Fire Challenge #1 Awakening

 I'm jumping back in again this week because I'm doing a new thing! I've begun a series of "fire challenges" created by a YouTube content creator I've been following for awhile (Girl in the Woods, see below). The challenge is called "Change Your Life in 5 Fires." It is outdoor based and centered around setting goals, building confidence, and taking small steps toward reaching those goals. I wasn't ready for this challenge when she presented it in a 5 video series last year, but I feel up for the challenge this year, and I want to share my thoughts and experiences with you as I take these challenges on. Thankfully all of the challenge elements can be modified, and since we've had no rain for weeks, I won't be starting an actual fire(yet), but instead will be doing this challenge by the light of the sun for now!  I plan on executing my challenge on Tuesdays and sharing my thoughts on Thursdays each week. 

The first Fire Challenge is called "Awakening" and involves asking ourselves some questions– "What have I been missing/needing?" "Have I had any new realizations?" "What are my dreams, goals, visions?" We then set a goal, and ask ourselves what we are willing to risk/sacrifice to get to where we want to go. We then write the goal down and determine what small steps will it take to get there. The fire involves tearing off the goal and tossing it into the fire as a symbolic way of committing to it, I suppose. We then involve the body, mind, and spirit into the whole decision making process. And no, it's not "woo woo," because I'm not "woo woo", and neither is Brooke, from Girl in the Woods! But what we do have in common is a passion and love for God and the outdoors!

The challenge is to include some physical exercise (every day), using all of the senses outside, and reflecting on a Bible verse (Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is–his good, pleasing, and perfect will. )

Well, Tuesday was my first week of the Fire Challenge, and it wasn't what I was expecting. First of all, I have a 13 year old senior citizen companion dog who can't seem to live without me, and she followed along. Well, sort of. I set off with my plan, and she promptly set off to sniffing something she couldn't bear to leave behind. I was then surrounded by chickadees who recognize me as their "Snow White," and wanted their daily dinner served. I was only halfway down the trail and I turned around to go retrieve the birdseed and my precious pet. We eventually made it all the way to the cabin, where I sat on the small porch and wrote my goals down in a small notebook, all the while my dear pooch staring at me, waiting anxiously to return home.  

I succumbed to her plea to return, but as I turned, I stopped to catch some whirling tiny brown birch leaves that had been released from their summer captivity as a warm breeze swirled by. I took in the clove-like scent of the coming fall season, reached down and touched the curling rusting leaves of the ferns that surround my little cabin. I heard the chip-chip-chip of the sneaky chipmunks that torment Angel, but delight me as they dart away from her in the comfort of the woodpile. In searching for the most massive and the tiniest of things around me, I turned my face up to the sky to the covering of expansive black arm-like branches of a strong and timeworn oak tree, and then peered down to its base to the daintiest red wintergreen berries on tender green shoulders. The minty taste of one warm tiny berry melted in my mouth as I thanked God for placing all of His perfect details here to discover every need in me. 

As part of the exercise portion of the challenge, Brooke suggested 5 lunges, 5 push-ups, and 5 skips along the walk, as well as some time with socks off and hands and feet in the grass. Well, I did the lunges and the walking part. That went fine. I tried to skip, but realized immediately that while certain parts of me can skip, other parts say ski-nope. No worries, I got the important part of the challenge completed! 

I am hesitant to share what I wrote down in my small pocket journal, because our goals are not really everyone's business, but I do plan to share that goal with the people closest to me who encourage and support my dreams, values, goals, and visions. That way I can also share with them my setbacks and progress and they can do what they always do–support me. I'm not sure that the goal itself is as important as sharing with you that it is necessary to take time out in your day to exercise, ponder a goal, spend time with God in His perfect creation, and find a Scripture to reflect upon. 

If you're interested in doing a "Change Your Life in Five Fires Challenge," it doesn't require real fire or even grass, and all activities can be modified according to beliefs, location and health situation. Brooke (Girl in the Woods www.youtube.com/@therealgirlinthewoods ) is an experienced outdoor adventurist, Christian, esteemed YouTube creator, and spent two seasons on the History Channel's Alone series! (Alone Season 4, Vancouver Island, B.C. 2017; Alone Season 5, Mongolia 2018) All credit goes to her for the content of this blog and the four that will follow! 

Show Me

 "You can't go back and 

change the beginning, 

but you can start

where you are and 

change the ending." 

–C.S. Lewis 

Last weekend, I celebrated my birthday with my family. I chose to spend it at a big arcade we used to go to when the kids were younger, and it was even more enjoyable with my new son-in-law and son-in-law-to-be. Finding things we all love to do as a group is very important to me. My birthday may be about me getting one year older, but it's more about me celebrating one more year growing in spirit. I also try to find more things that I can learn about or do that I've never done before. 

Steve took me to dinner on my actual birthday to our favorite sushi place, but strangely enough, I'm the only one in the family who hasn't been brave enough to ever try the sushi there. I always order the hibachi. Well, this time I tried sushi for the first time in my life. It was okay. I may give it another try sometime.  As I often say about new things, "It didn't wow me." In the car I said to him, "I'd like to get a Checkers game. I've never played Checkers before." So off we went to Target–purchased a Checkers game and played it when we got home. When you grow up the youngest child with a huge gap between you and the older ones, and not really into a game-playing family, you don't learn how to play cards and simple things like Checkers. But you do like to play Skee-ball and Centipede on a giant screen....

Lately, my mentor has been sending me Scripture and his thoughts on them. This has been thought-provoking and has applied to many things I have been going through in my life. It led me to think about this deeper. When we are open to learning and doing new things, we are also open to hearing, seeing, tasting, feeling, and knowing them too. Our senses become aware to those things that we are yearning for. What is it that I am seeking? What is it that I have been asking God to show me? Being open to it will reveal His hand and how He has been present with His answers. Proverbs 2:1-5 My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding indeed, if you look for it as silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. 

I've asked God to help me find courage lately. It's something obvious we might overlook, but life and the living of it takes a lot of courage. Just trying new things takes audacity–a willingness to take bold risks. Stepping out–whether in the world or in faith–takes boldness sometimes. I've done and said things without a safety net plenty of times. I still do from time to time, but that's not always courage. Sometimes it's just plain carelessness, and I've been plenty careless in my life. Haven't we all? I sure hope I'm not the only one who has said and done foolish, thoughtless things. 

 God is showing me these weak places in a way that has brought more awareness to my words and to my actions. I've asked for courage and he spotlights my weaknesses. We have to know where we've given up, given in, or not held the line at all in order to know where we need to get stronger. Things really do fall apart before they get better sometimes, and this is the kind of growth that both hurts but sustains us for better things. 

God is showing me that to become comfortable with and be who I truly am,  I have to stop living in fear. I have to stop living rejected. I have to face my fears and stop  hiding from the things that cause me pain. I have to fight back. Philippians 4:13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength. When I've asked for courage, it seems I'm asking God for permission to walk in my own skin. So I have to break it down a bit further and say to myself, remember Whose you are. He has chosen, predestined, and adopted you because he loves you. Ephesians 1:4-5 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will

Yes, it seems I need even more than courage, and I will probably need something new in five minutes, because I need God every minute of every day. I don't plan to ever stop growing and learning. Who I am today is not all I am or ever hope to be. I've never been a "This is who I am–deal with it" kind of person. I want to be changed by the Scriptures sent to me by my mentor, by the experiences I have with my family, by the sweet game of Checkers with my husband, who grew up in a big game-playing family but taught me so gently. I learn so much by just watching my own daughters grow into the wonderful women they are becoming. I want them to see a mom who continues to grow and improve and gain strength and change throughout their entire lives.  We can all be open to change when we allow God in to move. Like a game of Checkers, God simply started moving pieces of my life around until I said, "Oh, I get it! This is where you want me to move." 

I have done a lot of new things in the past five years, and I wonder what the next five will hold. I have a lot of passion for change and an excitement to move forward that only God could have planted. Does it make sense? Not really. I look at my medical report and my limitations and then I look at God and I say, I can do all things. I look at my circle 5 years ago and now today and say, nope. This doesn't make sense either, but You love me. Change doesn't always feel good, make sense, or yield what we think we want out of it. But when we ask God to help us with what we need, His results will give us His best. This will not just require a lot of courage, but also our faith and our ability to see past our own limited sight. 

