Open Your Mind, Insert Compassion

How people choose to hear you or the way they see you has little to do with you. They can only see you from their own level of perception, which is colored by their own experiences, where they are in their lives, or choices they are making now or have made in the past. They can also be colored by so many other facets, such as political standing, religion or lack thereof, family status, upbringing, age, etc...

Sometimes we take the opinions of others too seriously, especially if we are discussing something important to us, and someone takes it out of context, or downplays a feeling we express. Sometimes it is really hard to remember that people don't always understand your point of view because maybe they haven't been in your situation before, and so their opinion may not really be appropriate to share. For example, maybe if you've never had estranged family members, alcoholic family members,  messily divorced family members, or other very difficult and confusing family situations, perhaps you shouldn't judge those harshly who have had all of those situations.  In this case, being a supportive listener with compassion is always the right answer. That's my opinion, based on someone who has experienced those situations from childhood on.

But to the one it hurts, we have to remember that opinions are often thrown out there for a couple of reasons. We either want to be heard, or we want to be right. Maybe we even want to stick up for ourselves. It depends on the situation. I've engaged in some pretty heavy, controversial discussions that actually went nowhere because it became a battle of closed ears and loud opinions. No one wanted to hear reason. They just wanted to be heard and to be right. It became useless, feelings were hurt, and the timing could not have been worse. And at the bottom of it all, what I could hear was the backstory talking. There were reasons why the minds were closed, and so it became time to stop talking and just listen.

Closed minds are rooted in fear. They are often defense mechanisms to protect someone or
something, or to hold on to old thoughts, whether they belong to you or to someone else. Sometimes I am shocked that whole families believe a certain way about a certain thing, because in my family, our minds are all over the place. We all think so differently, but yet we allow each other our differences of opinion. It's very freeing to have your own opinions and not be cemented by someone else's belief patterns. My dad and I had a discussion about politics last November, and while I know where he stood politically, I enjoyed our discussions because he was intelligent and willing to listen to my "purple" point of view. As an Independent, I brought new things to his table. He didn't argue for the right to be right. While I joke about those who thought he was a know it all, I am proud of how smart he was, and I think if someone called me a know it all, I would be okay with that. Besides, it's just an opinion, colored by perception. I certainly don't know it all, but I am a "seeker of knowledge", and I like to trade knowledge with other "seekers". Call me a nerd. I don't care. I love to learn. I get that from my dad.

Closed minds have lots of opinions, and few facts. They make lots of bold statements, but don't back them up! They don't like to listen to other points of view and they don't care how many times you try to explain something, they will never change their minds! This is frustrating. I think this is the most fearful bunch of people I know. An open-minded person may not always agree with you, but will at least listen to you and give you the consideration of meeting your mind in the middle. I think to keep your mind open is to be ready to accept knowledge of a situation or person you may not agree with, but are willing to learn more about and try to gain understanding. And of course it's okay to have your core beliefs that you don't budge on! But don't stand with your arms crossed and be unwilling to talk. Who knows...maybe you can get more flies with honey?? I have my core beliefs too. There are things I may never change my mind on, but I will always be willing to listen to you, because I can learn from you and your story.

While I make it a point not to discuss politics, and I don't consider myself a politically-minded person, I have to say this was the most annoying political season ever. The arguing between friends and families around me was borderline bullying. It wasn't a display of conversation, but a battle of wills and an insult to one another's intelligence. It was all rooted in fear. I observed it on a personal level, watched it on a media-controlled level, and just imagined the level of fear that was going on everywhere else. Is this how we were going to get things solved from now on? There were a lot of opinions, a lot of mud-slinging, a lot of disrespect, so much rudeness, so much fear-mongering. Hey wait, this sounds like a really nasty divorce, and we're the kids in the crossfire. This chaos was just a bunch of hot air and no progress, and while everyone likes to point fingers and place blame, I see blame in everyone who participated in all that chaos. Everyone. That's my opinion, colored by my perception of politics. Feel free to correct me. I'm open. (snicker)

I don't know what the answers are on a governmental level. If I did, I would be some kind of miracle worker. But I know on a personal level, what I can do better is be a better listener, not judge when someone is sharing, but put myself in their shoes. Instead of always reaching for my own perception level, reach for theirs.  I think this is the way to a compassionate way of listening and speaking to people, and we could all use a little  more compassion, couldn't we?