Love Better

"Whatever you focus on, you become." -Pastor Rick Warren

What are you focused on? What is consuming your thoughts on a daily basis? These are good questions to ask ourselves in relation to how we are spending our time. Rick's podcasts have been all about love, which has also been my topic of focus lately, and I find it interesting that no matter what topic I am thinking of in my mind, it involves love in some way.

...Love keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:5

If we are focused on things that happened in the past, we become our past. If we focus on resentments, or hurtful things others have done to us, we become the walking wounded because we never let anything go. Whatever we begin to repeat in our minds will become who we are, no matter how hard we try to fight it, simply because we are giving it power in our minds day and night.

He who covers over an offense promotes love,but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9

The good news is, we can also focus on positive things, such as our own potential, our own future, and God's promises for our lives. We can change the focus in our lives no matter what happened in the past, no matter who has hurt us, and no matter what is happening now.

As I listened to Rick put all of this in perspective,I thought of the areas where I have fallen short. Every time I have held a grudge, any time I have discussed a matter with a friend instead of the person I have the issue with, (this is gossip, by the way) any time I have not talked to God before I talked to my husband or my kids about an issue, every time I've been tempted to speak before I think. The times I've been irritable when I could have just been patient. The times I put my own feelings ahead of someone else. That's just a short list of times I've failed to apply love.

Every time we judge before we ask questions, carry resentments over things we don't try to resolve, don't apply tenderness and gentleness with our speech, whether in person or online. We don't try to understand situations, don't apply compassion, give too much credence to certain things and not others, give excuses for "I'm not perfect" or "this is just how I am", but definitely not enough love and not enough tenderness in so many areas. So much concern to get our own points or beliefs across, but not much concern for the way we are delivering them.  As Dr. Phil would say, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" In this case, how well are you loving people for the sake of being "right"?  Even if you are right, and it's for the sake of God, even God wants you to deliver His truth gently and not in a rude,obnoxious, hit-me-over-the-head-way!

All I can say about love is we have to do better. Love better and put love first. I have failed at this and will probably fail again, but it is in my heart to do better.

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 4: 2,3

Blessings and love to you...

Can I Roll With the Changes?

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

There was a time I was living in what I like to call "the sweet spot". Our parents were living vibrant busy lives, our kids were little and we were always on the go and discovering fun things with them. Our health was pretty good and not too much was getting in our way. Our home was full of laughter, Disney movies, family parties, backyard picnics, play dates with friends, and quiet nights on the couch. No one moved away, the church was full of all the same people, and all was as we like to say "right with the world". I don't think I've said that in a really long time. Have any of you? It's quite a world out there these days.

The thing about the progression of life is that when we are living in that so-called "sweet spot", we don't even define it that way.  There are kids with fevers, bills to pay, unexpected deaths, disappointments, and lots of rainy days on those picnic plans. It's only when we are struggling in the "now" that we tend to look back and think "those days were surely easier, better, slower, more fun, and just sweeter somehow."  Sadly, one of the reasons we are so busy thinking things will "one day get better" is because we aren't living in the present. We are always thinking about the days we think were better, or the days in the future that will surely be better.

Change isn't always good and it isn't always easy. It can be difficult to still see life as "sweet" when many things are coming at a person to sour things up. An ill parent who is struggling with memory issues, another with mobility issues. Another who lives alone. A nest that is nearly empty, but not quite, and so all that goes with that is both financially and emotionally taxing at times. All I find myself saying about these seemingly rapid changes all at once is, "what the heck?" because sometimes I just can't keep up with all the surprises! I find it difficult to stop and "live in the present moment" sometimes. I'm always thinking, "when we get this paid off, or get the girls through school, or when I feel better, or when this happens or that happens.....things will be so much better..." Sometimes it is just hard to stop, be present and say, "today is a blessing just because it is today, and it's not going to be today again." One day in the future I am going to wish I was this age, doing this thing again!

I am a person who needs some things to stay the same. I kind of like that comfort of sameness, at least somewhere, but I'm learning that sameness doesn't really exist anymore, and time is flying by as I keep searching for things to stay the same. What I'm realizing is that I'm becoming a prisoner of my own past by not stepping into these changes, accepting that some things just have to progress, evolve, move on and change, in order for me to grow too. I may not like it, but I need to start seeing changes as God's way of moving things forward. His purpose and plan for others sometimes doesn't coincide with my plan for them. LOL

 I often ask God to help me accept the changes in my life with grace and give me the strength and courage to face the things to come. The reason I like things to stay the same is because change is sometimes really scary. It is unknown. It is putting your foot in a lake and not knowing if it will be a wonderful experience or if something will come up and bite off your toes! But resting in God's perfect peace gives me the comfort of knowing that any changes coming will have his stamp on them. Whether or not we survive the change depends on our willingness to depend fully on God for everything we need.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

Sharing a song that I love today. Google and listen. It's my empty-nester anthem. 

