It's sinful because it's selfish. It feels justified because something bad is happening, so everyone should be attentive and indulgent, but this is where it gets icky. When we don't get our way, we start indulging in these negative behaviors to give ourselves everything we want. This is why our hearts begin to harden toward everyone else. We don't even see it happening, because it's a slow build up, and once it reaches full capacity, it's hard, but not impossible to climb out. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. Hebrews 3:13

We have to be careful not to get ourselves into this type of sin. It's an easy one, in a world filled with unrealistic expectations placed on others. Our expectations can become distorted because our lives may have become hampered in some way. When I was laid up for several months after my seizure diagnosis, I found myself in a lonely place for awhile. I had to learn that the world didn't stop because mine changed. Everyone still had busy lives, and just because my life was spinning did not mean other people had to spin too. My own life didn't stop when others were in a crisis, and I had to remember that too. We can only do so much for others, and should appreciate what we are given, even if it's not what we think we should be getting. When we start thinking we should get more, that's where the sin begins. We have to rely on God to strengthen us and help us in all times, not people. If he provides people, then that's a bonus. We have to rely on God, not just in times of trouble, so that we don't find ourselves in a selfie situation.  

The key point of survival within a crisis became how much I thought about or reached out to others during my own-not waited for them to reach for me. When we love others, it should be natural because love comes from our hearts and not a place of expectation. We're thinking about what we can give rather than what we're waiting to gain. When we're sitting around in a state of anger because no one is reaching out to us, we're actually in a state of fear. Fear that we are unloved, rejected, forgotten. It won't be long before that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we begin to act the way we feel-unloving and rejected, people will begin to withdraw altogether. When we get too self-embedded, only a word from God can knock sense into us, because we no longer want to hear what others are trying to say to help. 

That's because when we are self-oriented, we make everything about us! But when we do that, it just gets icky! Everyone can see it but the person who is in it. Wallowing in that woe-is- me stuff is just so gross. Why is it when we are sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves that people don't want to sit with us or come around? Because pity parties are the most annoying, exasperating parties in the universe. No one wants to come! Everyone is invited but NO ONE ever RSVPs! Especially God. We have to make this distinction: People care when we are hurting. God cares when we are hurting. But when we get to the point where we are feeling sorry for ourselves to the point of an obvious negative affect on the lives around us, it becomes sin. Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2

Feeling pity for ourselves to the point of sin keeps us from wanting to serve others. We just can't get over the fact that we are in fact the only ones suffering, and therefore, the ones in need of the help that never comes. It's prideful, and this is so dangerous, and I'm sorry, but it's a big whiny baby that sits around thinking like this.  I don't want to be a big whiny anything! There is so much suffering around us, and instead of being the victim, we could be the victor. We can be the helpers! Do to others as you would have them do to you. Luke 6:31 So many of us become self-centered because we think we're the only ones giving in a relationship. Maybe that's true, but it could be a lack of understanding too. It could be a lot of things. There are a lot of choices to go through before it should get to self-pity, in my opinion. 

 We can't allow ourselves to become bitter or resentful, when the other choices are so much more rewarding. We can't serve God or people from a heart full of fear, anger, rage, or selfishness. We can only serve others and God with a heart focused on mercy, love, forgiveness, grace, and I can't say it enough- true others-focused love. The kind that leaves "self" at the door. Do you know how you can tell the difference? Love makes you happy. Feeling sorry for yourself makes you depressed. Easy choice. 

It's not easy to admit if we've been feeling sorry for ourselves, or acting like a victim. But God can take that mess and make it into something good if we allow Him to change us. Like all sin, it takes our repentance and faith in order to develop a life that is determined to fight the sin of self-centeredness and pity. In a world where we are slammed with the "all about me" propaganda, I just want to be one to tell you it isn't. It's not all about us. We can say the words, but it's ultimately how we live that will determine what people are picking up about our lives. Are we stuck in a pity party-or are they coming to a party of joy that they never want to leave? It's up to us. It's no one's job to fix us or make us happy. We can choose to take responsibility for our own pain, our own healing, and our own happiness too, and others will thank us for that. Happiness is in fact, an inside job, and if you are walking around with the Spirit of the Lord inside of you, you're already going in the right direction.  Blessings to you. 

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know that it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content on any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13