Giant Slaying Mode

 The advantages of getting older keep making themselves known to me. Yes, I said "advantages"! One of them is being able to look back on situations and see how much I've learned or grown through something that once nearly destroyed me in some way. Growth is painful most of the time, that's for sure. In speaking with a new-ish 84-year-old friend about life in general, she revealed to me that each time she went through something painful, she chose to become stronger. We have to make a choice. When life circumstances try to beat us or take us down, we can go down with them or we can fight and become stronger. Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through him who gives me strength. 

Norm Sawyer, a dear friend of mine, writes in his new book, Discipline is Freedom, "Disciplined people are not special, they are people who failed many times in the different endeavors of life but kept getting up until the failures became less frequent....Disciplined people have fought their giants over and over again until the giants were defeated and bound with the same chains they used to keep the undisciplined effective." I highly recommend Norm's new book, for which I have written the foreword. It can be found on his website at Sirnorm.com or on Amazon.com. I like that statement, "disciplined people are not special," because I think sometimes saying so becomes a cop-out for others. "Oh, yeah, that Norm...he's only fit and healthy because..." and then the excuses start. No, Norm came back from near death by the grace of God, and by the choices he decided to make to get healthy and committed to fitness. Those were not easy changes at all!  We cannot look at disciplined people as though they are "special" or "favored" by God or anything else. They put in the time, the effort, and the work. And yes, the prayer. Making excuses will only keep us from changing or living our own best life. 

Discipline was the featured letter "D" I wrote about way back when I was writing my alphabet blog series, if you were following back then. It's truly at the heart of any positive transformation in our lives. It starts with a commitment to keep choosing the right things over the things that are holding us hostage. It's a daily repetition of behaviors that lead us to success in any area of our lives. We want better, we have to do better over and over. No one is going to do it for us. Not a pill, not a magic formula, and certainly not wishing and hoping. Wouldn't it just be easier though? But again, if it was, we wouldn't come out of it stronger, and we'd probably eventually go back to the same behaviors that got us in the mess in the first place. 

So why is it such a pain to be disciplined about some things? Because we all want "it" now, I think is the simple answer. Immediate gratification has been pounded into our brains at every turn, and we buy into it, whether subconsciously or not. Weight loss?...don't get me started. Hungry?...fast food. I could go on with all the promises of easy fixes out there, but I'm sure you get the idea. We are hard-wired to want fast and pleasurable things (french fries) and we want to avoid difficult feelings (exercise) as human beings. Because of that, we find self-control very challenging. But it's not impossible and we don't have to give in to the lure of laziness. 

Both of the friends I mentioned suffered near life-ending health crises. It was a combination of God's intervention and a commitment of personal discipline that led them both back to health. Both of them could run circles around me! Now, I have certain limitations, but still! One is just into the 70's and one is near the mid-80's. I listen to them, because they have the wisdom I want, and they have the results that speak!  Job 32:7  I thought, 'Age should speak; advanced years should teach wisdom.' They are who I want to be when I "grow up."

Am I disciplined? In some things, yes, very much so. But I have had to start, restart, and start again certain disciplines over and over, and maybe you are in the middle of that cycle as well. It's not easy to make changes, even if they are the best thing for your mind, body, and health. Giving up is a cop-out, it feels terrible, and we do it anyway, but the important thing is (As Norm says) we keep getting up until we break those chains that keep holding us hostage. What is it that we need to do differently? Get God in on it. Write down a plan and conquer it. With prayer, with purpose, with determination, with strength, with commitment, with practice, and with discipline. Kick that giant out for good! 

I made my plan this week, and I'm in giant-slaying mode until I succeed. As I said, an advantage to growing older is that we hopefully learn from our mistakes. We can see where we've either stagnated, learned, have more to learn, or have grown and have the ability to share knowledge. We should be motivated by the desire to share what we learn, as my older friends do. We should aspire to be an example to our future generations coming up. But most of all, we should be motivated by a desire to live the best life we know we should be living for ourselves and for others who love us. We should not be intimidated by what we don't know yet, or by our failures and lessons yet unlearned. We should be gentle with ourselves and tough on the issues we face. Nehemiah 8:10 for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

Life is a process of absorbing and facing experiences as they come and I know that God's timing is so much better than mine. One thing I have learned is that even while I think there are so many things I have messed up or missed, God is showing me that in many ways my life with all of its letdowns and lessons is just beginning. If we are willing to do life with God, He will show us His best way to go about things. We just have to put in the time, the energy, and the heart that His discipline requires of us. 

Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. 

Isaiah 46:4 

Family Matters

 Be who you are and say what you feel, 

because those who mind don't matter 

and those who matter don't mind. 

–Dr. Seuss

I'm back! At least for now. We were so thankful for our oldest daughter's wedding and all of the family that came and shared their love and support with them (it was a "family only" wedding, so not too large). We became one big family with our daughter's in-laws and our new son-in-law, who we already loved, appreciated, and adopted as our "son" long before the wedding day. We are grateful that our daughter entered into a family that truly loves and appreciates her as the special person she is. It's all we ever prayed for when asking God to bless her with the right husband and family to support her one day. They are a very sweet couple! Serena loves her new "brother" and has embraced him into our family as well. This is what we hoped for. Angel still barks at him when he walks through the door, but he still loves (and tolerates) her anyway. Jesse's parents and brother spent Thanksgiving with us last year, and we are looking forward to more family gatherings with them! Their very large family has embraced Natalie as one of their own, as ours has Jesse! 

My sister has been through some pretty serious medical issues, as has my brother, who nearly left us on mother's day this year, leaving them both with some physical limitations. We have learned through loss and serious illness not to take each other for granted. Not only were both of them present, but my sister showed up to decorate, fixed some dress issues Natalie was having, and came to help clean up the day after the wedding. We are a small family with compromised health and very limited resources (a lot of widows and very few men), but one thing I have learned is that when someone needs something, we manage to pull it together for each other. My aunt was also recently hospitalized, but was also there helping to decorate. She is the "Lucy" to my mom's "Ethel" and they always laugh non-stop when they get together. My cousin showed up to help decorate, and took pictures all throughout the wedding and reception, and I'm so glad she did, because I was so stretched from running all around that I didn't have time to take any! I know someone was praying for me, as my usual chronic condition was giving me a break, enabling me to do all I needed to do for the wedding preparations. Praise God. 

I say all of this because all that the newlyweds noticed is that everything was exactly as they imagined it. They were surrounded by people who loved them and they could finally relax and enjoy this anticipated day. 

I opened with the quote above because in my family, we've been through some "stuff". We've all said things to each other that weren't so cool. We've done things, been through things, said stuff, did stuff, you get the idea... But even through all of the muck and mire, it has never stopped us from holding each other up and showing up for each other. We may not always function properly, but when it comes to love, we know how to show it and be there for each other and for that I am grateful. In the end, we matter to each other. When someone matters to you, you want to show up for them in the best way you can. 

Family can be a complicated thing, can't it? You have so much and so little in common. You can offer so much, but you can either withhold or overload. It's a plethora of wisdom, knowledge, help, companionship, yet so many within seem to sit without. It's a strange dichotomy of love and avoidance. The people who matter don't mind, but the people who mind don't matter. 

Many of you reading this have not felt like you've been accepted into a family or been understood by people the way you want or need to be. It's true that some people just get overlooked for no good reason. I have found the reason sometimes is that we need to seek the Lord for His security and not try to go looking for it in people, no matter who those people may be. If it's your own family, your spouse's family, your friendships, your coworkers, I know, I get it....sometimes you just feel like you're the square peg everywhere. I assure you, you are not. 

I've spent too long trying to fit my square into the roundness of others, and believe me, it's a losing battle! Instead, I have to go to God and say, "Work this out in me, because I can't go on like this. I can't define it, I can't live it, I can't put it into words, and I don't want to be it anymore. I'm tired of it." So let God have it, and ask God to protect you from the snares that it leads to, because when we look for approval and love or acceptance from others, we will also find our rejection and our wounds there. 

