A Character that Reveals

 When you love your enemies, 

you reveal what kind of God 

our God is. 

I was thinking today about how stubborn we are as people sometimes. Oh, I know...probably not you, it's just me! When we get our knickers in a knot about something, we just can't let it go, and it threatens our very peace. It's ridiculous, really. It only takes a few of those "knots" before I find myself all twisted up about everything, and suddenly I find myself pretty worked up. The complicated part of this is when we get worked up about people–especially people in our own circles. This is how petty arguments, grudges, and sometimes complete ice-outs start. We then wonder, "how did this start?" Well, it's usually a combination of us, us, and a little of them. 

I was reading something today that said, "Remember the concept of 'enemy' is not a permanent state but a temporary position." In further explanation it went on to say, "those who persecute us today may, in God's grace, become those who protect us tomorrow." Think of Paul, who went from an enemy of Christians to a great preacher! Because we are transformed by the love of God, by his grace, we will not stuck being in a permanent state of anything bad, negative, or adverse if we allow ourselves to be changed. Can you imagine harnessing the power of the most evil person you can think of today and having it instead be used for good? That's our guy Paul, loosely described. That's what happens when we allow God to have and use every bit of us, past and present. 

I was struck by those words, "temporary enemy." When I wrote "Butterflies in Bloom" in the book, Thoughts From a Friend, co-written with my dear friend Norm Sawyer, these types of changes are what I was referring to. We can transform from an enemy to a friend by the choice we make in our hearts to walk with the Lord and trust Him with our lives. We don't have to always be known by the persecution we've brought onto ourselves or to others. Every bit can be transformed into something good and useful in God's hands. 

1 Corinthians 1:26-29 Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of this world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things–and the things that are not–to nullify the things that are, so that no one could boast before him.

It would be so easy to judge, argue, fight, and ice people out if all we did was watch the news all day or scroll social media and decide to point fingers at who we agree with and who we think are wrong. But that isn't what God commanded us to do, and we are falling short when we reduce ourselves to this temporary position. The world and all of its issues is temporary. Even our opinions are, if you think about it! 

But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Luke 6:27-28

Love your enemies and do what? Do the impossible, it seems, right? How did Jesus love us when we are/were His enemies? Good question, and I'm not sure at my level of spirituality I even have the best answers, but He loves me right where I'm at. He loves me when I'm being a messy mess, and He loves me when I'm doing everything to be a loving, encouraging woman of God. He loves me when I am not doing what I should, and He loves me when I am. He died for me when I was wrong and making a mess. Romans 5:8-9 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. By doing so, He teaches me that I don't have any business judging other people's messes. It sure is easier than loving them, isn't it? Well, we think it is. That's the hard human part of us. Romans 2:1 You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Ouch!  Peace comes when we stop trying to change everyone else and we start learning how to love, in spite of it all.  

I don't get to decide that "today I am the judge of so and so" because I saw what you posted on "such and such." No. Because there either was a day or will be a day when WE are someone else's "enemy." There will also be a day when that person or we will be the protector. When we choose to be understanding and compassionate instead of judgmental, we will be able to love our enemies the way God does. Maybe I'm still in my "Pollyanna Era," but I do believe we are stronger when we work together for a common goal. But we all have to want that same goal too. 

We are transformed by the love of God and by the example of Jesus that He set for us. Will it be easy? Nothing about being a part of this imperfect world is easy, but we can be a part of it that shows the world the character and the love of Jesus. 

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even while we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ–by grace you have been saved. Ephesians 2:4-5

Remembering the Professor

  He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. 

Micah 6:8 

I frequently peruse the obituary section of my local paper. Don't ask me why–it's always been a habit of mine. If I ever come across my name in there, I'll let you know. A few weeks ago I came across the obituary of someone whose face was vaguely familiar. I looked at the name, and something jostled in my memory. I toggled the recesses of my mind and stared into his warm brown face with the gentle brown eyes, and it came to me. This was my Honors Political Science professor from college. I hadn't seen him since my first semester of school, when I walked into his class as a young teenager.

The memories of his class came flooding back. Not so much all of the lessons, though I shocked myself into receiving better grades than I ever had in my high school Government class. This class–this soft-spoken professor–had piqued my curiosity and I found a place in me that began to grow in knowledge, not just regurgitate useless information from an old textbook. He loved students and teaching, and it showed in his eagerness to share his wealth of information.  I had struggled with learning at different times throughout school, but had discovered my learning style and my confidence in college and it showed in the new grades I had been earning. I mentioned that the class was honors because I found that the smaller class and more hands-on, conversational and focused learning was what helped me to excel. 

This class also happened to take place during my first year as a registered voter, and I had not really paid attention to or cared much for political topics before, other than Jimmy Carter (and daughter Amy) was my favorite and he liked peanuts!  Sure, I heard my parents talking and I knew where they stood on candidates, but I had my own mind, and I was new to the world in many ways, having just stepped into college as a fresh adult.  I really wanted to honor that part of myself that was curious–about people, about issues, about the world, and where my place was in all of it. If I was going to vote, it would be my vote–not just what my parents believed (unless I agreed, of course!). 

When my professor spoke on the upcoming election, I began to learn something very important about him, and it's something I've never forgotten my whole life. He said at the beginning of our August term, in his low, soft Spanish accent, that we would never learn what his "political leaning" was. We would learn instead about more important things. And he stuck to it. Not once could we detect a favoring of one side or another, nor did he judge, cheer, or sneer toward any student who did. Not so much as a blink or sniffle when strong opinions came flying from the back of the classroom! We all joked, trying to figure it out, but we never did! I came to find a true comfort in this kind of presence and indulged myself in it, knowing that this was the way people should conduct themselves when wanting others to learn, and more importantly, to listen. I was so young, yet I look back now and I know that his example colored everything I believe today about getting along with others when it comes to the delicate subjects in life. (I didn't say I was successful at it...yet)

They will be celebrating his life later this month. As I read further in his obituary, I learned more about this man who was responsible for shaping my political mindset. This is just one paragraph of several that described him:

"This look at --'s life would not be complete, though, without mentioning his dedication and passion for self-governance and the assurance of due process. It didn't matter to him who was right or wrong, on the same side as he was or not—ensuring due process was the critical procedure for sorting it out. Justice and fairness throughout everything from life at the college to life in the United States had to include due process. He taught it, and he practiced it whenever he could. This dedication was absolutely the lawyer, the professor, and the humanitarian rolled into one ethic." 

His long career was marked by several awards and positions, however, he will never know the impact he had on each one of his young students like me. 

It's another election year, and I'm long past my teenage years. I'm remembering the past few elections and how tumultuous they've been, and how I haven't always been able to "professor" my way through them with a gentle presence. We are facing yet another difficult election year, and continue to be a divided land in many ways. I'm curious about how he handled the things America has faced, and what he would have said from an American's just and fair point of view. I can only search out this definition for myself with the application of his legacy, and combine it with the practice of God's application of love and grace. My mentor, Norm, reminds me of this every time I get upended over something going on in the world. Psalm 118:8 It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.  We can't control the actions and reactions of others, and we certainly can't control what happens in the world, but we can control ourselves and we can trust God. 

When I think about this in a "big picture" sense, I think about what is most important. When someone reads my obituary one day, what do I want to be remembered by? Is it how I influenced people to vote, or is it how I influenced people to love or live in harmony with one another? And if it's the latter, how can I apply love and peace to everything and everyone, every single day until the day I die? Colossians 3:12-14 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them together in perfect unity. 

