If You Feel It, Feel It!

I learn a lot from my daughters. Today was another lesson from my 12 year old. Serena is an aspiring writer, and has been writing for as long as she could hold a pencil. I know I'm her mom, but she really does have talent. She has a mature voice not common for her age. She uses details and emotions that floor me. Her english teacher has been out for over a month, as her husband passed away unexpectedly. At Serena's graduation, this teacher sought me out and returned a binder full of story ideas that Serena had given her to critique. Apparently she has had this binder for most of the year. I wasn't aware that she had given it to her at all. I didn't read any of the critiques until Serena had a chance to read them herself. She "smiley-faced" many of her clever lines and story ideas, and added a wonderful uplifting letter. Apparently having Serena's binder helped her to escape some of the heavy sadness she has been carrying since her husband's death. But that's not why I learned a lesson, although there is one there as well. I was recently hurt by a shallow comment I heard, given flippantly to me, while I was feeling a deep loss. I thought to myself, "How can someone be so shallow?" I tried not to judge the comment, but you know, whether you judge or not doesn't stop the sting of a careless word. I've said careless words myself. I know both ends of that spectrum. It's like the time Serena told a friend that her aging dog was very slow and feeble, and her friend said flippantly, "why don't you just have her put down?" as if it was saying, "what kind of cereal do you want?" See, Serena and I are of the sensitive kind. We take things to heart. The one we sometimes wear on our sleeves! We feel things deeply, and sometimes longer than others feel them. We tend to romanticize a bit more about certain things. We have vivid imaginations. We love to create stories impulsively. We get our feelings hurt faster than the other two in this house! We forgive slower. We maybe even love a bit harder than most because when we love, we really mean it! When someone is hurting, we really feel it! We put their shoes on and try to walk in them. So when we express a feeling and someone dismisses it or doesn't get it, yeah, it stings. Truly, thank God we have each other! I used to think that being sensitive was a handicap. I used to downplay my feelings so no one knew I had them. All that did was make me angry. Serena went through a time of anger as well, trying to hold it all in and hold it together. Trying not to let people bother her. Try as we may, it bothers! I now see our shared sensitivity as a gift. Where others sometimes go through life with a more non-chalant, carefree spirit, we're being used to help each other and other sensitive spirits. There's also a fine line between sensitive and over-sensitive, and we walk that sometimes. The benefit is that we recognize it in others and know how best to respond to respect the way they feel. It's really all people want! To be understood or at least a showing that even though you don't feel that way or you've maybe never felt that way, that you care that they do. So what's the lesson? Serena reminded me that all good writers are probably emotional rollercoasters! How else could they write so much about so many feelings and situations? They can relate to all kinds of people because of their sensitivity! Yes, my daughter, the writer, you are right again!