We all take each other for granted. Maybe in different ways, maybe we're all to blame. But to appreciate, one person has to go toward and the other has to respond. And if not, may we learn how to forgive and move on. 

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans. 

Psalm 118:8 

If You're Reading This...

 If you're reading this....

This will be my last post, at least for awhile. I will still be writing, but not for weekly posting. I am burned out. I notice as I sit and write, I am surrounded by my untouched craft supplies, and my shelves and shelves of unread books. Books that I have been longing to curl up in a corner with and lose myself in. I miss creating in my glue books, scrapbooks, and collage art books. I have spent the last 7 months planning a wedding, and fighting the illness in my body that thrives off stress. Writing has not been the release nor the balm it used to be. It became a job and part of the stress, once I made it something I "had to do" and put pressure on myself to change the way I was doing it. Lately, I have sensed that what drew me to writing is something that I have missed and need to revisit. 

In the very beginning, I treated this blog like a daily journal, sharing my family moments and my own revelations as I grew and learned about things and people around me. As the world has changed, I have felt more of a responsibility to bring something of more substance and less "fluff" and family, but to be honest, when I want to feel better about this world, I need to share my fluff–which to me is what keeps my joy alive. I don't know that I have been that source anymore. I've become more aware and I've grown more spiritually. Maybe I just need to find a better balance of the two. This time will help me figure that out. 

I ordered three new books yesterday. Mind you, I have piles of books to get through! But after this wedding, I have plans to enjoy the silence in my mind and allow others to speak to me gently with their created words. I'm tired of my own. One of the books I ordered is True Faced: Trust God and Others with Who You Really Are, By Bruce McNicol, John S. Lynch, and Bill Thrall and another is by Lysa Terkeurst called Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are. I'm sensing a theme...At my age, I know who I am. I'm just not sure if I've always been willing to share it. Experience tells me that being true to myself means losing others. Being true to others means losing myself. All of that tells me that I need to find my tribe. I'm not the only one who has said that to me.

I also enjoy good fiction and autobiographies, and I have a few of those "queued up" as well. Both Natalie and Serena have given me good suggestions, and our last enjoyable book  browse together in a Chronicles of Narnia themed bookshop had me thinking of even more titles to ponder. They still haven't reached out about my request to carry our book, so maybe they're just not interested. The state of mind I've been in says to just breathe and let it be. I'm tired of carrying so many things. 

We have some very ill family members, which requires us to dig deeper into our faith. When doing so, I find I need to feed my soul with things that help me relax and are less likely to add more stress to my life. I've taken more nature rides/walks, for one, and turned my phone off when I need some quiet time. The wedding is right around the corner and I've spent the last week sick. What that tells me is I have more to do in the way of relaxation in my mind and spirit. Because of those ill family members, we also have more physical things we need to be doing for them. Life is just a lot of things at once sometimes. Nothing takes its turn. Nothing is going to slow down for me, so I need to be the one to slow down.

A prayer card on my desk reminds me, The Lord is near to all who call on Him. Psalm 145:18 I'm calling non-stop, even if it doesn't seem like I'm getting an answer. Most days it feels like God's line is busy. I'm sure it's my fault, but I'm learning to give myself grace, believe it or not. 

If writing and sharing here becomes my happy place again, I will return. If you're reading this, thank you. 

That Viral Thing

"Cool things happen all day long and nobody knows about them." -Jami 

 

I said the above just the other day, when tiring of the word, "viral" being seen and over on my YouTube feed. From "run out and get this NOW" products to slogging some new goop either down my throat or on my face for "instant results"! Why do people get so caught up on collecting and running after "viral" things on social media platforms? Why is someone always trying to make things "go viral"?  (Easy answer: clicks = cash) Am I going to miss out if I don't buy the latest xxx that everyone is wearing/using? (short answer: NO) Maybe it's the loner or possibly the obliviousness in me, but I like what I like, and I don't really give much thought to what others are wearing and doing. After partially watching a video where a content creator was furiously shopping all over looking for a certain item that all of the TikTokers were showing, I shut it off, and I said out loud, "Cool things happen all day long and you're missing out on them!" Is it just the thrill of the hunt? Why collect a bunch of stuff just for the sake of collecting what other people TELL you is the hot thing you must have because everyone has it? Maybe this is a sign that I'm just too old, I don't know, but I think it's a sign that some of us need to find better things to chase. There are some of us who can easily turn away from the influence of others, but some people are easily influenced by people, products, and lots of other things. We do need to be mindful of who and what we are following. It's easy to get caught up in a smooth-tongued YouTuber who seems to "have it all," but things aren't always what they seem, and it's really important to know that! Proverbs 11:28 Those who trust in their riches will fall, but the righteous will thrive like a green leaf.

What are you willing to let your heart and mind go "viral" for? Which influencer are you following in order to have your needs fulfilled? And why is God the only One? Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 

I thought about it even more as I took my daily pickle picking walk out to the garden with my sweet 4-legged best friend. She teaches me to stop and sniff a little longer, if you will. I followed the latest robin who's been feeding its young somewhere close by. I finally discovered the nest high up in the maple tree near the barn. While checking the pear tree out in the orchard, I discovered a tiny bird's nest. After the first of our blueberry crop was savagely devoured by some unknown four legged or winged bandits, I was able to snatch a few ripe berries to hide away for later. We have rogue potatoes and onions growing in the compost pile, and the other day I happened upon a tiny fawn who just caught me staring at it, and studied Angel and I ever so cautiously. To me, these are very cool things to find. These are the things worthy of reporting and telling people to go out and grab! They're in your backyard, your neighborhood, and even in the cities. These are the things that won't leave you or your wallets empty after you've had your fill of them. Nature is God-created, free, and ours for the taking if we want to stop and take it in. Job 12:10 In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.

As much as some may chase the "things" of the world in order to be as "happy" as the person online appears to be once they find the coveted item, we know deep down that things won't truly satisfy a person. When everyone wants the same coveted item, it suddenly becomes hard to find and more desired. I came across a dollar store channel on YouTube that is still trying to find some viral product, and has been all over the country looking for it and still can't find it. Friends, it's a sanitizer. A hand sanitizer. That's all it is and that's all it does. Apparently it looks like a copy of an expensive brand name one, so it is highly sought after.  Suddenly it has gained importance because it can't be found. Now that everyone wants it, people are saying that the clerks are "hiding it" behind the counter when it comes in, and customers are "buying whole boxes" in order to sell it at a higher price online. Did I mention that it's just a hand sanitizer at a dollar store? Next week I'll probably hear about how terrible sanitizer is and how everyone should ban it. (Social media is a wild place)The focus becomes getting the hot item and how they will feel once they get their hands on it and tell everyone, but what happens once they get home with it? Are they happy or do they just move on to the next viral thing? That's the problem. It's a never-ending, soul-sucking habit that doesn't satisfy the deepest longings in us as human beings. Only God can satisfy our cravings, and we can ask Him to remove those desires we have for everything and replace them with a desire to be content. 

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Philippians 4:10-12

Is anyone out there old enough to remember the whole cabbage patch doll fiasco in the 80's? The beanie babies of the 90's? It was like the wild, wild west in those days. Ladies slapping ladies over baby dolls, my goodness! I had a knockoff cabbage patch doll made by some sweet lady my mom knew. Never cared for the beanies. What I'm noticing since 2020 is the stores putting out their holiday merchandise 2-3 months before the holiday season, and people filling up their carts earlier and earlier with those items. Because I plan a lot of parties for family members, I've noticed if I'm doing a theme party, I have to purchase those items well in advance of a season or I won't find them at all. For example, shopping for a summer themed party in March to make sure those items aren't gone by May, and they usually are very picked over by then. People are shopping in a frenzy, which doesn't seem to go along with the "failing economy" narrative I'm also hearing constantly. People should watch the consumption on YouTube, and be shocked at all the boosting of economies going on. It's a free-for-all, and not slowing down any time soon. There is a viral tendency out there, for sure. It's a virus in our minds to believe we have to have everything and we have to have it now or we'll miss it. That is a flat out lie, and planning a wedding has had me falling for it left and right. This virus runs deeper than we realize. 1 John 2:16 For everything in the world–the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life–comes not from the Father but from the world. 

