Adjusting My Expector

 "Expectations are resentments waiting to happen."-Anne Lamott 

Oops, there I went again. I set myself up for disappointment–walked right into it and kept right on going. How many times do I have to keep repeating the same scenario before I finally get to the root of why it keeps happening? Have you asked yourself this question before? If you have, you're like me, and tired of the same old trap. If you haven't, then you're one of two things–at peace, or you haven't yet discovered that your unrealistic expectations are the crux of your current disappointments. Maybe even the "realistic" expectations are hitting in an odd way too, if there is such a thing. Should we have any expectations of others at all? How does this even work? We are naturally going to expect things from people, but if we learn how to manage those expectations, we don't have to be hurt every time they don't meet them in the way we think they should. Colossians 3:12-14 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  There are general expectations in life (I like to get my change back at the store), and there is also a certain level of thoughtful consideration that we should extend to others, at least I believe so. It's when there is no effort being made in either category that I seem to get a little out of sorts. Is it just me?

We can become disappointed when we don't get a desired outcome. When someone says or does something that is contrary to what we hoped they would say or do. When we don't get the thing we had our hopes set upon. But all of that is such a moving foundation, isn't it?  People are fickle and that includes us, because we are also "people." We can't ever predict what other people are going to do. We need to be rooted in Christ, first of all, and turn to Him for all of our needs, even those we think others can or should fill. Because if we don't, we're always going to be disappointed. Psalm 105: 4 Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. Eventually, even the best of people are going to let us down, because people cannot possibly fill every need and whim and desire we have. Even we don't know what it is we want sometimes, so how could they? But God knows, and He knows when we are disappointed by the world. He told us we would be. John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Even Jesus was disappointed by His own disciples. He expected to be betrayed, and He was. Mark 14:10 Then Judas Iscariot, one of the Twelve, went to the chief priests to betray Jesus to them. It sure didn't make it any easier knowing or any less painful, but some theologians say Judas' betrayal led to the Crucifixion and subsequent Resurrection of Christ, which is our Salvation. Maybe we can look at some of our disappointments a little differently when viewed through the lens of God. 

We are to set our minds on things higher than what is here, even higher than the people we love, which seems really hard to do sometimes. When we have our sights set on the things of the world, we see the world as children see the candy aisle–at eye level. It's all we can see. Colossians 3:2-3 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. We seem to want what is at our eye level. The love standing next to us, our kids, grandkids, friends, family, jobs, hobbies, whatever it is that brings the most immediate joy. Isn't it funny that those are the things that can also bring the most pain? The ones who walk right beside us, who we hope will always be by our side. God knows this. We hurt each other all the time with our expectations–both unreasonable and not–because we are dealing with tender human hearts. We hurt because we love, we expect because we want and need something to come from that love. But what does God expect from us? That is a question that when answered, will actually lead to the blessings we all hope for. Micah 6:8 He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. 

I wish I could tell you that I am a master of managing my expectations, and that I have complete peace at all the times when expectations run high. But that would be most inaccurate. The idealistic, fleshly optimist in me still craves the picture I painted in my head, while the Lord reminds me to remain at peace with the picture He will in time reveal. Psalm 5:3 In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; In the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. Our relationship with God is an example of  healthy expectation. Isaiah 30:18 Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! In this definition, his expectation is described as a longing for us to allow Him in. Ours is a faithful knowing that He will answer our prayers. 

I watch a woman on YouTube. She is well into her 80's, and shares her "secrets" to living a life of contentment. Though I have not heard her mention faith of any kind, one thing that stands out to me is that she doesn't "expect". When she shared her 10 steps to living joyfully, one of those steps was to let people be, and don't expect things from them, and this included her children, whom she dearly loves. At that moment, I knew I needed to wrap my head around this further, and something came to me– "When you give up your expector, you will rely on your Creator." When I give up the picture I have created in my head of how I always imagined things would be, God will replace it with a better picture, because He will show me what is GOOD, and I can trust Him. God will fill in the blanks that we think are left behind when we stop trying to create everything ourselves. 

Today's prayer: Dear Lord, Help us to manage our expectations. We all have weak spots in our minds and hearts and we know how easy it is to get hurt or to hurt others by pushing those expectations. Only You know how to help us walk through our difficult situations and answer our hardest questions, and You know the pain of our hearts when we cry out to You. Please help us to turn to You instead of other people when we have needs to fill. Help us to extend compassion and grace to those who we may be in conflict with at this moment, and help us to forgive and love one another and trust in You. In Jesus' name. Amen.