A Way With The Word

 It's hard not to talk sometimes, but talking too much–even about seemingly innocent things–can get us into trouble. I'm certain I'm not the only one who's been there, but I've put my foot in my mouth plenty of times. Proverbs 21:23 Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Why couldn't I have just stayed quiet?

Why would God want us to be quiet? It's not that He wants us to be quiet, but He wants us to be wise about what we share, how we share it, when, and even with whom we share. He wants us to talk to Him about it first. Psalm 139:23-24 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. I have to laugh sometimes when I think about how quiet we all would be if we only said what God wanted us to say. The kind of silence that vibrates, right?

We are to ask God to check us and lead us into the things we say and do. We like to think we know the best way and the right way to do things or what is best for others, but the fact is, we can get in God's way more times than we think. When we don't stop and pray about what to say or do before we act, we run the risk of being divisive or harmful in a situation. Yes, sometimes even when sharing our faith. 1 Peter 3:15-16 But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. In order to have this hope, we must be constantly building our faith (thank you for this reminder, Norm), and being gentle and respectful in our behavior and in our attitudes. 

When is the last time you wanted to take advice from someone who wasn't living out the faith they are telling YOU how to live? Our true faith lived out is our best example of a life changed by Christ. When I think back to some of the people who have shaped my faith, one of the things that stands out is how gracious and patient they were with me. They saw my imperfections and met them with grace. 

Grace is the face that 

love wears when it meets

imperfection

Joseph R. Cooke 

In the moment, sometimes we forget that God needs to deal with us on the things that trip us, before we think we are qualified to tell others how bad they are stumbling. Matthew 7:3-5 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. We are all hypocrites at some point or another, and probably every day, if we're being real about ourselves. I want to lose weight, but I also buy cookies! I want to have muscles, but I don't like to exercise! It's not just "people who go to church every Sunday yet still do blah blah blah," as I often hear. Going to church or being a Christian does not make anyone perfect or less prone to sinning. Going to church means something different for each person there, just like not going to church means something different for each person not there. It's best to not speculate on the reasons and actions of others. Life is hard enough for myself without having to keep others in check! Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Amen. Lord, help me to be kinder, gentler, and more receptive to what others need. I want to be more gracious and patient, like my mentor is with me, and the ones before me. Not only were they happier, but they were much more peaceful too! This is living in the spirit, and not of the flesh. Galatians 5:25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 

Learning to know what to say and how to say it comes with time, knowledge, and wisdom, and then there's no guarantee that we won't still say a wrong thing! James 3:2 We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check. I respect hearing corrections or advice from people who have "put in their time", so to speak, and knowing that they are in the Word, learning and growing. I know that they have been praying about my situation and therefore will follow God's lead before they speak on it. There is a great deal of trust between people required before this type of relationship can exist. I know more now than I did before that it starts with me and my relationship with God and I didn't always recognize this. I thought I just had to know the Word and how to pray and believe, and all of that good stuff. But there was more God was showing me, and now I know this is where the Word, prayer, and belief leads. I want to be careful when I pray for others, that I am asking for God's will and listening for His voice when I am quiet. Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God;

When I truly began searching into the actual character of God, I began to unravel the character of myself, and I tore open some things that I had kept buried before. What I began to learn is that I was finally allowing the realization in that God knows me. That may not seem too deep for someone who already "gets it," but for a person who doesn't intimately know the Lord, it becomes new territory to realize that God knows us. It seems obvious since He created us, right? But that kind of went over my head. I was so busy reading Scripture and writing it down, that I didn't stop to think about this part of it. 

 Here's how it went: I started getting to know Him and his attributes, and because of that, I realized how much he already knew me. This is another side of the "relationship" part of "religion" that people talk about but don't really know how to explain well. It's because it's personal to us and God with elements only we can explain because they only apply to us personally. It's how we are designed. John 10:27-28 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. It doesn't matter how many times someone tells us something about God. It's when we finally receive it for ourselves that it sinks in. God has always been there, always will be, and is so patient with us. But He does want us to come to Him willingly. When we do, and we accept Him, a whole new relationship begins. Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. When we continue to pursue God, He will give us Himself. Let me also say that trying to define who God is is like trying to harness the sun with a butterfly net. I'm simply reading Scriptures and seeking what God did and what attributes that it revealed in Him. There is no way to fully know God, unless through His Son, Jesus. John 17:3 Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. But again, I'm getting a little off topic. I'm trying to keep these shorter! 

