I Forgive You. Boom. Done. Right?

While the topic of forgiveness is on my mind, I've been asking myself who I need to forgive, and the list is as eclectic as the playlist on my phone. There are some people I have to continue to interact with, some I never interact with, some I bump into from time to time, and some I may never see. Isn't that interesting, though? It's not just interesting, it's real.

We may be holding on to grievances with people we've never even met. We may be holding on to offenses from  years ago. We may be holding on to anger that doesn't even belong to us, but belongs to a friend or family member who was wronged or harmed. We may not even realize that we are "waiting" for apologies that are never going to happen, and so we are withholding forgiveness from people who "should know better'.  That is the longest wait of all.
Oh, that is the stinkiest of forgiveness. The one that is based on conditions, and we all know it well, because we've all been there. But real forgiveness takes no prisoners. It releases them, and the one it releases first is you and me.

And once you finally release yourself from unforgiveness, and have reached a resolution in yourself and settled the story, does that mean that you can now have a restored relationship with that person or persons? Sometimes yes, depending on the situation, but there are no guarantees, for sure. When you forgive someone who doesn't want anything to do with you, who is no longer alive, who doesn't think they did anything wrong, or is no longer in your life altogether, maybe it's not possible or desired anyway. Forgiveness is an act and a decision based on your well-being, and your desire for peace. It has little and maybe nothing to do with the other person at all. If it did, we'd be swaying like the grass in the breeze with their every move. Forgiveness keeps us in the driver's seat, and in control of our own story.  It says, "You may have started this pain in me, but I'm not going to keep it going. I'm releasing you from your part in this, and I'm moving on without you in it." That doesn't mean what they did was even sort of okay! I doesn't mean you excuse them, or you trust that person again or you ever look at them the same way again. It just means you no longer let them have any control or power over the condition of your heart, your emotions, or your decisions. They become powerless over you completely. Boom. Done, right? It can be done, yes.

I wish it was simple. I wish people never hurt other people, but we do because we're imperfect humans who make mistakes. I've forgiven and had to be forgiven, and I still make mistakes. What I learned is that it's not enough to just apologize when you've hurt someone. It's not enough to just hear, "I'm sorry", sometimes either. Sometimes it's nice to hear, "Please forgive me." or "I forgive you". It's just that one step further that can make the relationship so much stronger.

I have never felt "life is short" as much as I have these past few years. Life is too short to waste being angry at people, holding grudges, and holding on to useless judgments that probably have no truth or basis anymore. But it is worth taking the time to take care of relationships and know that at the end of the day we did what we could to use the time we have to honor the people we've been given and make amends where it is necessary. Am I doing everything right? No. I still have a lot to learn and a lot to do. I'm a work in progress too. I have shortcomings and people issues, and all sorts of stumbling blocks I put in my own way. It's why I write! It helps me to figure out myself and in doing so, I hope to learn from others, (if they ever start commenting again) and learn from myself. We all have much to share on this topic, as complicated as it can be.