Challenge Update

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. 

Psalm 46:1-4

I am popping in to say that I will not be posting my final fire challenge this week, and it may be some time before I will be able to complete it. My vacation was not a factor, as previously stated, as the vacation did not end up taking place. I got sick and had to cancel our anniversary trip. I am waiting for the woodstove to be installed in the cabin and then I will complete the final challenge, God willing. 

My struggles pale in comparison to the millions of people down south who are reeling from the double hurricane aftermath. While there are plenty of places to donate, it is sometimes hard to vet the ones that are legitimate. I found some pre-vetted sites on today.com if you are interested.

May God be with each and every person struggling today, whether it is with a hurricane mess or some other disaster. There is no shortage of disasters in our big world. Sometimes there are so many things going on at once, I can't keep it all straight. Thank God I don't have to. We can pray, help each other, and keep looking for the blessings we know will be there. 

Fire Challenge: The Hungry Fire

 When I woke up this morning, I was covered all the way up to my chin with both of the blankets on the bed. That is unusual for me, and what it told me was that it was going to be the perfect day for the next Fire Challenge! I stepped out of bed, and sure enough, the house was cold, and it looked pretty chilly outside too. Yay!! Who else is ready for sweater weather? Oh, just me? 

Today's Fire Challenge is called "The Hungry Fire" (Thank you, Brooke- Girl in the Woods) and it's about pushing myself to my edge, literally and figuratively. It's about letting my mind take control of my body and being empowered by how that feels–both physically and mentally.     

 I can easily fall into a depressed state when my body is in severe pain and stopping me from enjoying life, because I just can't see the point of the pain. I try not to stay there too long, but there is always a fear of that feeling lingering, so I'm taking steps to better manage my body and my mind as one, super-powered unit! Pain is pain, plain and simple, but it needs to stop winning in my mind. It already takes my body. 

So this challenge was needed, because my body and my mind are often incompatible with one another. We are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds all the time. These challenges are helpful to me, but just like Brooke, I do them with God's help, because without Him, all of this stuff is just human-powered, and I've already tried that stuff. It doesn't last.  Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. 

Okay, on to the challenge! You're not going to like this any more than I did! Today was the day for it because it was the chilliest morning we had, and the challenge was to jump in a cold body of water first thing in the morning, have a fire, and then cook something over it. Yikes! Well, I don't have a body of water handy, so I decided to do this challenge in the safety of my shower. I turned on the icy, frigid water in my cold, unheated bathroom, took a few deep breaths and stepped in. I followed Brooke's instructions to avoid gasping, shrieking, shaking, or any other normal human response. I have to say, I was very cool and chill about the whole thing. (I had to!) However, after a few shocking and near-death moments, I became slightly nauseous, so I decided I felt empowered enough and stepped right on outta there. Seriously though, what I got out of it was that I am able to empower my body with my mind and let it know that I am in control. Who is the boss of this body? ME! Brrrrr....I was kinda proud of that moment. 

When Brooke stepped out of the river, she said things like, "That was painfully good! Wow, that was great!" That was not my experience, but who knows? Maybe I will get better at this as I get stronger. I do want to add that if you decide to try this, you may want to check with your doctor first to make sure it's safe for you to do. 

I had no plans to cook anything, as I don't eat breakfast, but I went outside and built a big fire, and pondered the verse that Brooke suggested for this challenge, Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. And that's where it's at. Where is my mind? What am I thinking about? What am I hungry for–figuratively?

Where our minds go, our health can follow, and I am an example of that. I struggle with anxiety, and it does terrible things to my body. I started these challenges because I am willing to go out of my comfort zone. Sometimes that's what it takes for both the body and the mind to get on track. 

A change in behavior, attitude, thoughts, and practices don't change with just a great Bible verse, a sermon, one challenge or even five. It's a desire and a decision to want change, first of all. And then a continuation of the renewing of the mind and the good discipline that follows. 

With each challenge, I have done the physical exercise, the journaling, and the fires. Along with that, I have noticed daily lessons coming from my mentor, and I'm continuing reading and journaling along with another helpful book. When I'm finished with all of these, I will move on to more learning tools. When we want change in an area of our lives, we need to keep asking for God's help, and then keep it moving. 

I've journaled along the way and asked myself some tough questions too. Life is never about standing still and expecting things to get better. It's about looking within and saying, "God, what do you want to change in me so that I can better represent You?" 

**Stay tuned for my final challenge. It may be delayed due to some vacation plans, but you won't want to miss it! 

Fire Challenge #2 Commitment

 Good morning and happy Friday!

 I haven't forgotten about my weekly challenge report that was due yesterday, but I did get a little sidetracked, which is no surprise to me at all. This week's Fire Challenge is the Commitment Fire! I set my goal last week, and now it's time to expand that into a vision, make tracks toward it, and burn all my fears and limitations that have been holding me back. Well, I've already been doing those steps, so I feel I'm already ahead, but I will share more about how Brooke from Girl in the Woods presents this crucial step. (visit Girl in the Woods)  The video for this step is called "Lost proof yourself" and the activity involved is to go exploring somewhere out of your comfort zone, starting at a "bullseye" point and working your way outward. In essence, let's get out of our comfort zones! 

As usual, get outside, explore and take in all of the beauty that nature provides and this week is about adding more reps to the exercise plan. Instead of 5 of everything, now it is 10. I'm still skipping the skips, but that's okay! Oh, skipping used to be so much fun...

When I said I got sidetracked, it involved a different kind of exploring, a longer held vision, and a lot of different kinds of exercise. I spent the day cleaning in the basement, and when I tell you I went exploring, expanding, and got out of my comfort zone, you just better take my word for it. I do not like the basement at all, but part of my commitment is realizing I need to attack certain projects so that my vision can become a reality. 

This is not the initial goal I had written down, but it is an important step along the path to reaching it, for sure. I haven't had a fire just yet, but tonight seems like a beautiful night to have one since we've had some recent rain. I will be writing down and tossing into the flames, the following things:

negative people (well, not actual people-just names), excuses, past failures, mistakes-past and present, harmful people, anything and anyone that holds me back...

I'm going to tear it off and burn it, friends, and I hope that you will join me in throwing off anything that is hindering you from your goals, dreams, and visions. The time is now for MORE exercise, MORE vision, and MORE progress, not less. Let's GOOOOOO!!!!

Another thing I took from Brooke's video is a quote she stated, "Different is better than better."  As Brooke pointed out, it takes awhile to just be okay with being who you are. At 53, she wears an Indiana Jones style hat with a feather, long braids and long earrings. It took her awhile to accept her own different style and that it wasn't going to blend in with everyone else. We can struggle with this at all ages. Be okay with different, and just be. My style may blend in, but I don't always feel like I fit in, and it's tough to feel like an outsider and not think there's something wrong with us. When the difference is on the inside, I think it's a little harder to convince ourselves that we're okay being who we are. This challenge is for me to grow to accept myself more as well as accomplish my big audacious goal. 

The Scripture for this Commitment challenge is Psalms 27:13 I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. 

The land of the living is everywhere, and with the way I've been feeling, I just know I've been in survival mode way too long. I need to recommit to the Lord's land of the living, because my living has been pretty disappointing. The goodness of the Lord is inside–in the cobweb-laden basement and in me! And it is outside–everywhere the breeze touches. Nature thrives, and I want to learn from nature that I too am His creation, and I am to thrive everywhere, not just survive. 