When I started into my studies, It was much more than reading the "thees and thous and heretos" that usually keep people from delving into the Bible. I started seeing how God led His people into and out of situations, and I saw how He had been leading me in and out of situations my whole life. I imagined myself into the same places as those people, as weird as that may sound, and I saw how He loves us and truly does put us in the best positions for our success. But like any parent would impart, we have a responsibility in our own success too. It's not a bunch of rules and regulations we have to follow–it's a heart we have to have for things that we know are good for our well-being, and making choices that don't always make sense, but will be the best outcome for who God is making us into. When we get on God's side of things, it's a faith we build that drives us closer and closer to God and into the life He has planned for us. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD," plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

If we want to be the kind of people that others come to for faith questions or prayers, we should be spending time with God in prayer, and also allowing Him to shape us into the person that can be trusted with His Word. I believe God has been encouraging me to learn by showing me my weaknesses and helping me to become stronger. What we commit to Him, He will bless. 

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:14

(For more on learning the attributes of God's character, read the Psalms)

Guarding Hearts

 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. 

Proverbs 4:23 

I should have applied that verse before saying that thing, doing that thing, or whatever it was that ended up the big mess that it became. The truth is, some of the time, I allowed people access to me and my heart who had no business being there, and that's why I blurred (threw out) my boundaries, made the mistakes, and suffered the consequences. 

It doesn't mean those people aren't accountable for their mistakes and the trouble they may have caused me. But I also had a responsibility to limit their access to me. I didn't guard my heart, and in doing so, I not only caused damage to myself, but I also caused harm to them.  Romans 14:13 Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. 

When we don't set healthy boundaries with others, we run the risk of giving people too much entry into places in our lives that we should be protecting. When we notice that someone else has shaky boundaries, our response should be to take heed and create our own, not step over the line and start messing up their lives too. But why don't we do that?

At first it feels good to get close to people and let down walls. It feels like what people should be doing. Love one another, right? Isn't that what I'm always saying? John 15:17 This is my command: Love each other. After all, getting closer to people is how we get to know them, show godly love, and sometimes how we share our testimony. Sometimes it's how we make our dearest friends. All of that is fine and good, but it hasn't always worked out that way for me, and because of the number of books on this topic, I know I'm not a special case. Many of us suffer from a need for love and a lack of boundaries. They go hand in hand, kind of like fire and gasoline. 

 Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive... I have been charmed so many times, especially in my younger days, of dropping my boundaries, because I simply believed (or wanted to believe)what I was hearing. I would take information I knew about the person from the past and apply it to the current season. Big mistake. People are capable of earning trust, of course, but they are also capable of letting us down or taking advantage of our kindness. When we are not guarding our most precious commodity–our heart–we are in a vulnerable condition. In other words, I saw what I wanted to see, thought what I wanted to think, and heard what I wanted to hear. I had the outcome all planned without checking the forecast! Whether or not the person was well-meaning, deceptive or manipulative matters not at that point. 

 It's really easy to come up with a list of how the other person has done us wrong. After all, I kind of made it easy for them. I opened the door and said, "Welcome to my heart and all the access to my feelings. Feel free to go willy-nilly. I will ignore any red flags because of a, b, and c. " I could go on and on, and I have done that about what the other people did wrong. It was a no-brainer! But eventually God showed me that I also had a choice in the matter and there are so many times I had the choice to put up a boundary for my own protection. And theirs. 

The problem was that I was searching in people for what I really needed (and already had) from God–love, security, validation, companionship, friendship. What I ended up with was the opposite in some cases. I came to people on empty instead of with the fullness of Christ, ready to truly love and give of my heart. This is where I fell short every time. I walked away hurt and dejected because I looked for something in people that they could not possibly give me. I was a bottomless pit, most likely! I often gave without limits, and not always because it was the "Christian" thing to do, but because I desperately wanted their love. When they couldn't return it or gave me the weird look, I would just crumble. In my mind, these relationships were so much more than they were, but on the outside, they were superficial because the love I was actually giving was timid, fearful, and distant. Always waiting for rejection, which surely came, because I created it with my own behavior. 