  Retailers don't think it's a problem when they continue to sell out of viral products. They've even created "as seen on TV" or "Viral on Tik Tok" products in their stores. No shade to influencers, but I don't need people to tell me what to buy, and I certainly won't pay them to do it, especially when I know they don't even use it.  It's great for the retailers, but becomes a thorn for shoppers who just want to find the thing they actually need, and don't want to pay an inflated price for it online somewhere. The $1.25 sanitizer I mentioned? You can find it on different online markets for $25.00, being sold by individuals who are trying to make a buck off the fact that they have the viral product someone is desperate to own. It's insane, and this type of greed and overconsumption just ruins it for everyone, even if they don't realize it yet. Hebrews 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Satisfaction won't come with owning that thing or any other thing until you're at peace with what you already have and are satisfied that you already have everything you need and trust God with all that you still desire. 

 Same with nature–if you abuse it or try to take too much of it for yourself, you will ruin it for yourself and others. We used to love going to a certain northern city, but because it has become so overrun with tourists and traffic, it's no longer the quiet beach town we once loved many years ago as a young couple. It seems that once too many people "discover" a hideaway type place, it becomes a place to avoid. Gone are the days of finding special places or deciding to go camping on a whim. Since 2020, many campgrounds now require many months if not a year's ahead reservation due to overcrowding. Places we once went to because they were small and "untraveled" are now overrun with people. Even our favorite dark sky park went commercial due to its boom in popularity and we haven't been back since. We could no longer access the quiet beach area where we first watched the meteor showers for the first time. In its place is a large brick building that holds lectures and classes. I'm all for progress and growth in certain places, but it seems it also comes with the loss of the ability to explore quiet, untouched and natural areas. This is my opinion, of course. It comes with my influence and experience of living surrounded by trees and nature. We may not have a Great Lake in our backyard to watch a meteor shower beside, but we have a pool and our own dark sky right above our land. We already have what we need and everything we want when we are content with what we've already been given. May that be the "thing" that goes viral in all of our hearts. 

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you. 

2 Thessalonians 3:16 

What is Essential?

 A plaque in the office of minister, TV host, and author Fred Rogers read, "What is essential is invisible to the eye." It is a line from the children's book, The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint-Exupery. The complete line reads, "It is only in the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye." 

To really dig into this concept, I looked up the word, essential. Merriam Webster's version says, "of the utmost importance, something basic, something necessary, indispensable, or unavoidable." Interesting. 

Knowing the kind of person Fred Rogers was, I would imagine his "essential" was the Lord Himself. Good choice. The only choice, in my opinion. When God is "of the utmost importance" or Someone deemed "necessary, indispensable, or unavoidable" in our lives, He becomes the Source of everything that flows from our lives. Proverbs 3:6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. God is essential, yet invisible to our eyes. 1 Timothy 1:17 Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen. If I'm putting my faith in gaining wealth, material things, fitness, or any other worldly thing, it will be short-lived. None of those things are bad things, per se, but to me they are not essential. My faith doesn't belong on them. They are important, sure, but I can live without them. Psalm 49:16-17 Do not be overawed when a man grows rich, when the splendor of his house increases; for he will take nothing with him when he dies, his splendor will not descend with him.  "You can't take it with you" is so true. What I can't live without is a personal relationship with the Lord, and His promise of eternal life in heaven. John 17:3 Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. 

The rest of the quote from The Little Prince refers to the qualities of people that are often invisible to the human eye, but felt by the heart. Compassion, empathy, understanding, love, as well as emotional pain. Sometimes we judge with our eyes or what we've been told in our ears by someone else's judgment, and we forget how much that can hurt someone else. We may also forget how much that hurts our own hearts and how much it hurts God. Psalm 103:13-14 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. If we remember that the Lord is here but invisible, perhaps it would be helpful to remember the feelings of others in the same way. I love the THINK acronym (True Helpful Inspiring Necessary Kind) to help me to remember this. Lord, please help me to remember that! 

We waste a lot of time buying up things we think are essential to fill voids left by people or our own sadness. We fill up our homes with things we think will make us happier. We fill up our basements with "essentials," just in case the world goes cuckoo nutso. We worry we won't have enough. We fret because there is seemingly no one good left to trust and the world feels like it's falling apart. We worry about broken things, the kids, things we can't control, jobs, illnesses, and everything in between. We find things to worry about when there's nothing to worry about. I know some of these are valid concerns, but I also believe more in how powerful and merciful our God is. Psalm 68:19 Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. It's not always easy to see evidence of a torrential downpour and believe in the coming rainbow, but that's exactly what faith enables us to do. That's exactly what God provides for us. Philippians 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. He won't just meet some of our needs, but all of them. Why would He do that? Because He loves us. It's that simple. Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. He died for us even while we were still messing up, meets our needs, and daily carries our burdens. Only a Father who loves every part of us would do all of these things. 

  When we trust God for our needs, we no longer have to believe that the things of this world are "essential" and God is just floating around "out there" invisible. God is tangible when we trust Him with every area our lives, not just when things are going our way. He is felt and heard when we know Him. When we trust God instead of people–especially people in high places–we can know that we've put our faith in the One who knows us best and knows what is best for us.  Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. 

People may judge us for the missteps we make in life and even in our faith journeys, but God understands us, and even my childhood TV mentor and pastor, Fred Rogers placed a plaque in his office to keep his mind on "what is essential." We have all made mistakes and poor choices in life, but it's never too late to pick a new path and it's never to late to trust the Lord with our lives. The state of the world should give us all something to think about when choosing who or what to put our faith in. People and things will fail us, but God will not. 

Our faith becomes stronger the more we place our focus on God. Peter found this out when he stepped out of the boat toward Jesus, became afraid, looked away from Him, and then began to sink. We can't take our eyes off of Him, no matter what kind of storm we seem to be walking through or what the world looks like right now. For me, every day with God is essential and I can tell when I haven't listened to or talked to Him enough. I will be keeping my eyes on Him! 

Skilled At War

 Never make the mistake of assuming 

the person of peace is 

unskilled at war. 

The Full Armor of God

Ephesians 6:10-18 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord's people. 

What does it mean and how do we use it? 

Belt of Truth- Satan is a liar, and he fights with lies. He is cunning and sometimes he can make a lie seem true. God's Truth defeats Satan's lies!

Breastplate of Righteousness- Protects our hearts and assures us of God's love and approval of us, defeating the attacks of Satan on our trust, emotions, and self-worth. He goes for the heart, but God is the keeper of our hearts. We must protect it. 

Feet of readiness- To motivate us to tell others of the true peace that is available when we trust the Lord, even when Satan tries to convince us that it's too hard or too big of a job and that it's a hopeless, negative task. We must stay in peace even when we feel shaky, because we know God is peace. 

Shield of Faith- This is our faith that protects our hearts from Satan's attacks with temptations, setbacks, and insults. When we see with God's perspective, we see beyond our circumstances and know we will have ultimate victory when we stay with God. 

Helmet of Salvation- Satan wants us to doubt everything-God, Jesus, and even our own salvation. But when we protect our mind from doubting the Lord, His saving promises continue to keep us focused on eternity.

Sword of the Spirit-We can always trust the Word of God. We can always trust in the truth of what it says. It is always our first defense against Satan's attacks. We simply say, "Here's what God says about that," and the devil flees. 

I know this felt a little like Sunday School or Wednesday Night Church today, but I've had to keep my armor on lately, and a good brush-up of why we need to do that is always important. The world and people are not getting any easier, and it's getting more and more difficult some days to keep our eyes on God, but that's exactly what we need to do. Stay focused, and stay geared up for the attacks that are sure to come when we claim to be on God's side. My armor is polished up and pink. We've got this! 

Blessings! 

