Fatigue

I have been really tired lately. I mean, not just tired, but fatigued. Like a mac truck is coming at me, and I don't want to get out of the way kind of tired. Who knows why..could be the many nights of insomnia winter tends to bring. Could be the 4 hours I spent cleaning the basement today. Could be the weather, could be my weird heart thing, who knows. All I know is it's affecting my writing. I read back some of the posts I've done recently, and all I can say is whoa. Too many words and too much jumping around. I have a lot to say and I'm too tired to arrange it the way a good writer would. I even confused my husband, who simply said, "you just had a lot going on and a lot to say, didn't you?" What a nightmare to think that I call myself a "writer", yet can't even take the time to do it right. Well, I'm no longer a "writer", but a dabbler...again.

Makes me really question whether this writing thing is for me or not. I have to admit, I've been a dabbler. I've dabbled in so many things, I should have it embroidered on a patch on a boring white shirt. I've done photography, insurance, cake decorating...ugh. Nothing sticks. The only thing that sticks for me is parenting. Is that sad or what? There must be something else out there for me. Something I can do when my parenting days are "shorter".

So what is it? I sure wish I knew. Sometimes life is just one big bag of unanswered questions and a whole lot of wandering. I know that I'm on a journey, but truly, I feel like the plane has been circling for too long, and the train won't slow down. Don't think I haven't taken this to God. He is well aware of my restless heart. I trust that He'll land my plane and stop my train and give me patience (and sleep) while I wait.

Yawn....night night.