Faith is Easy, but Trust?

So,Sophie is still hanging in there, but nothing has changed. Steve is leaving for a few days on another trip. I just hope nothing happens while he's gone. Life is so dang stressful sometimes! I've been told that I'm not complaining. That sometimes you need to release your burdens and talk it over. Burdens are different than complaints. It made me feel better about all my lamenting these days. Thank you. This too shall pass. See why I don't talk politics now??? Too much complaining. Not enough solving.

Natalie had been complaining about her knee for awhile, and it finally came to a head during practice last week. Fast forwarding....she's starting physical therapy on Monday. Doc says her knees are the "floppiest" he's ever seen. She's super flexible and double jointed, and we just thought it was cool. Evidently with a 3 inch growth spurt in a year, that causes problems on the bones, joints, and ligaments. Oh, what do I know??? So, now we have a couple issues. Nat absolutely loves Volleyball and was so excited to be on the starting lineup each game. It was really the first time she knew this was her game. She was starting to be confident about her athletic ability, she was finally not sitting the bench. Now she may not even get to play. Who can I even be mad at? No one and it makes me madder. Why???? I'm sorry, I just have to ask!! Maybe I just have too many frustrations at once. Maybe I'm just sick and tired of having to fight through everything and nothing ever seems to get any better. Maybe I need Calgon to take me away. Sometimes it's just too much at once. "Joy in suffering..."??? That is Truth, but hubba- whaaa??? Back up the taxi, I'm gettin' off!!! Let me just say "WAAAAAAH" too, just for good measure.

Like why 10 year olds have to deal with periods when they haven't even learned the facts of life yet! Why 12 year olds who already have to deal with severe scoliosis and acne also have to put up with knee issues already! Like why I have arthritis in my back when I just told my daughter I'd take tennis lessons with her.
Don't you ever feel like that? Like, yes, I know there is a God, and I know His promises to me, but I still feel like crap anyway? Then you feel like crap for feeling like crap! Put others above yourselves, help others, quit being a baby, (or something sorta like that) I know, I know! But I blow, I blow!!

I'm not so self-centered not to realize that there are people way worse off than me. I also know that if you have a broken ankle, it hurts, even if your friend has a broken leg too. I guess one of my problems is that when things in my life are out of control or unbearable, I look to my kids and watch their joy. When they aren't happy, I'm not happy either. Oh, crap! Now what?? That whole "depending on others for your happiness" thing really stinks, doesn't it?

Yes, I turn to the Word (yesiree, I really do) and look up all the verses on joy and hardship, suffering, and all topics related. I pray. I talk it over. I wait. I get impatient.(so human of me, i know) In case you hadn't noticed, I am not perfect. I don't have it all together, horror of all horrors, I know. Life is hard. Having a husband and kids is hard, even if they are the very j in your "joy". Having bills to pay, health concerns, friends in trouble, siblings, ill parents, etc... it's all part of a big, sometimes messy life. I have spent a couple of paragraphs perhaps venting, you may say, but I've also let you know that leaning on God is not easy for me sometimes, though I know He is the key to surviving anything. Learn from this mistake-making stubborn, sometimes brooding Irish girl. Let God have it, and I don't mean your temper. Let God have your burdens right along with your praise. He wants it all. This I have seen. I can be in the middle of being negative, and a joyful thought will pop into my head. It's like kryptonite. Power!!

Life is hard. It's never what you expect. It's sometimes wonderful, and sometimes unbearable. Some days are diamonds, some days are just crap, but God is bigger, I know. God is bigger and sweeter and more important than me. I get it.