Be Good to Yourself, Always

 I have learned recently that I have not treated myself very well. I have used a self-damaging combination of shame, blame, guilt, the perceived and spoken judgments of others, and other toxic behaviors and have worn myself down in my spiritual, physical, and mental health. I now have a personal responsibility to build myself back up in all of those areas. It is not an easy climb back up, and I'm still not there. One thing I have come away with is that not only will I stop hurting myself, I will not allow others to do it either. When I opened the book recently recommended to me and saw the words, "it's great to have at least some part of your life where you feel like a hammer instead of a nail," I knew this was a book that could speak to what I need right now. I am getting really tired of feeling beaten down and tearing myself down. I am not finding the energy for things I enjoy, and I'm just going through the motions of life. I have a fake face, facade of sorts, and a fake happy persona to get me through, but I'm not feeling or behaving in a way that reflects my genuine self. 

I share my struggle because I'm not one of those Christians that is going to feel guilty about the way I feel. Just because I know the Lord, it does not exempt me from getting a cold, a chronic illness, or a change in my mental health. God blesses us, yes. But He also allows battles to fight and there is suffering in every person because we don't live in a perfect world, regardless of being Christians or not.1 Peter 5:10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. God doesn't love me any less or any more because I'm struggling with areas in my life. What I've come to learn is that I have things to learn, and I have a path to walk, and I may not always understand the things I come across on that path, but God is always with me and I'm willing to go on that walk with Him. Our life doesn't have to make sense to everyone else. Sometimes it doesn't even make sense to us. Psalm 61:2 From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. 

We all have individual experiences, and we are certainly very different people. What works for one may not work for another, but thank God we have God, and many types of resources and helpers He provides for all kinds of personalities and people. Some of us need a gently delivered message, and some need a reality check, and what I needed was someone who could tell that I wasn't honoring myself, and the last thing I need to hear was that my pain was all my fault. I was blaming myself for everything and wondering why I felt like I didn't matter to anyone. When we are heard, we are better able to take any accountability that may be there, because we can objectively tell our story without any judgment. James 4:12 There is only one lawyer and judge, he who is able to save and destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?

We carry with us our own perceptions of things, others, and ourselves long before anyone says a word to us. We can only see things from the standpoint of our own biases, opinions, and experiences. That can be a problem when we see or hear something we can't relate to. We see people struggling and acting in a way that is uncomfortable for us to handle, and instead of reaching out, we give judgment. I've received that judgment. I've been labeled and left out. It's been decided who I am and why I do what I do without even a conversation with me. I can't do anything about what other people think, nor do I always need to consider it. I'm grateful for the help I receive from people who SEE ME, and understand that there is more to me than just the surface. Most of us carry a lot more than what we show on the outside. It is good to consider everyone with this thought, and know that God sees and knows us completely, regardless of what people think they know and see. Compassion and understanding go a long way when truly giving our support to others, even when we don't quite "get" what they're going through just yet. Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 

I've started using the practices in the book that was recommended to me called Just One Thing, by Rick Hanson. The book presents a practice in each chapter that enables me to choose a specific area I need to work on and then focus on putting the action into place. It is a very down to earth, yet profound book, I have discovered so far. As I read through the first chapter, "Be good to yourself," I discovered that each chapter has a "How" section at the end. I have realized that this has always been my question with any advice ever given me. Great advice, I always think, but....how?? Great scripture, thanks. But...how?? Right now, I really need the "how." I have found that when I have specific and practical things to do that bring a benefit, even a gradual one, I will see the outcome in that. Otherwise, I remain a bit lost, especially when I am struggling. 

Sometimes we go through what we go through, to help others go through what we went through. –Kathe Wunnenburg

One practice in the "Be good to yourself" chapter is to ask myself, "Am I on my own side here?" when feeling frustrated, hurt, mistreated, stressed, or irritated, pushed to do something, or if I know there is something I need to do and I'm not doing it. When we are not on our own sides, we don't honor our own feelings, goals, values, or rules, and we can get even more stressed and upset. Asking myself this question gives me the accountability for my own will and also helps me to set better boundaries. Looking out for my own best interests helps me to better look out for the interests of others too. I'm not looking to place blame on others, but to see where I have made concessions in order to please others or allow my boundaries to be blown up in favor of a conflict-free interaction. It reminds me of an old Journey song, "Be good to yourself when...nobody else will..." In this case, always be good to yourself. It's not selfish, self-centered, arrogant, or any of those things someone tried to tell you. God created you. Be good to who God created. Respect yourself, love yourself, and good things will come from your God-given self. 

 I have entered into cognitive therapy in an effort to truly work on this God-given self. Often times when we get to the therapy room, it's because all other efforts have felt or become futile or worn thin. For me, I just need some new tools and a new understanding of how my former coping strategies have not worked for me thus far. It's important to understand that as Christians we can love and trust God, believe the Word of God, have strong faith, and still struggle with OURSELVES. I have no shame in that, nor would I judge anyone else for it. We are all trying to heal on many levels, whether it is from a medical or a mental health issue, and no one ever shames a person for a broken leg, do they? It's okay to limp a little as we learn, but keep praying for God's help and healing! I pray that if anyone reading this is struggling with their mental health that they do not feel alone! Deuteronomy 31:8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. It's okay to reach out for help at any time. 

One thing this book teaches is that when the brain stays in a negative state for too long, the neurons begin to change. So "as we think, we become", is the pattern this book is based upon. This got me motivated, because I really don't want my thoughts to continue to poison the actual neuroplasticity of my brain. Is this how older people become crochety? Yes! We are to renew our minds daily. Whatever it takes to get me back on a positive track is how I will turn this brain train around. Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. 

May God bless you, whatever journey you are on. 

 

My Light

“I will not allow my 

life’s light to be 

determined by 

the darkness

around me.”

Sojourner Truth 

People We Meet

 Despite how open, peaceful, and loving you attempt to be, people can only meet you as deeply as they've met themselves. 

Matt Kahn

Honest Reflections

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely, or unhappy is to go outside...I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles. 

–Anne Frank, The Diary of Anne Frank

I've been struggling. Sometimes I feel so defeated that I just don't enjoy the things that used to make me happy. Ironically, I miss the things that used to bring me joy. I'm just struggling. Sometimes life just deals normal "life" things, but they can drain us of energy, strength, time, joy, peace, and the spirit that makes us feel whole. Mother's day began with a 7am wakeup call alerting me that my brother was taken to the hospital and was on a ventilator, and it wasn't looking good. The next two weeks were a complicated journey for him and an emotional one for our family. He is now recovering, praise the Lord. There is more for him to do here, as I've told him. Our family, like many families, has had its share of difficult times, and as we get older, it seems to get harder. 

Part of getting older is that these urgent crises just seem to come too close together and there isn't time to even recover between them. Just when you think one thing is "over," another begins. Maybe that describes life in a sentence for some, but I haven't always lived that way–waiting for the other shoe to drop. Since 2020, I've been in a hypervigilant state, more concerned about everything. More worried, less joyful, and more alone than I've ever felt in my life. My life has changed and I'm not sure I've embraced all the changes.

I share this because even though I talk to less than 7 people on the regular, I know I can't be the only one who feels this way. Many people feel and are isolated. Maybe it's due to the fallout they experienced since the world changed so drastically, or maybe their own world changed drastically and nothing feels right, including themselves. 

As a believer in Christ, I often feel guilty that I feel weak or unsure or fearful, as I urge everyone else to lean on the Lord for strength and ability. But the truth is, it is sometimes easier to help others than it is to see what we need ourselves. Sometimes the encourager needs to be encouraged and the helper needs to be helped. Sometimes the one who seems the strongest is the one who's just been holding on really tight, trying not to break. 

I have gotten better at voicing where I'm at with my mental health, and sometimes we need to let others know the truth about that so they can try to understand.  People aren't mind readers. People also aren't our personal counselors. If a professional counselor is what we need, that is a perfectly smart and healthy resource to call upon. It helps to have an objective person to sort things out, and sometimes problems aren't as bad as we imagine them to be when understood  by someone who can put them in perspective. 