 Found today in my notes: "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. We could all use a little more love to build each other up." 

1 Corinthians 8:1-3 Now about food sacrificed to idols: We know that "We all possess knowledge." But knowledge puffs up while love builds up. Those who think they know something do not yet know as they ought to know. But whoever loves God is known by God. 

Fire Challenge #1 Awakening

 I'm jumping back in again this week because I'm doing a new thing! I've begun a series of "fire challenges" created by a YouTube content creator I've been following for awhile (Girl in the Woods, see below). The challenge is called "Change Your Life in 5 Fires." It is outdoor based and centered around setting goals, building confidence, and taking small steps toward reaching those goals. I wasn't ready for this challenge when she presented it in a 5 video series last year, but I feel up for the challenge this year, and I want to share my thoughts and experiences with you as I take these challenges on. Thankfully all of the challenge elements can be modified, and since we've had no rain for weeks, I won't be starting an actual fire(yet), but instead will be doing this challenge by the light of the sun for now!  I plan on executing my challenge on Tuesdays and sharing my thoughts on Thursdays each week. 

The first Fire Challenge is called "Awakening" and involves asking ourselves some questions– "What have I been missing/needing?" "Have I had any new realizations?" "What are my dreams, goals, visions?" We then set a goal, and ask ourselves what we are willing to risk/sacrifice to get to where we want to go. We then write the goal down and determine what small steps will it take to get there. The fire involves tearing off the goal and tossing it into the fire as a symbolic way of committing to it, I suppose. We then involve the body, mind, and spirit into the whole decision making process. And no, it's not "woo woo," because I'm not "woo woo", and neither is Brooke, from Girl in the Woods! But what we do have in common is a passion and love for God and the outdoors!

The challenge is to include some physical exercise (every day), using all of the senses outside, and reflecting on a Bible verse (Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is–his good, pleasing, and perfect will. )

Well, Tuesday was my first week of the Fire Challenge, and it wasn't what I was expecting. First of all, I have a 13 year old senior citizen companion dog who can't seem to live without me, and she followed along. Well, sort of. I set off with my plan, and she promptly set off to sniffing something she couldn't bear to leave behind. I was then surrounded by chickadees who recognize me as their "Snow White," and wanted their daily dinner served. I was only halfway down the trail and I turned around to go retrieve the birdseed and my precious pet. We eventually made it all the way to the cabin, where I sat on the small porch and wrote my goals down in a small notebook, all the while my dear pooch staring at me, waiting anxiously to return home.  

I succumbed to her plea to return, but as I turned, I stopped to catch some whirling tiny brown birch leaves that had been released from their summer captivity as a warm breeze swirled by. I took in the clove-like scent of the coming fall season, reached down and touched the curling rusting leaves of the ferns that surround my little cabin. I heard the chip-chip-chip of the sneaky chipmunks that torment Angel, but delight me as they dart away from her in the comfort of the woodpile. In searching for the most massive and the tiniest of things around me, I turned my face up to the sky to the covering of expansive black arm-like branches of a strong and timeworn oak tree, and then peered down to its base to the daintiest red wintergreen berries on tender green shoulders. The minty taste of one warm tiny berry melted in my mouth as I thanked God for placing all of His perfect details here to discover every need in me. 

As part of the exercise portion of the challenge, Brooke suggested 5 lunges, 5 push-ups, and 5 skips along the walk, as well as some time with socks off and hands and feet in the grass. Well, I did the lunges and the walking part. That went fine. I tried to skip, but realized immediately that while certain parts of me can skip, other parts say ski-nope. No worries, I got the important part of the challenge completed! 

I am hesitant to share what I wrote down in my small pocket journal, because our goals are not really everyone's business, but I do plan to share that goal with the people closest to me who encourage and support my dreams, values, goals, and visions. That way I can also share with them my setbacks and progress and they can do what they always do–support me. I'm not sure that the goal itself is as important as sharing with you that it is necessary to take time out in your day to exercise, ponder a goal, spend time with God in His perfect creation, and find a Scripture to reflect upon. 

If you're interested in doing a "Change Your Life in Five Fires Challenge," it doesn't require real fire or even grass, and all activities can be modified according to beliefs, location and health situation. Brooke (Girl in the Woods www.youtube.com/@therealgirlinthewoods ) is an experienced outdoor adventurist, Christian, esteemed YouTube creator, and spent two seasons on the History Channel's Alone series! (Alone Season 4, Vancouver Island, B.C. 2017; Alone Season 5, Mongolia 2018) All credit goes to her for the content of this blog and the four that will follow! 

Show Me

 "You can't go back and 

change the beginning, 

but you can start

where you are and 

change the ending." 

–C.S. Lewis 

Last weekend, I celebrated my birthday with my family. I chose to spend it at a big arcade we used to go to when the kids were younger, and it was even more enjoyable with my new son-in-law and son-in-law-to-be. Finding things we all love to do as a group is very important to me. My birthday may be about me getting one year older, but it's more about me celebrating one more year growing in spirit. I also try to find more things that I can learn about or do that I've never done before. 

Steve took me to dinner on my actual birthday to our favorite sushi place, but strangely enough, I'm the only one in the family who hasn't been brave enough to ever try the sushi there. I always order the hibachi. Well, this time I tried sushi for the first time in my life. It was okay. I may give it another try sometime.  As I often say about new things, "It didn't wow me." In the car I said to him, "I'd like to get a Checkers game. I've never played Checkers before." So off we went to Target–purchased a Checkers game and played it when we got home. When you grow up the youngest child with a huge gap between you and the older ones, and not really into a game-playing family, you don't learn how to play cards and simple things like Checkers. But you do like to play Skee-ball and Centipede on a giant screen....

Lately, my mentor has been sending me Scripture and his thoughts on them. This has been thought-provoking and has applied to many things I have been going through in my life. It led me to think about this deeper. When we are open to learning and doing new things, we are also open to hearing, seeing, tasting, feeling, and knowing them too. Our senses become aware to those things that we are yearning for. What is it that I am seeking? What is it that I have been asking God to show me? Being open to it will reveal His hand and how He has been present with His answers. Proverbs 2:1-5 My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding indeed, if you look for it as silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. 

I've asked God to help me find courage lately. It's something obvious we might overlook, but life and the living of it takes a lot of courage. Just trying new things takes audacity–a willingness to take bold risks. Stepping out–whether in the world or in faith–takes boldness sometimes. I've done and said things without a safety net plenty of times. I still do from time to time, but that's not always courage. Sometimes it's just plain carelessness, and I've been plenty careless in my life. Haven't we all? I sure hope I'm not the only one who has said and done foolish, thoughtless things. 

 God is showing me these weak places in a way that has brought more awareness to my words and to my actions. I've asked for courage and he spotlights my weaknesses. We have to know where we've given up, given in, or not held the line at all in order to know where we need to get stronger. Things really do fall apart before they get better sometimes, and this is the kind of growth that both hurts but sustains us for better things. 

