Thursday, May 26, 2016

This Year

I'm exhausted after my Monday procedure...I tried to tell them how badly I react to anesthesia, but to no avail. I spent the next 2-1/2 days with a terrible migraine and vomiting. Unable to drink, eat, or sleep. So here I am today, mustering up a bit of strength to go to Natalie's final band concert tonight. I have already cried this one out today, as I have all of the other "lasts". This has been the hardest year...
I'm trying to embrace and celebrate, but at the same time, she is still struggling with her own need to set things right among her group, who has turned from her.  It is so painful when we can't do anything about what others choose to believe or how they decide to treat us, and yet, I'm glad her heart is still soft. 
Yes, a hard year indeed. 
She has to give a valedictory speech at graduation, and asked me how she's going to say anything positive. I told her to reflect on those teachers who have believed in her, encouraged her, the friends who believed in her, the classmates who held her in high regard enough to be on their homecoming court not once, but twice, the coaches who voted her most improved, the lessons she has learned through the things that haven't gone the way she thought they would. Because life is never predictable, fair, and sometimes so unkind to the kind. But somehow, it all works out. I told her this: forgive. Go to God. Ask him to help you forgive and then let it go and stop letting it take from your precious heart. Others are missing out on your beauty!!

And tonight, I need to keep from crying, because I can't handle my own meltdowns these days! 

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