It's okay to not feel like we have it all together all the time and to not know the answers, even when we know Who has the answer. Knowing and living faith are two different things, and getting on the working path can take some time. I know this, and I also know that struggles are necessary for growth, so what I'm going through will produce something purposeful at some point. It just doesn't feel great at this moment. Romans 5:3-5 We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. 

I think it's important that while we should share our struggles with someone who truly cares for us, it is also important to take care of ourselves. Having even one trusted person to share our thoughts and hearts with will help us stay connected to someone who genuinely has our best interest at heart. Galatians 6:2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. I stress "truly cares" and "genuinely," because we really have to make sure that we don't turn to people we don't trust or who aren't invested listeners or to put it bluntly, "don't have a clue." It can cause more pain to trust in unreliable people, especially when our feelings are open wounds at times. 

It can become a vicious cycle when we are hurting to just keep getting hurt over and over. That's a pretty good sign that there is some work to be done inside, and we are not alone in this struggle, even if it feels that way at the time. I think there is a whole lot more to say on this topic, but I will leave it there for now. 

Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it. Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy. Psalms 96:11-12 

One thing that helps me when I get into one of those cycles is to get myself outside. It has always been my go-to for a healing experience, and continues to help me re-focus. Nature is God's way of comforting us. Go outside, take off your shoes, and sit with the sun on your face for just a little while. Let the birds sing you back into harmony, and take some deep breaths. Watch some clouds, feel the breeze on your face. If I had it my way, I'd live much closer to a Great Lake so I could get to the waves and the sunset every single day. That is where I feel completely free and unburdened. We all have a place that helps us heal. Let God heal you with His creation. Breathe it in! 

One breath prayer I learned is:

(Inhale) Wherever I go, Lord,

(Exhale) You are there.

Keep repeating the prayer as you breathe in and out. ( from Charles Stanley's Field Guide to God's Presence) As you breathe in and out, focus your heart and mind on Jesus and hear what He has to say to you.

Other physical ways to take care of ourselves are to make sure we are eating healthy foods, drinking plenty of water, getting adequate sleep, and getting some form of exercise. Do something we love at least once a day, whether it is reading a book, engaging in a favorite sport or hobby, or just going for a drive. My golf cart is my favorite thing right now, with my speaker in the back, playing my favorite songs while I tool around in the woods with my sweet dog, Angel. 

Keeping a gratitude journal helps us to stay focused on what we are thankful for. I start with basic things such as a roof over my head and fresh water to drink. People in many countries would love what we seem to take for granted. When we are thankful, we will find that there is much more good than bad going on, and we can feel stronger just knowing that. Just thanking the Lord for being present for every trouble is a daily gratitude we can share. I'm not a "cotton candy positive" kind of person, but I do feel that looking for the blessing in every messy situation has helped me to recover faster than I have in the past. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 

When we engage in self-care, sometimes we feel guilty or selfish, but we need to view it as a way to become our best selves. When we fill our own cups, we have more to give to others. An unhappy, exhausted individual is of no service to anyone else. I find that the reason I am struggling is because I have neglected all of the things that make me feel centered and normal, and I am now trying to pour from an empty cup. It makes me kind of bristly and tired and negative. Not fun! 

We can blame things on menopause, the economy, the weather, or whatever we want, but we're still responsible for how we care for others, and it does start with how well we're taking care of ourselves. My friend recently told me to learn the word, "NO," and I think in some circumstances, that is life-changing for those who don't set boundaries and find themselves miserable and overextended. I definitely think setting boundaries is another form of self-care we don't think about enough. That's another blog in itself. 

I wasn't going to write at all this month, as I'm overly busy and have gotten myself stuck in a bit of a flight, fight, and freeze state at times with the overwhelming things ahead. I find that if I write, it helps, so I hope something I've said here helps you as well. My encouragement to myself and to others is that "this too shall pass". I am strong, because the Lord is with me, and whatever comes my way, He will fight it ahead of me. My feelings are temporary and do not indicate truth or permanence. Blessings to you! 

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. 

Deuteronomy 31:8 

 

Short and Sweet

 If you are humble, nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are. If you are blamed, you won't be discouraged; if anyone calls you a saint, you won't put yourself on a pedestal. 

–Mother Teresa 

Perhaps this was what I was trying to say last week, but in too many words, because sometimes that's who I am. Forgive me, I am still recovering from some tough things. I am still trying to navigate myself through a world that is no longer a walk in the park with the same people. I am trying my best to find ways to reach others in peaceful ways, hence the whole point and title of this blog–The Olive Branch! I'll keep it short today.

I would also like to be reached toward, so I can't allow my frustrations to discourage me from being that instrument of peace. In this world, when we walk by faith and not by sight, everything has spiritual meaning. Everything, including the things we argue about, become diffused when in the presence of God. When we engage with people, our humility becomes our holiness. Our pride becomes the very thing that divides us. We have to decide what we are willing to put forth. For me, I want my faith to stand. My true, solid faith–the kind that is unrattled because the Lord is going before me and His joy is with me. To be this person, I have to remain in my faith, and not be shaken by the world. I have to know Whose I am. 

I hear a lot about people preparing for emergencies by stocking up on supplies, but I can say with certainty that the biggest thing I want to stock up on is meaningful relationships. Sadly, many of those have disappeared due to different circumstances, and it's still sad to me. Love is important to me. It's not important for me to have well-stocked shelves. Maybe that seems crazy to preppers out there, but I feel a more desperate need to have people close to me. There is love and comfort in people. Love provides strength, while fear steals it away. This is why we are to take care of our relationships and look out for others. 

"Sometimes when people speak, the impact of their words is so strong and goes so deep that they seem to have a quality of eternity about them." Thomas Moore, The Soul's Religion 

A quality of eternity. Perhaps if our conversations had that, we'd solve all the world's problems.  1 John 5:13 I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life. 

💗💗💗

A special THANK YOU to my talented and patient daughter, Natalie, who stayed very late on Friday to re-design my blog! Natalie is self-taught, so creative, and very caring and passionate about what matters to others. She is always thinking of ways to promote others and help people excel in life. She freely gives of herself to her work and family. This is part of what makes her such an amazing young woman! I love my new look! 

Visit her Etsy shop at  etsy.com/shop/lilywillowcollage 

The Choice is Ours

 At the present moment, I am positioned between two nesting birds–an Eastern phoebe under the eave of the garage to my right, and an American Robin in the crook of the crabapple tree to my left. Spring has finally pushed her way in and made everything new and green again, and for that, I am grateful. I am proud of those parent birds who follow their instinctive natures to care for their nests and young at all costs. Much like God is our shelter, and we are the fledglings under the protection of His mighty wings. Psalm 91:4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. These good mamas are keeping me from finishing a few of my outdoor tasks, as I am giving them the quiet space they require, but I am enjoying the view from my windows. 

With the coming of spring, the list of things I need to get done is longer than a CVS receipt. If you're unfamiliar with the notorious CVS receipt, they can be several feet long! Sprinkled throughout my normal tasks this year are two major events–a bridal shower we are hosting here at the house, and an upcoming wedding I am helping to plan. Do other life events take a pause in order for these things to take precedence in my life? No. Like the coming of spring, good things often come with a long list of more things to tackle, and life doesn't pause just because I have other things to do. 

I was lamenting yesterday that living in the woods may not have been the best idea. I had already sprayed myself with mosquito repellent twice, and was going back for a third application. They were relentless! Beauty and peace often come with a trade-off. Having lots of beautiful things comes with having to maintain and care for all of those things. If you want to enjoy a stick-free yard, you shouldn't have trees. But if you enjoy shade, you should also plan to rake. If you love birds, you should also plan on chasing squirrels out of the feeder. If you don't want to chase squirrels, don't feed birds. Whatever we enjoy will require energy in some form or another. How much we want to keep it will require more energy later when the newness wears off. 

What we want and don't want, for the most part, is our choice. It's important to choose wisely and know that there are some things–even good things– we may have to give up for the sake of our own joy and peace. Ecclesiastes 3:6 a time to keep and a time to throw away... It's good to work and be busy doing good things, but I don't think God means for us to be so busy that we become overworked and exhausted. 1 Corinthians 6:19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body. These are things to take to heart in any season–are we holding on to too much clutter and spending too much time organizing stuff we don't even need? Are we working countless hours on tasks that are draining our energy to the point that we don't enjoy it when we're finished? Things can be good, but also unnecessary if they begin to create chaos around us. 

