Where I Stand

Last week was pretty rough! But it's over. I started feeling better on Friday, better on Saturday, better today on Sunday. Let me tell you why...

I fell apart last Thursday and I won't waste time on that. I'm only bringing it up to make a point. God needed to get my attention. I was letting my fear and anxiety take over my mind and body. I was forgetting my Savior! I forgot what He had done for me already and I started believing the lies...

It was overwhelming! And awful! And it had to get that way for me to say, " wait a second! This isn't right! This isn't what God wants for me at all!" 

I began to stand and declare God's promises to me again. I wrote them down. I didn't just recite my Scripture. I believed it with a passion I hadn't stirred in a long time. I had to get my heart back in line with my head and get back under God's wing where I belonged! Let me tell you, when your body is sick and your mind is a fog storm, this is hard, but with The Holy Spirit in you? It will be done in time. And oh, it got done. 

It was Psalm 91:1 that spoke the loudest to me and gave me the visual I needed to really get what God wanted for me. 

"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed."

As long as I remain, abide, in Christ, I am living in complete trust in Him! I am in The shade of His protection, and as long as I stay there, He is covering me. If I step out on my own, I become anxious and miserable again. I need him!! Of course I can't do this without him. Why did I try? 

I tried to pray for myself, but then I tried to do. I didn't give it to Him. I thought I had to somehow struggle like I do when others come alongside to help too. I tried to row the boat with the anchor in the water and then cried because of the struggle... 

I focused everywhere but where God was pointing! I focused on my illness and not my life and I knew I was doing it and couldn't stop myself. I was upsetting myself over needless things and borrowing trouble and doing all the things Satan would compel any one of God's children to do in order to destroy them. 

And that's what did it! I knew I hadn't been spending enough time in the Word and really not spending time trusting God. I was letting my outward circumstances determine my outcome and forgetting everything I knew about God's plan. I let my pain and fear cloud my knowledge and faith. Fear began to beat my faith and fear was winning. That is beyond scary. We all know who uses fear and lies! 

I realized through some readings I was doing that I also don't need to be disappointed by people, even fellow Christians, who aren't reaching out to me right now. God says I don't need them. I spent a week feeling sorry for myself and God said, "you only need me!" He was right. I found another Scripture (in Isaiah?) about not sharing your affliction with anyone at all, but suffering alone and waiting on God. Well, I'm not alone. But, okay, if he says so. But I'm glad I have support!  I plan to return it every day of my life! But that was another lie I was told all week-"see, not that many people really even care about you!" Like I said, rough week! 

John 10:10

The thief comes only to kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. 

Psalm 107:2

Let the redeemed of The Lord say so, whom he has delivered from the hand of the adversary. 

The Creator of the Universe. The Most High. He scooped me up this week, out of the muck I was in, put me on a solid rock, gave me a hug, and said simply, 

I will never leave you. 

I will never forsake you. 

Hebrews 13:5

And that's where I'm going to stand from now on. Praise God.