God is showing me that to become comfortable with and be who I truly am,  I have to stop living in fear. I have to stop living rejected. I have to face my fears and stop  hiding from the things that cause me pain. I have to fight back. Philippians 4:13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength. When I've asked for courage, it seems I'm asking God for permission to walk in my own skin. So I have to break it down a bit further and say to myself, remember Whose you are. He has chosen, predestined, and adopted you because he loves you. Ephesians 1:4-5 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will

Yes, it seems I need even more than courage, and I will probably need something new in five minutes, because I need God every minute of every day. I don't plan to ever stop growing and learning. Who I am today is not all I am or ever hope to be. I've never been a "This is who I am–deal with it" kind of person. I want to be changed by the Scriptures sent to me by my mentor, by the experiences I have with my family, by the sweet game of Checkers with my husband, who grew up in a big game-playing family but taught me so gently. I learn so much by just watching my own daughters grow into the wonderful women they are becoming. I want them to see a mom who continues to grow and improve and gain strength and change throughout their entire lives.  We can all be open to change when we allow God in to move. Like a game of Checkers, God simply started moving pieces of my life around until I said, "Oh, I get it! This is where you want me to move." 

I have done a lot of new things in the past five years, and I wonder what the next five will hold. I have a lot of passion for change and an excitement to move forward that only God could have planted. Does it make sense? Not really. I look at my medical report and my limitations and then I look at God and I say, I can do all things. I look at my circle 5 years ago and now today and say, nope. This doesn't make sense either, but You love me. Change doesn't always feel good, make sense, or yield what we think we want out of it. But when we ask God to help us with what we need, His results will give us His best. This will not just require a lot of courage, but also our faith and our ability to see past our own limited sight. 

Giant Slaying Mode

 The advantages of getting older keep making themselves known to me. Yes, I said "advantages"! One of them is being able to look back on situations and see how much I've learned or grown through something that once nearly destroyed me in some way. Growth is painful most of the time, that's for sure. In speaking with a new-ish 84-year-old friend about life in general, she revealed to me that each time she went through something painful, she chose to become stronger. We have to make a choice. When life circumstances try to beat us or take us down, we can go down with them or we can fight and become stronger. Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through him who gives me strength. 

Norm Sawyer, a dear friend of mine, writes in his new book, Discipline is Freedom, "Disciplined people are not special, they are people who failed many times in the different endeavors of life but kept getting up until the failures became less frequent....Disciplined people have fought their giants over and over again until the giants were defeated and bound with the same chains they used to keep the undisciplined effective." I highly recommend Norm's new book, for which I have written the foreword. It can be found on his website at Sirnorm.com or on Amazon.com. I like that statement, "disciplined people are not special," because I think sometimes saying so becomes a cop-out for others. "Oh, yeah, that Norm...he's only fit and healthy because..." and then the excuses start. No, Norm came back from near death by the grace of God, and by the choices he decided to make to get healthy and committed to fitness. Those were not easy changes at all!  We cannot look at disciplined people as though they are "special" or "favored" by God or anything else. They put in the time, the effort, and the work. And yes, the prayer. Making excuses will only keep us from changing or living our own best life. 

Discipline was the featured letter "D" I wrote about way back when I was writing my alphabet blog series, if you were following back then. It's truly at the heart of any positive transformation in our lives. It starts with a commitment to keep choosing the right things over the things that are holding us hostage. It's a daily repetition of behaviors that lead us to success in any area of our lives. We want better, we have to do better over and over. No one is going to do it for us. Not a pill, not a magic formula, and certainly not wishing and hoping. Wouldn't it just be easier though? But again, if it was, we wouldn't come out of it stronger, and we'd probably eventually go back to the same behaviors that got us in the mess in the first place. 

So why is it such a pain to be disciplined about some things? Because we all want "it" now, I think is the simple answer. Immediate gratification has been pounded into our brains at every turn, and we buy into it, whether subconsciously or not. Weight loss?...don't get me started. Hungry?...fast food. I could go on with all the promises of easy fixes out there, but I'm sure you get the idea. We are hard-wired to want fast and pleasurable things (french fries) and we want to avoid difficult feelings (exercise) as human beings. Because of that, we find self-control very challenging. But it's not impossible and we don't have to give in to the lure of laziness. 

Both of the friends I mentioned suffered near life-ending health crises. It was a combination of God's intervention and a commitment of personal discipline that led them both back to health. Both of them could run circles around me! Now, I have certain limitations, but still! One is just into the 70's and one is near the mid-80's. I listen to them, because they have the wisdom I want, and they have the results that speak!  Job 32:7  I thought, 'Age should speak; advanced years should teach wisdom.' They are who I want to be when I "grow up."

Am I disciplined? In some things, yes, very much so. But I have had to start, restart, and start again certain disciplines over and over, and maybe you are in the middle of that cycle as well. It's not easy to make changes, even if they are the best thing for your mind, body, and health. Giving up is a cop-out, it feels terrible, and we do it anyway, but the important thing is (As Norm says) we keep getting up until we break those chains that keep holding us hostage. What is it that we need to do differently? Get God in on it. Write down a plan and conquer it. With prayer, with purpose, with determination, with strength, with commitment, with practice, and with discipline. Kick that giant out for good! 

I made my plan this week, and I'm in giant-slaying mode until I succeed. As I said, an advantage to growing older is that we hopefully learn from our mistakes. We can see where we've either stagnated, learned, have more to learn, or have grown and have the ability to share knowledge. We should be motivated by the desire to share what we learn, as my older friends do. We should aspire to be an example to our future generations coming up. But most of all, we should be motivated by a desire to live the best life we know we should be living for ourselves and for others who love us. We should not be intimidated by what we don't know yet, or by our failures and lessons yet unlearned. We should be gentle with ourselves and tough on the issues we face. Nehemiah 8:10 for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

Life is a process of absorbing and facing experiences as they come and I know that God's timing is so much better than mine. One thing I have learned is that even while I think there are so many things I have messed up or missed, God is showing me that in many ways my life with all of its letdowns and lessons is just beginning. If we are willing to do life with God, He will show us His best way to go about things. We just have to put in the time, the energy, and the heart that His discipline requires of us. 

Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. 

Isaiah 46:4 

Family Matters

 Be who you are and say what you feel, 

because those who mind don't matter 

and those who matter don't mind. 

–Dr. Seuss

I'm back! At least for now. We were so thankful for our oldest daughter's wedding and all of the family that came and shared their love and support with them (it was a "family only" wedding, so not too large). We became one big family with our daughter's in-laws and our new son-in-law, who we already loved, appreciated, and adopted as our "son" long before the wedding day. We are grateful that our daughter entered into a family that truly loves and appreciates her as the special person she is. It's all we ever prayed for when asking God to bless her with the right husband and family to support her one day. They are a very sweet couple! Serena loves her new "brother" and has embraced him into our family as well. This is what we hoped for. Angel still barks at him when he walks through the door, but he still loves (and tolerates) her anyway. Jesse's parents and brother spent Thanksgiving with us last year, and we are looking forward to more family gatherings with them! Their very large family has embraced Natalie as one of their own, as ours has Jesse! 

My sister has been through some pretty serious medical issues, as has my brother, who nearly left us on mother's day this year, leaving them both with some physical limitations. We have learned through loss and serious illness not to take each other for granted. Not only were both of them present, but my sister showed up to decorate, fixed some dress issues Natalie was having, and came to help clean up the day after the wedding. We are a small family with compromised health and very limited resources (a lot of widows and very few men), but one thing I have learned is that when someone needs something, we manage to pull it together for each other. My aunt was also recently hospitalized, but was also there helping to decorate. She is the "Lucy" to my mom's "Ethel" and they always laugh non-stop when they get together. My cousin showed up to help decorate, and took pictures all throughout the wedding and reception, and I'm so glad she did, because I was so stretched from running all around that I didn't have time to take any! I know someone was praying for me, as my usual chronic condition was giving me a break, enabling me to do all I needed to do for the wedding preparations. Praise God. 