Not to sound cliché, but life truly is made up of many choices strung together. Some are significant, and some are just minor decisions, but on a daily basis, we make some kind of choice. When I think about my reactions and responses to recent life situations that have occurred, those were all my choices to be made. It's true that we can't control what is happening around us, and we can't control other people or how other people conduct themselves. We can't predict weather or major news stories that may affect us. But we can choose how we react, respond, and interact in this world, who we surround ourselves with, what we do with our time, what we eat and drink.  We control the words we say, what we think and believe, and how we see the world, others, and ourselves. All of those influencing factors and choices will either move us forward or backward in life.

 I like the quote, "Don't let people pull you into their storm. Pull them into your peace." Every day we can be pulled into someone's chaotic situation and find ourselves commiserating and trading ooze with them, but there is nothing good to be discovered there. It is a wise choice to instead pull them into the peace we know as solution-seeking God choosers. It will then be their choice to accept it or not. With all choices come consequences, and in them we can either find peace or eventual regrets. When we make choices with God's solution already in mind, we know that we will be able to rest with whatever consequence it brings because we have His assurance. James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 

In a devotion titled, He's Moving You, Charles Stanley writes, "What you believe shapes how you respond to the challenges that arise." It's more than just a belief, as it also needs to be lived out. When faced with difficult news last week, I became ill. Although I thought I was leaning on God for strength and trusting God for the outcome, the stress in my body was overtaking me. When we believe God and truly know He will do what He says He will do, then we don't have to fear the outcome. It was clear that I was still holding on to the fear. It is a very normal and human response to feel afraid when a family member is going through a dire health situation. But God is always in control, and I remained prayerful, and kept giving my fear over to Him. It was a conscious choice every day to continue to trust God and keep believing for the healing and restoration of my family member. Psalm 16:8 I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. It was clear that I was allowing this new stressful situation to jump on top of the heap of other pressing situations I was already trying to manage on my own. I was choosing to take on all of this worry myself instead of stopping to pray first. It's a common mistake of mine. I get so caught up in my long list of things going on and before I know it I am overwhelmed and then something big happens and I begin to spiral. I'm really getting tired of this! But I already know the solution... 

Psalm 46:10 Be still and know. Just like it is a choice to lose my mind over life situations, it is also a choice to gather myself and pray about them. There is a chain of command in life, and God is at the top of the chain. When many things are going on in and around our lives that are beyond our control, we have to know that God will use it for our refinement. Job 23:10 He knows the way I take; when he has tried me, I shall come forth as gold. He sees the beginning and the end, and nothing that happens to us is a surprise to Him. We have the choice to trust Him, listen to Him, and allow Him to give us the strength we need to endure every trial we will encounter in this life. We may not know what's coming, but we can count on Who will be there with us every step of the way. 

 I would be remiss if I didn't mention the most important choice of all. Many still believe that God forces Himself on them. They are still picturing God as a demanding, angry ogre in the sky that carries a lightning bolt, ready to strike them down. One thing I would want them to know is that it is always a personal choice to follow God. He doesn't go where He isn't invited, and by that I mean He wants to be willingly invited into our hearts. We were created with the ability to choose LOTS of things, including the ability to choose or not to choose to follow or believe in the One who created us. Isn't that just wild? We can accept or not accept the salvation that He offers. God gave all the men and women of the Bible choices. Some followed Him and some did not. Deuteronomy 30:19 This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. 

I take comfort in knowing that my relationship with the Lord is a choice I make on my own. One in which the consequence defines the daily benefits! John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. And even that choice comes with its complications in this messy world, but we can endure that too. 

Toxic Relief

 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. 

James 3:16

I wrote about comparing ourselves to others in my post of March 25th. (None Can Compare) One of the reasons I addressed this is because part of the reason people can't extend compassion or love to others is because they can't get past their own issues. They are so busy with their own goals and their own selfish competitiveness that they can get pulled in the wrong direction. They become envious when they start coveting what others have. They become competitive when they fight for what others are attaining. To do so is to follow the direction of the devil, to put it simply. James 3:14-15 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. To think we are exempt from this is to be naive. We are all capable of becoming these people, especially because we live in a fallen world. We fail every day, probably multiple times, because we have an innate selfish desire. That's pretty hard to admit, but we do. Galatians 5:17 For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. The good news is that we have the advantage of listening and following the leading of the Holy Spirit, which opposes our selfish feelings, so that we can tell the difference. But we still have to have the DESIRE to do so, and therein lies the problem. If all we decide to do is continue giving in to every self-serving feeling we have, we will continue to follow our fleshly desires and find disorder at the end of it. 

People who recklessly live in this way can eventually come to be known as "hurting people hurt people" due to all the lashings they give out, and the general uneasiness felt in their presence. If you haven't heard that saying yet, it genuinely makes me cringe when I hear it. Sometimes it gets used as an easy excuse for why people act in the careless way they do. However true it may be, the truth bomb that exists with this phrase is that some people who wear this phrase like a medal can also come to be known as "toxic." While I am compassionate toward genuine pain and anguish, this is not what I am referring to. I am referring to the lack of self-awareness of inflicting their own personal pain onto others, and the person who is not doing the internal work to heal from those wounds. Proverbs 28:13 He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.  It is true that when we are hurting on the inside, we can become like an open sore on the outside and also very self-focused. Everything anyone says can seem like a direct hit. So of course, any word of correction, however gently spoken, is going to hurt like a teacher's wooden paddle with those big ole holes in it. Any type of help offered is going to seem like an intrusion of their pity party instead of a genuine desire to see that person healed of their constant misery. It's not a sin to feel pain and emotional hurts, but we can become in danger of sinning when we don't allow God to heal us of our pain and we begin hurting others with it. While I cringe at the phrase, it is true. Hurting people really do tend to hurt other people. 

I've wallowed. I get it. It's not a great place to park! Woe, oh woe, is me! Thank God I had someone speaking firm truth into me and reminding me to keep my focus on the Lord and not my problem. Did I want it to come packaged a little more warm and fuzzy? Probably, but in the end, I learned that warm and fuzzy wasn't getting me healed, and having God's Truth in my face was. We don't like to hear truth sometimes. It makes us defensive and mad, and the messenger often gets judged, shot down, criticized, and eliminated altogether. Self-pity makes us prideful and foolish. That's why the devil wants to keep us there. Proverbs 23:9 Do not speak to a fool, for he will scorn the wisdom of your words. If someone who cares about you (that part matters) is telling you a God Truth (this part also matters) for your healing, it's because they want to see you LIVE. We would be wise to listen. I'm not here to judge the pain of others or lump all pain in one big box. I am always speaking from a place of personal experience, and since I'm not unique, I believe others may relate. Remember, the devil would have us in a constant state of disorder. None of us is exempt from this. Not Christians and not nice, kind, well-meaning people. Perhaps those are the biggest targets of all. 

We don't always want to do what is right, even when we know the difference. We know we shouldn't be indulging in certain conduct, but even as we sense the Spirit of God starting to shut us down, we keep on going. We gossip, we throw a tantrum, we criticize, we ridicule, we unfairly judge, we withhold love, confuse, ignore, and a whole host of other toxic behaviors. The choices fall in what we do after we've done this. And what if we are being hurt by toxic behaviors? It seems that anger is a point of reference when relating to toxicity in the Bible. Ephesians 4:31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Why are we so angry with others? Angry with ourselves, maybe? Life in general? I don't know, but it does seem that God desires that we heal from it so that we are able to forgive and keep it moving.

Toxic people in our lives can be used by the enemy to tear us down. They can be in our own families. They can be bosses, spouses, friends, or other close acquaintances. And while some people are just bothersome (us included at times), toxic people are those who continuously affect us negatively or harmfully to the point of dragging our spirits down. The person may not respond well to conversation or confrontation, and disregards your feelings altogether, leaving you without a choice but to walk away. Luke 6:28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. While love is always the best option, sometimes distance is the healthiest one. Only God can heal hurting people who hurt people. Every situation requires a different response, but God is always the solution. 