That is how it went for a very long time. I was very ashamed of this, until a friend of mine brought up that so many people were dealing with shame these days. I thought, "Oh, not me. I'm not." And then God began to bring things to light in me that I've been hauling around, and I've realized that I've been ashamed of things that God does not want me to carry anymore. I pray that you too will surrender those things in you that have made you feel less than, exposed, or distrustful. God can walk us through anything and we can come out the other side victorious. I never thought I would admit some of the things I've believed about myself. I never realized it was shame I was feeling. We are not to be ashamed! Isaiah 61:7 Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs. Everlasting joy will be ours! Amen. 

When loving from a Christian standpoint, we are able to love because we are full of His love FIRST. 1 John 4:19 We love because he first loved us. And that's where I had it all wrong. I didn't see the connection with my relationship with God–allowing Him in, getting to know Him, and surrendering all of that control and rejection and my human limitations. It was only when I started to understand how much I was already loved and accepted by my Creator that I could see where I had missed the whole concept of God's perfect love. We often put our human limits on God's love too. God only loves us when we're doing good things, saying the right things, not making mistakes. WRONG. God loves us ALL the time. When we immerse ourselves in that pure and perfect love, our happiness won't depend on the love and acceptance of everyone around us. When we stop feeling ashamed and rejected and start knowing we are loved, this is living in the grace of God. John 1:16 From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. 

A relationship with boundaries contains both freedom and limits. Freedom for others to move and be who they are, and to give what they can give–expectation free. There's also freedom for me to be who I am, and no worries on whether I'm accepted or not. There's no reason to ever have to get to a point of having to wonder or argue about where each person stands in the relationship. It's only when boundaries are broken beyond repair that the ugly consequences lay bleeding with little hope. When relationships get to this point, it's sad, because while I believe forgiveness can be had, reconciliation can be difficult if not impossible. By this time, people don't even want to have a conversation, and sometimes that's what is needed in order to apologize, forgive, and move on. Instead, a fence is placed and the bridge is burned. When relationships are built on sand and not on a true foundation of love, they will fail. Boundaries are placed because we respect and care about our relationships and want them to last! Boundaries are so much better than fences and bridges. I can't even begin to imagine my (improved) self in those same old relationships now. Those people wouldn't recognize this new God-filled person, and that's a good thing! 

And we, who with the unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 

2 Corinthians 3:18 

I wanted to reflect on specific examples of my past mistakes, but in remembering them, I realized it is still so painful to remember how insecure and rejection-filled I once was, and how it drove people away. The ones who stuck around seemed to be able to recognize my true heart beneath it all and understand that though I was acting out of hurt, I was struggling to get to a better place. Kind, loving people come in all shapes, sizes, and brands of hurt. I think I recognize and can have more grace toward a person who is operating from hurt because I have been there. (I didn't say it was easy) I thank God for the grace He gives me every day. When I ask Him to show me where I need to heal and grow, I wince at it, immerse myself in my studies, and keep going.

 I have had to learn how to have my needs filled by going to God and not having unrealistic expectations of people. I have had to learn that even when you need people in your life, they won't always need you back, and it's okay. That's when we need to reach out to God and ask Him to help us dig deeper. What is it that I need to do FOR someone else with a pure heart and no expectation, and what else do I need to learn here? The goal is always to get more of God and less of me. With that, we can better love and serve others. With God first, we are full already and no one has a job to do when they see us coming. John 3:30 He must become greater; I must become less. 

Keeping boundaries around us is healthy, and it doesn't mean we are keeping people out. It's more of a way to protect who we are becoming. They help keep us within the limits of who God is shaping us into, and help us to understand that we also need to stay out of God's way where it concerns others and their own necessary boundaries. Even Jesus had boundaries! He withdrew from crowds in order to pray and recharge. He walked away from unsafe people. He didn't fulfill everyone's requests, choosing to focus instead on His mission at hand. He was fully God and fully human and still took the time to care for his own well-being so he could better serve others! May God fill your heart completely and allow you to grow into who He is planning for you to become. Blessings. 