I say all of this because all that the newlyweds noticed is that everything was exactly as they imagined it. They were surrounded by people who loved them and they could finally relax and enjoy this anticipated day. 

I opened with the quote above because in my family, we've been through some "stuff". We've all said things to each other that weren't so cool. We've done things, been through things, said stuff, did stuff, you get the idea... But even through all of the muck and mire, it has never stopped us from holding each other up and showing up for each other. We may not always function properly, but when it comes to love, we know how to show it and be there for each other and for that I am grateful. In the end, we matter to each other. When someone matters to you, you want to show up for them in the best way you can. 

Family can be a complicated thing, can't it? You have so much and so little in common. You can offer so much, but you can either withhold or overload. It's a plethora of wisdom, knowledge, help, companionship, yet so many within seem to sit without. It's a strange dichotomy of love and avoidance. The people who matter don't mind, but the people who mind don't matter. 

Many of you reading this have not felt like you've been accepted into a family or been understood by people the way you want or need to be. It's true that some people just get overlooked for no good reason. I have found the reason sometimes is that we need to seek the Lord for His security and not try to go looking for it in people, no matter who those people may be. If it's your own family, your spouse's family, your friendships, your coworkers, I know, I get it....sometimes you just feel like you're the square peg everywhere. I assure you, you are not. 

I've spent too long trying to fit my square into the roundness of others, and believe me, it's a losing battle! Instead, I have to go to God and say, "Work this out in me, because I can't go on like this. I can't define it, I can't live it, I can't put it into words, and I don't want to be it anymore. I'm tired of it." So let God have it, and ask God to protect you from the snares that it leads to, because when we look for approval and love or acceptance from others, we will also find our rejection and our wounds there. 

We all take each other for granted. Maybe in different ways, maybe we're all to blame. But to appreciate, one person has to go toward and the other has to respond. And if not, may we learn how to forgive and move on. 

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans. 

Psalm 118:8 

If You're Reading This...

 If you're reading this....

This will be my last post, at least for awhile. I will still be writing, but not for weekly posting. I am burned out. I notice as I sit and write, I am surrounded by my untouched craft supplies, and my shelves and shelves of unread books. Books that I have been longing to curl up in a corner with and lose myself in. I miss creating in my glue books, scrapbooks, and collage art books. I have spent the last 7 months planning a wedding, and fighting the illness in my body that thrives off stress. Writing has not been the release nor the balm it used to be. It became a job and part of the stress, once I made it something I "had to do" and put pressure on myself to change the way I was doing it. Lately, I have sensed that what drew me to writing is something that I have missed and need to revisit. 

In the very beginning, I treated this blog like a daily journal, sharing my family moments and my own revelations as I grew and learned about things and people around me. As the world has changed, I have felt more of a responsibility to bring something of more substance and less "fluff" and family, but to be honest, when I want to feel better about this world, I need to share my fluff–which to me is what keeps my joy alive. I don't know that I have been that source anymore. I've become more aware and I've grown more spiritually. Maybe I just need to find a better balance of the two. This time will help me figure that out. 

I ordered three new books yesterday. Mind you, I have piles of books to get through! But after this wedding, I have plans to enjoy the silence in my mind and allow others to speak to me gently with their created words. I'm tired of my own. One of the books I ordered is True Faced: Trust God and Others with Who You Really Are, By Bruce McNicol, John S. Lynch, and Bill Thrall and another is by Lysa Terkeurst called Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are. I'm sensing a theme...At my age, I know who I am. I'm just not sure if I've always been willing to share it. Experience tells me that being true to myself means losing others. Being true to others means losing myself. All of that tells me that I need to find my tribe. I'm not the only one who has said that to me.

I also enjoy good fiction and autobiographies, and I have a few of those "queued up" as well. Both Natalie and Serena have given me good suggestions, and our last enjoyable book  browse together in a Chronicles of Narnia themed bookshop had me thinking of even more titles to ponder. They still haven't reached out about my request to carry our book, so maybe they're just not interested. The state of mind I've been in says to just breathe and let it be. I'm tired of carrying so many things. 

We have some very ill family members, which requires us to dig deeper into our faith. When doing so, I find I need to feed my soul with things that help me relax and are less likely to add more stress to my life. I've taken more nature rides/walks, for one, and turned my phone off when I need some quiet time. The wedding is right around the corner and I've spent the last week sick. What that tells me is I have more to do in the way of relaxation in my mind and spirit. Because of those ill family members, we also have more physical things we need to be doing for them. Life is just a lot of things at once sometimes. Nothing takes its turn. Nothing is going to slow down for me, so I need to be the one to slow down.

A prayer card on my desk reminds me, The Lord is near to all who call on Him. Psalm 145:18 I'm calling non-stop, even if it doesn't seem like I'm getting an answer. Most days it feels like God's line is busy. I'm sure it's my fault, but I'm learning to give myself grace, believe it or not. 

If writing and sharing here becomes my happy place again, I will return. If you're reading this, thank you. 

That Viral Thing

"Cool things happen all day long and nobody knows about them." -Jami 

 

I said the above just the other day, when tiring of the word, "viral" being seen and over on my YouTube feed. From "run out and get this NOW" products to slogging some new goop either down my throat or on my face for "instant results"! Why do people get so caught up on collecting and running after "viral" things on social media platforms? Why is someone always trying to make things "go viral"?  (Easy answer: clicks = cash) Am I going to miss out if I don't buy the latest xxx that everyone is wearing/using? (short answer: NO) Maybe it's the loner or possibly the obliviousness in me, but I like what I like, and I don't really give much thought to what others are wearing and doing. After partially watching a video where a content creator was furiously shopping all over looking for a certain item that all of the TikTokers were showing, I shut it off, and I said out loud, "Cool things happen all day long and you're missing out on them!" Is it just the thrill of the hunt? Why collect a bunch of stuff just for the sake of collecting what other people TELL you is the hot thing you must have because everyone has it? Maybe this is a sign that I'm just too old, I don't know, but I think it's a sign that some of us need to find better things to chase. There are some of us who can easily turn away from the influence of others, but some people are easily influenced by people, products, and lots of other things. We do need to be mindful of who and what we are following. It's easy to get caught up in a smooth-tongued YouTuber who seems to "have it all," but things aren't always what they seem, and it's really important to know that! Proverbs 11:28 Those who trust in their riches will fall, but the righteous will thrive like a green leaf.

What are you willing to let your heart and mind go "viral" for? Which influencer are you following in order to have your needs fulfilled? And why is God the only One? Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 

I thought about it even more as I took my daily pickle picking walk out to the garden with my sweet 4-legged best friend. She teaches me to stop and sniff a little longer, if you will. I followed the latest robin who's been feeding its young somewhere close by. I finally discovered the nest high up in the maple tree near the barn. While checking the pear tree out in the orchard, I discovered a tiny bird's nest. After the first of our blueberry crop was savagely devoured by some unknown four legged or winged bandits, I was able to snatch a few ripe berries to hide away for later. We have rogue potatoes and onions growing in the compost pile, and the other day I happened upon a tiny fawn who just caught me staring at it, and studied Angel and I ever so cautiously. To me, these are very cool things to find. These are the things worthy of reporting and telling people to go out and grab! They're in your backyard, your neighborhood, and even in the cities. These are the things that won't leave you or your wallets empty after you've had your fill of them. Nature is God-created, free, and ours for the taking if we want to stop and take it in. Job 12:10 In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.