Landslide 

by Fleetwood Mac/Stevie Nicks

I took my love, I took it down

Climbed a mountain and I turned around

And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills 

'Til the landslide brought me down 

Oh mirror in the sky, what is love?

Can the child in my heart rise above?

Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Mmm

Well, I've been 'fraid of changin' 

'Cause I built my life around you

But time makes you bolder 

Even children get older

And I'm gettin' older too

I'm gettin' older too

Ah, take my love, take it down

Oh, climb a mountain and turn around

And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills

Well, the landslide will bring it down

Did you see my comment?

To those who have contacted me and asked if I can see your comments, I cannot! My comment feature is open to anyone, however, I don’t receive them all. I am sorry for this inconvenience. I am also having trouble commenting on my friend Sir Norm’s blog. I am guessing this is a problem with Blogger. Thank you for letting me know. Feel free to comment to me via email or text. I am currently taking a much-needed social media vacation, so my posts will not be shared on Facebook. However, if you like a particular post, feel free to share it on your page. Thank you all for reading! 

I Can....Because of You!

Today's post was going to include a couple of photos of my new inspiration, but due to technology and the dreaded "updates", my computers can't perform. Isn't that ironic? All these performance updates, and now more things don't work! Isn't that just a metaphor for the world these days? I could go on and on...but I will just succeed in frustrating me and you.

Speaking of frustrations, having a chronic illness means my body tells me "no" quite often. All the things I used to enjoy, such as a long walk, a game of tennis, a bike ride, shopping excursions, or pretty much anything physical, are slowly taken away. They are replaced by short walks at home, lots of sitting, lots of watching everyone else do the things I love, and sometimes grieving for the things I miss. In other words, it's not fun being a spectator.

I've had a few years of this, and it's taken some time to adjust to all of these changes. I imagine anyone going through something life-changing would understand. I've seen stories of people learning they have Parkinson's or Multiple Sclerosis,  losing limbs or becoming paraplegic or quadriplegic, or having a stroke, and in all of these cases, there is a mourning period. There is a time when people need to go through all the stages of losing what they had and accepting their new reality. I've also observed two people with the same disease experience completely opposite abilities. This is why I stress so much that we can't compare pain or people.  It's important not to call one person "strong" because they are handling it so much better than someone else. The fact is, we have no idea what another person is going through.

After realizing that there were things I lost with my illness, I also discovered there were still things I could do, just not as easily as before, and not as often. Everything I do requires planning. Some things I do require last minute planning, and that's why I do most everything by myself. I don't expect anyone else to be able to go when I can go and leave when I have to leave or put up with my sudden urge to leave and go home. It keeps me free to relax when I am able to run an errand or go to a store, however I have become a bit of a loner. I'm wondering how many other people with chronic illness feel this way. Maybe we could hang out...LOL

As for the inspiration I wanted to share, I really wanted to show you the pictures of my new exercise motivation system! But as computers go, they will not download, so here's a visual. I have 2 jars sitting on my kitchen windowsill. One jar says "I", the other says "C an" The initials read boldly "IC", which also stands for my condition, Interstitial Cystitis. In those jars are some tongue depresssors with one exercise written on each one. These are exercises I can achieve when not in extreme pain. Some of them say "biceps", "triceps" , "PT exercises" , "yoga", "stretching", and 11 more that I can usually safely do. These sticks motivate me to exercise every day, all the while "sticking it to IC"! It helps me to see the goal I achieved when I move the stick from the "I" jar to the "Can" jar at the end of the day. Yesterday I "stuck" to it and placed 9 sticks in the jar!

I am so thankful to God every day that I still have the ability to move my body and use my mind and that there are days my pain allows me to enjoy a walk to my mailbox. I appreciate every single time I can do a push-up without hurting my shoulders, because it wasn't too long ago I had limited use of both shoulders! I am grateful that my depression has been under control since I learned to meditate and visualize my negative thoughts away. Combining that with my daily prayer has helped me to realize I don't have to give in to this illness or the many mental rabbit holes it threatens to chase me down. I have a long road of healing to do and many unanswered questions, but taking control of my health helps me to gain authority over my body again, instead of allowing my illness to railroad me.

I am grateful to the many prayers of those who love me and to my husband who continually puts my needs ahead of his own. Because of God's love and the love of the people He has provided, I have the strength and the encouragement I need to use this illness to motivate me in a positive way. This is love in action. I can't do this alone. I've proven it time and time again!! This is how love heals. It is a process, but this is how it heals. This is what I've been talking about, friends!

Blessings to you!

