The mother in a family has a big job to do. We start out by taking care of the babies, still taking care of household duties, the laundry, the husband, possibly a job or career, pets, yard work...the list never ends. We become buffers between the world and our home. We feel responsible for everything and everyone. We have guilt that no amount of convincing can change. We want everything to be right. It rarely is. And when it all fails, it's all on us. Maybe I'm alone in this, but I doubt it. I would love to meet a mother who has no challenges.
Somehow each year as the kids grow, my jobs change and get a little more challenging. The husband is working way more than when we first started out. We always had time to take the kids places and just relax. The kids used to be content to play in the backyard or have little friends over or just watch a movie at night. Dinner was simple. Everyone just ate whatever mom made, and it was always together at the table. And mom, though challenges were ever present, found time to scrapbook, hang out with friends, volunteer at school and church. Mom was pretty busy, but fulfilled.
I don't know what happened. I thought about this as I looked at my latest attempt to keep my family togetherness a priority. I decided we needed to do the "30 days of Thanksgiving" lists and share them at dinner time. It's something we used to do when the kids were little, only we hung little colored leaves on a twig. I was a bit late getting it together, but I did mention it about 47 times, that we needed to get busy filling out the first four days. It's day five. Guess who has 5 things to be thankful for? Just me. Everyone else has blank forms hanging on the side of the cabinet.
This is just one example. I have planned day trips, packed picnic lunches, arranged family photos on a whim, made movie night or game night happen, anything I can think of to preserve my family togetherness. With Steve's job requiring more and more travel and frankly, more and more of him, I feel less and less confident that I can pull this off successfully. It takes a whole family to make it work. The girls are all into the internet and you tube and themselves, really. It's all about friends and activities, sometimes homework, projects, practice, or lessons. There are a lot of things threatening not only our family, but all families today.
Growing up we spent nearly every weekend at my grandma's house or she came to see us. Friday nights were playing cards with friends or family and playing with all the cousins. This is not even close to today's family, in my experience. Our kids are blessed by two sets of grandparents. One set is busy all the time. The other...I don't know what they do. They have lots of aunts and uncles we never see. Everyone is busy. No one has time for family anymore. It's not a priority, only on the holidays, and even then, not everyone comes.
If this is the future of my family, I'm pretty sad. I wanted more for my girls. I wanted them to have a big loving family around them all the time. Aunts who took them shopping, uncles who taught them how to do what only uncles can teach. Cousins who played pranks and giggled relentlessly. This has not been the case. So I've tried to step in and make our family home a place they would always remember. But will they let me? I pray that they do. Will they let me do what I know one day they will be so grateful for when they look back at their childhood?
My thankful list top five: 1. God's love. 2. My awesome husband 3. My beautiful daughters. 4. Angel 5. Peace and quiet. (because I need that once in awhile!)
What will 6 be? I'm really hoping it will say, "my family took the time to be thankful".
I know the future of my family doesn't all rest on me, but it "feels" like it does. Coming from "less than perfection", I want to fix in their lives what was broken in mine. Funny thing. It doesn't really work that way at all! So now that I know I have little control over some things and no control over others, I'll give control of my family over to the One who created it. And trust.
1 comment:
Sounds like your family is going through a difficult transition from teens to young adults. Plus Steve working so much doesn't help. I pray God will encourage you and give you creative ways to keep your family's spirit of togetherness alive. At least you have Angel to hug all the time. :)
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