As much as some may chase the "things" of the world in order to be as "happy" as the person online appears to be once they find the coveted item, we know deep down that things won't truly satisfy a person. When everyone wants the same coveted item, it suddenly becomes hard to find and more desired. I came across a dollar store channel on YouTube that is still trying to find some viral product, and has been all over the country looking for it and still can't find it. Friends, it's a sanitizer. A hand sanitizer. That's all it is and that's all it does. Apparently it looks like a copy of an expensive brand name one, so it is highly sought after.  Suddenly it has gained importance because it can't be found. Now that everyone wants it, people are saying that the clerks are "hiding it" behind the counter when it comes in, and customers are "buying whole boxes" in order to sell it at a higher price online. Did I mention that it's just a hand sanitizer at a dollar store? Next week I'll probably hear about how terrible sanitizer is and how everyone should ban it. (Social media is a wild place)The focus becomes getting the hot item and how they will feel once they get their hands on it and tell everyone, but what happens once they get home with it? Are they happy or do they just move on to the next viral thing? That's the problem. It's a never-ending, soul-sucking habit that doesn't satisfy the deepest longings in us as human beings. Only God can satisfy our cravings, and we can ask Him to remove those desires we have for everything and replace them with a desire to be content. 

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Philippians 4:10-12

Is anyone out there old enough to remember the whole cabbage patch doll fiasco in the 80's? The beanie babies of the 90's? It was like the wild, wild west in those days. Ladies slapping ladies over baby dolls, my goodness! I had a knockoff cabbage patch doll made by some sweet lady my mom knew. Never cared for the beanies. What I'm noticing since 2020 is the stores putting out their holiday merchandise 2-3 months before the holiday season, and people filling up their carts earlier and earlier with those items. Because I plan a lot of parties for family members, I've noticed if I'm doing a theme party, I have to purchase those items well in advance of a season or I won't find them at all. For example, shopping for a summer themed party in March to make sure those items aren't gone by May, and they usually are very picked over by then. People are shopping in a frenzy, which doesn't seem to go along with the "failing economy" narrative I'm also hearing constantly. People should watch the consumption on YouTube, and be shocked at all the boosting of economies going on. It's a free-for-all, and not slowing down any time soon. There is a viral tendency out there, for sure. It's a virus in our minds to believe we have to have everything and we have to have it now or we'll miss it. That is a flat out lie, and planning a wedding has had me falling for it left and right. This virus runs deeper than we realize. 1 John 2:16 For everything in the world–the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life–comes not from the Father but from the world. 

  Retailers don't think it's a problem when they continue to sell out of viral products. They've even created "as seen on TV" or "Viral on Tik Tok" products in their stores. No shade to influencers, but I don't need people to tell me what to buy, and I certainly won't pay them to do it, especially when I know they don't even use it.  It's great for the retailers, but becomes a thorn for shoppers who just want to find the thing they actually need, and don't want to pay an inflated price for it online somewhere. The $1.25 sanitizer I mentioned? You can find it on different online markets for $25.00, being sold by individuals who are trying to make a buck off the fact that they have the viral product someone is desperate to own. It's insane, and this type of greed and overconsumption just ruins it for everyone, even if they don't realize it yet. Hebrews 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Satisfaction won't come with owning that thing or any other thing until you're at peace with what you already have and are satisfied that you already have everything you need and trust God with all that you still desire. 

 Same with nature–if you abuse it or try to take too much of it for yourself, you will ruin it for yourself and others. We used to love going to a certain northern city, but because it has become so overrun with tourists and traffic, it's no longer the quiet beach town we once loved many years ago as a young couple. It seems that once too many people "discover" a hideaway type place, it becomes a place to avoid. Gone are the days of finding special places or deciding to go camping on a whim. Since 2020, many campgrounds now require many months if not a year's ahead reservation due to overcrowding. Places we once went to because they were small and "untraveled" are now overrun with people. Even our favorite dark sky park went commercial due to its boom in popularity and we haven't been back since. We could no longer access the quiet beach area where we first watched the meteor showers for the first time. In its place is a large brick building that holds lectures and classes. I'm all for progress and growth in certain places, but it seems it also comes with the loss of the ability to explore quiet, untouched and natural areas. This is my opinion, of course. It comes with my influence and experience of living surrounded by trees and nature. We may not have a Great Lake in our backyard to watch a meteor shower beside, but we have a pool and our own dark sky right above our land. We already have what we need and everything we want when we are content with what we've already been given. May that be the "thing" that goes viral in all of our hearts. 

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you. 

2 Thessalonians 3:16 

What is Essential?

 A plaque in the office of minister, TV host, and author Fred Rogers read, "What is essential is invisible to the eye." It is a line from the children's book, The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint-Exupery. The complete line reads, "It is only in the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye." 

To really dig into this concept, I looked up the word, essential. Merriam Webster's version says, "of the utmost importance, something basic, something necessary, indispensable, or unavoidable." Interesting. 

Knowing the kind of person Fred Rogers was, I would imagine his "essential" was the Lord Himself. Good choice. The only choice, in my opinion. When God is "of the utmost importance" or Someone deemed "necessary, indispensable, or unavoidable" in our lives, He becomes the Source of everything that flows from our lives. Proverbs 3:6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. God is essential, yet invisible to our eyes. 1 Timothy 1:17 Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen. If I'm putting my faith in gaining wealth, material things, fitness, or any other worldly thing, it will be short-lived. None of those things are bad things, per se, but to me they are not essential. My faith doesn't belong on them. They are important, sure, but I can live without them. Psalm 49:16-17 Do not be overawed when a man grows rich, when the splendor of his house increases; for he will take nothing with him when he dies, his splendor will not descend with him.  "You can't take it with you" is so true. What I can't live without is a personal relationship with the Lord, and His promise of eternal life in heaven. John 17:3 Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. 

The rest of the quote from The Little Prince refers to the qualities of people that are often invisible to the human eye, but felt by the heart. Compassion, empathy, understanding, love, as well as emotional pain. Sometimes we judge with our eyes or what we've been told in our ears by someone else's judgment, and we forget how much that can hurt someone else. We may also forget how much that hurts our own hearts and how much it hurts God. Psalm 103:13-14 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. If we remember that the Lord is here but invisible, perhaps it would be helpful to remember the feelings of others in the same way. I love the THINK acronym (True Helpful Inspiring Necessary Kind) to help me to remember this. Lord, please help me to remember that! 

We waste a lot of time buying up things we think are essential to fill voids left by people or our own sadness. We fill up our homes with things we think will make us happier. We fill up our basements with "essentials," just in case the world goes cuckoo nutso. We worry we won't have enough. We fret because there is seemingly no one good left to trust and the world feels like it's falling apart. We worry about broken things, the kids, things we can't control, jobs, illnesses, and everything in between. We find things to worry about when there's nothing to worry about. I know some of these are valid concerns, but I also believe more in how powerful and merciful our God is. Psalm 68:19 Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. It's not always easy to see evidence of a torrential downpour and believe in the coming rainbow, but that's exactly what faith enables us to do. That's exactly what God provides for us. Philippians 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. He won't just meet some of our needs, but all of them. Why would He do that? Because He loves us. It's that simple. Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. He died for us even while we were still messing up, meets our needs, and daily carries our burdens. Only a Father who loves every part of us would do all of these things. 