Gate Finder

"Many will see the fence. Few will find the gate and walk through." 

Profound, isn't it? What great philosopher said that anyway? I'm sorry to have to disappoint you, but that basic quote was typed into the "notes" section of my iPhone in the middle of the night when it came to me in a sleepy stupor. Strange quotes and even music and lyrics I've never heard before often come to me in the night and I don't always get the chance to write them down or memorize the tune before they are gone forever.

Don't let me fool you. When I read that message in the morning, it didn't take me long to figure out that it was a Biblical reference to Jesus, teaching about the way to heaven.

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction,and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. Matthew 7:13

But the way I think I was meant to interpret it was in a way to help me get through something I had been praying about that night. I've started paying more attention to these messages and trying to take a moment to record them better so I can give them more thought. I'm not sure how to remember the songs. If I start humming or singing into my phone in the middle of the night, Steve may have me committed to the insane asylum. Do those even still exist? Maybe I'll google that before I decide to start my humming. Whether to keep a harmonica or a ukulele beside the bed-now that is a question! Oh, I just got a visual of this going down!

When I think about fences, I remember the wooden privacy fence that encircled two thirds of our tiny rental home we resided in when we were first married. Neither one of us grew up with fences around our homes,and it felt restrictive to us. We almost had the urge to tear the fence down!  But instead,  that October we tore out the truckloads of weeds and wild blackberries and all kinds of brush that just grew all over the yard and fence. Once we did that, we found beautiful peony bushes were growing all along the fence, so we cleaned out around them and made it look nice. That following June we were treated to an explosion of beautiful peony blooms all along the fence line. We could even see them from our extremely tiny bedroom from which we could also probably wave goodbye to the private neighbors on the left. We waved hello from the living room to the private neighbors on the right. Fast forward slightly, we ended up moving in August and we decided to take a slip of one of the peonies with us to the home we were buying. Twenty five years and 2 homes later, that fence peony is still blooming its beautiful soft pink flowers.What we learned about fences? They don't make friendly neighbors. They don't help you make friends at all! They isolate you into keeping to yourself!

What is a fence anyway? A way to keep things in or a way to keep things out? Maybe both? What did my sleepily-typed quote mean as it pertains to me? What does your fence mean to you? Fences can be boundaries, but without gates they can be prisons. Have I been seeing my restrictions and limitations as a gate-less fence? If I'm being honest with myself, I have to say absolutely! When I compare the "old" me to this "new" me, it is so impossible not to go there. But what I think this message is telling me is I need to stop looking at the fence and find a gate. Not only do I need to find a gate, but I need to walk through it. Fences are isolating! Gates are freeing!

What does that look like when I am stuck with this chronic, debilitating condition? I started thinking. Okay, God, Giver of messages, I'll bite. Considering I have trust issues and you've called me out on it now, I'm guessing you want me to stop looking at what I can't do and start focusing on what I can do. Oh, I get it, it's not as simple as it sounds, so we're going to break this down so simple me can get it.

FENCE: "I can't exercise anymore because of pain". GATE: Are there any exercises you CAN do? Yoga,maybe? arm weights?
FENCE: "Leaving the house for any length of time is nearly impossible. I have no social life anymore." GATE: Are there any friends who are willing to Skype? Message? Visit? (and oh, heavens if they do anything in person, I need a warning! LOL)
FENCE: "This is only going to progress and get worse. Then what am I going to do?" GATE: Live in the present moment only. Rely on God for what you need only. Don't borrow trouble.
FENCE: "I am losing who I used to be." GATE: Do what you love and you will return to yourself.

In other words, I need to stop building fences and start looking for gates in order to help myself get through the weeds and the wild brambles of these challenges I face. I also believe the more fences we build around ourselves, the harder it is to keep our faith intact. Maybe God is reminding me of this too, in Matthew 7:13.  God knows I am really struggling through this and He's trying to reach me on any level He can to get me to get this message through my thick head. I'm not a slow learner, but getting me to apply what I learn? Oh my, just plan on calling me stubborn and throwing wet sponges at me for the whole day.

Some people's children, let me tell you....yes, that is me. I never used to be this way. Don't check with my mother on that, by the way. But trials tend to press us and stretch us and pour acid on every weakness and expose us in ways we never imagined! I say "us" because I'm really hoping I'm not alone in this battle. Please tell me trials aren't all easy and smooth and fun for you! If they are, I want to be your student! Ha Ha

Here is what I do know for sure, and I'm standing on these promises today: (and let me tell you, bros and sissys, there are so many, it was hard to choose!)

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:12-13 

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away,yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 

Today, I am a gate finder.  It involves intentional thinking and the tossing of weeds and brambles. I can do this! And so can you!
Be blessed.