The Bigger Picture

After a few weeks of arguing, complaining, disappointing setbacks, poor weather, and busy schedules, we finally managed to get a few family photos. (Sigh of relief)

I had to photograph my computer screen...still no wifi..and still having trouble with all things computer...sigh of frustration. 

This is real life, in case you were wondering. Don't be fooled by those smiling faces. We are a family going through hard things just like you. We have teenagers. We are preparing for the so-called empty nest. We have more things "to do" than time to do them, and fun seems to always come last. There has been more fighting lately as independence is being sought and wings are being spread...I try not to take it personally, but oh, my friends, it is so hard. 

Thank God for the strength of our team. My husband is my constant. Through every battle, we face them together. It is not an easy time, and there are still some good times tucked in here and there. But parenting teens as a whole, I don't think it's supposed to be like bringing a newborn home from the hospital. Wink wink. Lots of crying...different kind of tears.  God willing, we will all survive this. 

An acquaintance of mine recently saw me at a football game, and judging only on my appearance and the smile on my face, she said, "I saw you, and I thought, you look so good. Yup. You're happy."

I wasn't sure how to answer that, so I just said simply, "thank you".  The last time I had seen her was a month after my brother passed, and I couldn't even tell her about it. I just told her things weren't good and because we were at the band concert, I couldn't talk about it without crying. 

Appearances can be deceiving. I've lost 55 pounds, and everyone tells me how great I look. But what they don't know is how difficult it is for me to want to eat. How if I work out just a bit too much, I drop too much weight, and I can't afford to lose much more. They don't know that I have so many health problems and I am not getting relief from most of them. A smile is deceiving.  I have to fight looming depression every day. Along with fighting life itself. I get tired. Some of these symptoms are seizure and medication related, but I'm suspicious that anxiety may be responsible for some of it as well. Just call me Sherlock. 

I have learned that people I thought "had it all" don't have what or who they need at all. 

I am grateful to find real people like that, because people who only give you the "highlights reel" of their lives don't lend much comfort. That same acquaintance at the football game makes a lot of assumptions about me. I really like her and our busy lives have just not allowed us to become real friends and get in to each other's lives personally. But she always seems to think I have it all together, based on my kids' accomplishments, the way my husband treats me at school functions, and the way I treat her when I see her. I always tell her the same thing. "I am real, just get to know me. You'll see!"

I am very real and can be both brutally honest and painfully private at the same time. Is there a word for that feeling, I wonder? I feel that a lot. 

However we ended up with our beautiful family pictures, it ended up being a fun time. It was freezing, Angel kept wandering in and "photobombing " us, and I got a workout using the self-timer on the camera. Ten seconds is not a lot of time to run and get in position, but it made everyone laugh. And laughter is what we all need right now to get us through yet another painful time. 

I'm waiting...waiting to see what God's purpose is for these past few years of loss, sickness, surgery, death, and meanwhile being grateful for the blessings in between. 

Because life can also be deceiving. Things can look really bad...but keep looking until you find the good. It just takes a really long time.