  When we trust God for our needs, we no longer have to believe that the things of this world are "essential" and God is just floating around "out there" invisible. God is tangible when we trust Him with every area our lives, not just when things are going our way. He is felt and heard when we know Him. When we trust God instead of people–especially people in high places–we can know that we've put our faith in the One who knows us best and knows what is best for us.  Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. 

People may judge us for the missteps we make in life and even in our faith journeys, but God understands us, and even my childhood TV mentor and pastor, Fred Rogers placed a plaque in his office to keep his mind on "what is essential." We have all made mistakes and poor choices in life, but it's never too late to pick a new path and it's never to late to trust the Lord with our lives. The state of the world should give us all something to think about when choosing who or what to put our faith in. People and things will fail us, but God will not. 

Our faith becomes stronger the more we place our focus on God. Peter found this out when he stepped out of the boat toward Jesus, became afraid, looked away from Him, and then began to sink. We can't take our eyes off of Him, no matter what kind of storm we seem to be walking through or what the world looks like right now. For me, every day with God is essential and I can tell when I haven't listened to or talked to Him enough. I will be keeping my eyes on Him! 

Skilled At War

 Never make the mistake of assuming 

the person of peace is 

unskilled at war. 

The Full Armor of God

Ephesians 6:10-18 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord's people. 

What does it mean and how do we use it? 

Belt of Truth- Satan is a liar, and he fights with lies. He is cunning and sometimes he can make a lie seem true. God's Truth defeats Satan's lies!

Breastplate of Righteousness- Protects our hearts and assures us of God's love and approval of us, defeating the attacks of Satan on our trust, emotions, and self-worth. He goes for the heart, but God is the keeper of our hearts. We must protect it. 

Feet of readiness- To motivate us to tell others of the true peace that is available when we trust the Lord, even when Satan tries to convince us that it's too hard or too big of a job and that it's a hopeless, negative task. We must stay in peace even when we feel shaky, because we know God is peace. 

Shield of Faith- This is our faith that protects our hearts from Satan's attacks with temptations, setbacks, and insults. When we see with God's perspective, we see beyond our circumstances and know we will have ultimate victory when we stay with God. 

Helmet of Salvation- Satan wants us to doubt everything-God, Jesus, and even our own salvation. But when we protect our mind from doubting the Lord, His saving promises continue to keep us focused on eternity.

Sword of the Spirit-We can always trust the Word of God. We can always trust in the truth of what it says. It is always our first defense against Satan's attacks. We simply say, "Here's what God says about that," and the devil flees. 

I know this felt a little like Sunday School or Wednesday Night Church today, but I've had to keep my armor on lately, and a good brush-up of why we need to do that is always important. The world and people are not getting any easier, and it's getting more and more difficult some days to keep our eyes on God, but that's exactly what we need to do. Stay focused, and stay geared up for the attacks that are sure to come when we claim to be on God's side. My armor is polished up and pink. We've got this! 

Blessings! 

Be Good to Yourself, Always

 I have learned recently that I have not treated myself very well. I have used a self-damaging combination of shame, blame, guilt, the perceived and spoken judgments of others, and other toxic behaviors and have worn myself down in my spiritual, physical, and mental health. I now have a personal responsibility to build myself back up in all of those areas. It is not an easy climb back up, and I'm still not there. One thing I have come away with is that not only will I stop hurting myself, I will not allow others to do it either. When I opened the book recently recommended to me and saw the words, "it's great to have at least some part of your life where you feel like a hammer instead of a nail," I knew this was a book that could speak to what I need right now. I am getting really tired of feeling beaten down and tearing myself down. I am not finding the energy for things I enjoy, and I'm just going through the motions of life. I have a fake face, facade of sorts, and a fake happy persona to get me through, but I'm not feeling or behaving in a way that reflects my genuine self. 

I share my struggle because I'm not one of those Christians that is going to feel guilty about the way I feel. Just because I know the Lord, it does not exempt me from getting a cold, a chronic illness, or a change in my mental health. God blesses us, yes. But He also allows battles to fight and there is suffering in every person because we don't live in a perfect world, regardless of being Christians or not.1 Peter 5:10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. God doesn't love me any less or any more because I'm struggling with areas in my life. What I've come to learn is that I have things to learn, and I have a path to walk, and I may not always understand the things I come across on that path, but God is always with me and I'm willing to go on that walk with Him. Our life doesn't have to make sense to everyone else. Sometimes it doesn't even make sense to us. Psalm 61:2 From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. 

We all have individual experiences, and we are certainly very different people. What works for one may not work for another, but thank God we have God, and many types of resources and helpers He provides for all kinds of personalities and people. Some of us need a gently delivered message, and some need a reality check, and what I needed was someone who could tell that I wasn't honoring myself, and the last thing I need to hear was that my pain was all my fault. I was blaming myself for everything and wondering why I felt like I didn't matter to anyone. When we are heard, we are better able to take any accountability that may be there, because we can objectively tell our story without any judgment. James 4:12 There is only one lawyer and judge, he who is able to save and destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?

We carry with us our own perceptions of things, others, and ourselves long before anyone says a word to us. We can only see things from the standpoint of our own biases, opinions, and experiences. That can be a problem when we see or hear something we can't relate to. We see people struggling and acting in a way that is uncomfortable for us to handle, and instead of reaching out, we give judgment. I've received that judgment. I've been labeled and left out. It's been decided who I am and why I do what I do without even a conversation with me. I can't do anything about what other people think, nor do I always need to consider it. I'm grateful for the help I receive from people who SEE ME, and understand that there is more to me than just the surface. Most of us carry a lot more than what we show on the outside. It is good to consider everyone with this thought, and know that God sees and knows us completely, regardless of what people think they know and see. Compassion and understanding go a long way when truly giving our support to others, even when we don't quite "get" what they're going through just yet. Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 

I've started using the practices in the book that was recommended to me called Just One Thing, by Rick Hanson. The book presents a practice in each chapter that enables me to choose a specific area I need to work on and then focus on putting the action into place. It is a very down to earth, yet profound book, I have discovered so far. As I read through the first chapter, "Be good to yourself," I discovered that each chapter has a "How" section at the end. I have realized that this has always been my question with any advice ever given me. Great advice, I always think, but....how?? Great scripture, thanks. But...how?? Right now, I really need the "how." I have found that when I have specific and practical things to do that bring a benefit, even a gradual one, I will see the outcome in that. Otherwise, I remain a bit lost, especially when I am struggling. 

Sometimes we go through what we go through, to help others go through what we went through. –Kathe Wunnenburg

One practice in the "Be good to yourself" chapter is to ask myself, "Am I on my own side here?" when feeling frustrated, hurt, mistreated, stressed, or irritated, pushed to do something, or if I know there is something I need to do and I'm not doing it. When we are not on our own sides, we don't honor our own feelings, goals, values, or rules, and we can get even more stressed and upset. Asking myself this question gives me the accountability for my own will and also helps me to set better boundaries. Looking out for my own best interests helps me to better look out for the interests of others too. I'm not looking to place blame on others, but to see where I have made concessions in order to please others or allow my boundaries to be blown up in favor of a conflict-free interaction. It reminds me of an old Journey song, "Be good to yourself when...nobody else will..." In this case, always be good to yourself. It's not selfish, self-centered, arrogant, or any of those things someone tried to tell you. God created you. Be good to who God created. Respect yourself, love yourself, and good things will come from your God-given self. 