Aging and Changing

 Call me the minority, call me "weird", call me whatever comes to mind, but I'm just not into social media. Even when I spent a short period of time exploring it years ago, I never really saw its benefits. That's just me. I do enjoy a few channels on YouTube, I listen to a few podcasts, but I just don't get into the others. I tried to maintain an Instagram when our book came out, but I have since been locked out of it somehow, and it's been quite the runaround trying to log back in just to delete it. I deactivated my other social media site and keep it that way only so I can use the messaging services for the less than 3 people who contact me on it regularly. Yeah, I don't have a problem with spending too much time on social media. In fact, I see it as a hindrance, and I'm kind of glad that I do. 

However, it hasn't excluded me from seeing what a mess it can be. Even while scrolling YouTube in search of new things to watch, I see things like "What women in their 50's should NEVER do with their hair/wardrobe/makeup, etc..." "These three behaviors mean you have (this condition, that condition, etc...)" Oh, not only do I do all of those wrong things, but I probably do have all of those conditions! According to these videos, I have ADD, ADHD, ABC, PBS, and I'm so very stubborn for not cutting my long hair because it has somehow been declared law that "all old ladies should have short hair." Well, not this lady. This face cannot carry short hair. And last time I check it was nunya. As in nunya business.

Are these really the things people are worried about these days? What shoes I'm still wearing from 4 years ago? How I wear my hair and if it's making me look older? Why do they care if I don't care? The last time I checked, you had to be diagnosed with conditions by licensed medical professionals, not by 9 minute videos. It's been an interesting waste of my time, since I know none of this really matters, but in a way, it shows me where we're still stuck in society. 

 It's not that there is anything wrong with having a preference for looking a certain way. What bugs me is that people are taking the time to make these videos telling people that there is something wrong with them because they don't fit a certain mold that is being created for them by someone we don't even know. If you don't watch them, it doesn't affect you, but the problem is, these videos are very popular. People seem to love to be told how to dress, how to look, what to buy, what to change, and most of all, they love to share their opinions on how others look! This last video was about how to cut your hair so your jowls and your aging neck aren't showing. Well, maybe I'll just grow a beard and cover that horrific area so no one has to be traumatized by my NATURAL aging process. Sue me. 

This brings me to other things we may want to actually change about ourselves. In my Bible study notebook, I have several pages of notes I take as I read. Many of them are highlighted, because they are things I want to remember and put into practice. These are things I may just be seeing for the first time and want to put into practical application. These are not easy changes to make. It's not a quick order for a pair of trendy shoes or a visit to the hairstylist for a shorter "do." These are amendments to my thinking, my behavior, and even my past actions that will improve the outlook of my life and will help me to grow into the person God is shaping me into. I don't always want to do what my notes tell me. It sounds a lot easier to follow the do's and don'ts for makeup tips over 50, believe me. But I know that what I truly need to make me beautiful are inside changes. 

These are what I want to get hung up on. If I'm going to lament about the aging process at all, it's going to be about remaining stuck in the things I'm still struggling with–control, unforgiveness, rejection, bitterness–you know, stuff that when left untreated can really affect your heart. And the things that hurt our hearts are the things that will eventually make us ugly on the outside. They truly do, because we can't keep them hidden for long. They come out of our mouths, our actions, and they affect all the people in our lives. Even strangers on the internet. A great haircut and a snazzy outfit can only hide so much. I don't want to still be going through these things as an 80 year old, if I'm still around. I want God to keep refining my character and throwing out the bad stuff that makes me stumble. 

My desire is to have the fullness of Christ driving that authenticity in me. I want my faith to be what makes me shine on the outside, and have that be what people see. I'm tired of blowing it with my emotions and the things I've messed up in my own plans. When I am full of God, it is a lot easier for me to just be me, and let others be others. Peace. 

When we know the things we stumble over, then we can make the changes necessary to overcome them with God's help. If I know I struggle with comparison or rejection, then I know to be immersed in my studies and not scrolling online just comparing myself to everyone I see. If we struggle with overeating, we don't go to an all you can eat buffet. We can learn how to prepare our INSIDES in advance so that we present ourselves outwardly in the most truthful and Christlike way–full of grace, full of kindness, and ready to share the best of who we are. 

That might not get the most likes, shares, or sponsors, but in real life, it will please God, and that's why we will have the strength to do it. His strength will prevail through all the ages of our lives.