When we have been or are the toxic person, we need to first want to change. Ironically, a toxic person becomes toxic due to their lack of a desire to grow or change. We then need to repent for our misdeeds and apologize. Becoming aware that we are the problem is having to become humble, which is not always easy for a person who has been going off the rails for awhile. Proverbs 11:2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. We need to ask God to point out the behaviors that need to change in us, and then we can start getting healthy. Romans 8:2-3 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering 

That may involve setting new boundaries and learning new relationship skills, but what it will definitely require is to focus those new relationship skills on getting to know the Lord. God will show us how to give and receive, instead of always be so self-focused. He will teach us to lead with compassion and heart instead of envy and self-ambition. He will show us to lead with patience and love, instead of frustration and annoyance. God is patient with us. 2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. This is a relationship that won't give up on us, but He also wants us to treat all of our relationships better. Romans 12:10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. When we build an honest relationship with God, He will remove our confusion and replace it with wisdom. We can become the humble and kind people that others will gravitate toward. It is possible to change from a toxic person to a healthy one when we sincerely desire to change and invite God into the process. 1 John 1:9-10 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. 

One thing I know is that you can't make another person want to change, no matter how much you care. Even if you love them or think you know what would help them. You can only change yourself. You can't make another person want to live, let alone live a joyful life. You can only choose to live your own life and be joyful, despite the gloom and doom around you. One of the sayings I hear a lot is "It is what it is," and I don't think it's actually true unless we're talking about a tangible object. It may be a circumstance or a person can appear a certain way, but we have a choice whether or not we subject ourselves to it or accept it. It objectively may be "what it is," but we decide if it becomes a truth in our lives. It seems to me that when we give up or give in due to complacency or fear of change, we also decide that we're going to tolerate the outcome as well. God does not want that for us. He especially doesn't want us in relationships or situations that hurt our hearts, bodies, minds, and spirits that He so lovingly created on purpose for a purpose. Matthew 22:37 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind... When we do this and we become who this will make us into, we will no longer surrender to the condition of "it is what it is," whatever that may be. We don't have to succumb to toxicity or the behaviors that lead to it. We can live blessed lives and become the blessings we are meant to be. 

My Choice to Forgive

 To err is human, to forgive divine -Alexander Pope 

The concept of forgiveness is an interesting and perplexing one. I've been looking to gain some more insight on why some people choose not to forgive, and others seem to be able to in seemingly impossible situations. The fact that forgiveness is a choice gives me a clue as to the power that it holds. When I think of forgiveness, I also think of love. We love people not because they are always on their best behavior and making us happy. We choose love in those times when our emotions are all over the place and not to be trusted. People are fickle. They make mistakes and don't keep promises. They let us down and sometimes cause irreparable harm. We are those same "people" doing those same things to others. Sometimes we are the forgivers and sometimes we are the one in need of forgiveness. But love and forgiveness both require the same thing–a conscious choice. 

There will most likely not be a day that we suddenly "feel" like forgiving someone who hurt us. So we must choose to, just like the days we choose to love long after the warm and fuzzy feelings of new love wear off. Forgiveness means something different to each person, because everyone has a different story to tell. I have written about this topic more times than I can count, and I still discover new things about myself each time I'm faced with it. Why is it so hard to wrap our heads around forgiveness? Psalm 103:8-12 The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love, He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Forgiveness is often seen as a divine gift, because it takes a Godly effort in order to do it. With God's grace, we are able to be forgiven for our own sins, and because of that, we can forgive others. Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. In other words, we are all sinners in need of God's forgiveness. 

Many people in the research I found attached forgiveness to acceptance. "Why should I forgive someone who isn't sorry?" came up over and over. "No one should ever give up their power by forgiving someone who keeps hurting them over and over!" was another popular response. "Grey rocking is the only way to show them who's boss!" seems to be the new way to "get back" at the narcissists who hurt them. (grey rocking is when you disengage or act indifferently so that someone will lose interest and stop bothering you) But the problem with all of those methods is they all require so much self-control to maintain them. The main theme throughout them is you have to stay in some form of anger, resentment, bitterness, or negative emotion. They also require action from the other person. I can say from experience that if you're waiting for an apology, changed behavior, or to "win" at anything with someone who hurt you, you're just wasting more precious time. Ephesians 4:31-32 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. To keep being angry requires thought, passion, stress, and a constant watch over your shoulder to see if the person who hurt you is around. As justified as we may feel at the time, holding the offense over the other person will never make us more right and them more wrong. We just end up more wounded by our own bitterness because we don't allow ourselves to heal.  I know that's not a popular opinion, based on the things I've heard and seen. We sometimes have a strong sense of justice that says others need to pay for what they've done, or it's not fair if they are getting away with hurting us. All of those things may very well be true, however, they won't be solved with unforgiveness. Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. God sees what has been done to us, and in due time will make it right if we trust in Him. 

I could tell you story after story about my own unforgiveness journeys and how wrong I handled them. These days, we hear a lot about people being offended and who is doing the offending, but we don't see a lot of those stories being resolved. That's the problem. Somehow we think our strength is in holding on to what has been done to us, and the weakness lies in letting go of it. But we need to look at this God's way. Just because we let go of the offense, it doesn't mean it never happened, or we've forgotten it. I'm grateful that not only does God forgive us, but He also forgets. Hebrews 8:12 For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more. In my own examples, replaying the words over and over just kept me in a cyclone of anger and bitterness, and I couldn't move on. I kept getting sucked into it like a tornado and my feelings were being flung around like debris, not caring who they hit. Being unforgiving kept me in a state of carelessness and self-serving sadness. Holding grudges and waiting for justice just kept me stuck. Romans 12:17-18 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  When we give our offenses to God first, we can avoid a whole lot of personal tornadoes! God will help us forgive in the hardest places, because He's in the business of healing our broken hearts. 1 Peter 4:8 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. In my case, I had to keep handing it to God over and over, because I was hard-headed and prideful. Proverbs 11:2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Yes, even when someone has done something terrible to us, we can get out of hand if we're not careful. Part of me was just wanting to be RIGHT! Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you–for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others.  But I could hear God saying to me, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be at peace?" It's a choice. 

Why does forgiveness start with love? Because love keeps no record of wrongs. (1 Corinthians 13:5) Colossians 3:13-14 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. We don't have to like the person we are forgiving. We don't even have to maintain a relationship with them. We aren't even forgiving them for their benefit. But when we let go of the resentments we've been carrying toward them, we free ourselves of the burden of them. That person doesn't even ever need to know you forgave them in order for this to be healing for us. I think the misconception people have is that the person doing the hurting is going to get some kind of satisfaction from being forgiven. In some cases that could be correct if they are truly remorseful, but if they aren't, it won't matter to them if you forgive them or not. Again, it's not about winning anything, or even who is more right and who's more wrong. It's about peace. 

People have asked me for forgiveness, and I didn't even know what had been done to warrant it. We'd never even had words before. We don't know what is going on in other people's hearts at any given time, which is why we are to put on love instead of judgment. Colossians 3:12-14 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. I didn't question their request and simply gave them my forgiveness. I did so with love, because it felt like love when it was brought to me, regardless of their reason. 

Forgiving someone who hurt you deeply is a choice, just like loving that person is or was a choice. It's difficult sometimes, because as I've experienced, sometimes a person continues to hurt you while you're still in the process of forgiving them. People can be prideful (cough cough...me) and they don't want to admit fault, sometimes they aren't sorry at all, or they don't even know you (a public figure, rude stranger, etc...). Like I said, forgiveness stories are different for everyone. I called on God many times to help me, because in my humanness, I kept taking the offense back. I kept feeling the emotions that kept me trapped. I would rewind and re-watch the scenes over and over, trying to find meaning. Just when I thought I was "over" the offense, I would start feeling angry all over again. Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. God understands our fickle human hearts because He created them. Romans 5:6-8 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. When we live in God's grace, we will extend this same compassion to others, giving and receiving love and forgiveness as God intends.