 I have entered into cognitive therapy in an effort to truly work on this God-given self. Often times when we get to the therapy room, it's because all other efforts have felt or become futile or worn thin. For me, I just need some new tools and a new understanding of how my former coping strategies have not worked for me thus far. It's important to understand that as Christians we can love and trust God, believe the Word of God, have strong faith, and still struggle with OURSELVES. I have no shame in that, nor would I judge anyone else for it. We are all trying to heal on many levels, whether it is from a medical or a mental health issue, and no one ever shames a person for a broken leg, do they? It's okay to limp a little as we learn, but keep praying for God's help and healing! I pray that if anyone reading this is struggling with their mental health that they do not feel alone! Deuteronomy 31:8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. It's okay to reach out for help at any time. 

One thing this book teaches is that when the brain stays in a negative state for too long, the neurons begin to change. So "as we think, we become", is the pattern this book is based upon. This got me motivated, because I really don't want my thoughts to continue to poison the actual neuroplasticity of my brain. Is this how older people become crochety? Yes! We are to renew our minds daily. Whatever it takes to get me back on a positive track is how I will turn this brain train around. Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. 

May God bless you, whatever journey you are on. 

 

My Light

“I will not allow my 

life’s light to be 

determined by 

the darkness

around me.”

Sojourner Truth 

People We Meet

 Despite how open, peaceful, and loving you attempt to be, people can only meet you as deeply as they've met themselves. 

Matt Kahn

Honest Reflections

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely, or unhappy is to go outside...I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles. 

–Anne Frank, The Diary of Anne Frank

I've been struggling. Sometimes I feel so defeated that I just don't enjoy the things that used to make me happy. Ironically, I miss the things that used to bring me joy. I'm just struggling. Sometimes life just deals normal "life" things, but they can drain us of energy, strength, time, joy, peace, and the spirit that makes us feel whole. Mother's day began with a 7am wakeup call alerting me that my brother was taken to the hospital and was on a ventilator, and it wasn't looking good. The next two weeks were a complicated journey for him and an emotional one for our family. He is now recovering, praise the Lord. There is more for him to do here, as I've told him. Our family, like many families, has had its share of difficult times, and as we get older, it seems to get harder. 

Part of getting older is that these urgent crises just seem to come too close together and there isn't time to even recover between them. Just when you think one thing is "over," another begins. Maybe that describes life in a sentence for some, but I haven't always lived that way–waiting for the other shoe to drop. Since 2020, I've been in a hypervigilant state, more concerned about everything. More worried, less joyful, and more alone than I've ever felt in my life. My life has changed and I'm not sure I've embraced all the changes.

I share this because even though I talk to less than 7 people on the regular, I know I can't be the only one who feels this way. Many people feel and are isolated. Maybe it's due to the fallout they experienced since the world changed so drastically, or maybe their own world changed drastically and nothing feels right, including themselves. 

As a believer in Christ, I often feel guilty that I feel weak or unsure or fearful, as I urge everyone else to lean on the Lord for strength and ability. But the truth is, it is sometimes easier to help others than it is to see what we need ourselves. Sometimes the encourager needs to be encouraged and the helper needs to be helped. Sometimes the one who seems the strongest is the one who's just been holding on really tight, trying not to break. 

I have gotten better at voicing where I'm at with my mental health, and sometimes we need to let others know the truth about that so they can try to understand.  People aren't mind readers. People also aren't our personal counselors. If a professional counselor is what we need, that is a perfectly smart and healthy resource to call upon. It helps to have an objective person to sort things out, and sometimes problems aren't as bad as we imagine them to be when understood  by someone who can put them in perspective. 

It's okay to not feel like we have it all together all the time and to not know the answers, even when we know Who has the answer. Knowing and living faith are two different things, and getting on the working path can take some time. I know this, and I also know that struggles are necessary for growth, so what I'm going through will produce something purposeful at some point. It just doesn't feel great at this moment. Romans 5:3-5 We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. 

I think it's important that while we should share our struggles with someone who truly cares for us, it is also important to take care of ourselves. Having even one trusted person to share our thoughts and hearts with will help us stay connected to someone who genuinely has our best interest at heart. Galatians 6:2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. I stress "truly cares" and "genuinely," because we really have to make sure that we don't turn to people we don't trust or who aren't invested listeners or to put it bluntly, "don't have a clue." It can cause more pain to trust in unreliable people, especially when our feelings are open wounds at times. 

It can become a vicious cycle when we are hurting to just keep getting hurt over and over. That's a pretty good sign that there is some work to be done inside, and we are not alone in this struggle, even if it feels that way at the time. I think there is a whole lot more to say on this topic, but I will leave it there for now. 

Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it. Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy. Psalms 96:11-12 

One thing that helps me when I get into one of those cycles is to get myself outside. It has always been my go-to for a healing experience, and continues to help me re-focus. Nature is God's way of comforting us. Go outside, take off your shoes, and sit with the sun on your face for just a little while. Let the birds sing you back into harmony, and take some deep breaths. Watch some clouds, feel the breeze on your face. If I had it my way, I'd live much closer to a Great Lake so I could get to the waves and the sunset every single day. That is where I feel completely free and unburdened. We all have a place that helps us heal. Let God heal you with His creation. Breathe it in! 

One breath prayer I learned is:

(Inhale) Wherever I go, Lord,

(Exhale) You are there.

Keep repeating the prayer as you breathe in and out. ( from Charles Stanley's Field Guide to God's Presence) As you breathe in and out, focus your heart and mind on Jesus and hear what He has to say to you.

Other physical ways to take care of ourselves are to make sure we are eating healthy foods, drinking plenty of water, getting adequate sleep, and getting some form of exercise. Do something we love at least once a day, whether it is reading a book, engaging in a favorite sport or hobby, or just going for a drive. My golf cart is my favorite thing right now, with my speaker in the back, playing my favorite songs while I tool around in the woods with my sweet dog, Angel. 

Keeping a gratitude journal helps us to stay focused on what we are thankful for. I start with basic things such as a roof over my head and fresh water to drink. People in many countries would love what we seem to take for granted. When we are thankful, we will find that there is much more good than bad going on, and we can feel stronger just knowing that. Just thanking the Lord for being present for every trouble is a daily gratitude we can share. I'm not a "cotton candy positive" kind of person, but I do feel that looking for the blessing in every messy situation has helped me to recover faster than I have in the past. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 

When we engage in self-care, sometimes we feel guilty or selfish, but we need to view it as a way to become our best selves. When we fill our own cups, we have more to give to others. An unhappy, exhausted individual is of no service to anyone else. I find that the reason I am struggling is because I have neglected all of the things that make me feel centered and normal, and I am now trying to pour from an empty cup. It makes me kind of bristly and tired and negative. Not fun! 

We can blame things on menopause, the economy, the weather, or whatever we want, but we're still responsible for how we care for others, and it does start with how well we're taking care of ourselves. My friend recently told me to learn the word, "NO," and I think in some circumstances, that is life-changing for those who don't set boundaries and find themselves miserable and overextended. I definitely think setting boundaries is another form of self-care we don't think about enough. That's another blog in itself. 

I wasn't going to write at all this month, as I'm overly busy and have gotten myself stuck in a bit of a flight, fight, and freeze state at times with the overwhelming things ahead. I find that if I write, it helps, so I hope something I've said here helps you as well. My encouragement to myself and to others is that "this too shall pass". I am strong, because the Lord is with me, and whatever comes my way, He will fight it ahead of me. My feelings are temporary and do not indicate truth or permanence. Blessings to you! 

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. 

Deuteronomy 31:8