B Week

It's been kind of a rough week, ending with me putting my back out yesterday. I'm calling it my "B" week, and because I'd rather not share my whole "book of Job" details, let's just call it "bruises, bee stings, and bad backs"! 

Because I have felt so defeated by this week, I have decided to thumb my unbroken nose at it and change my bad "B"s to "Blessings" instead. 

The blessings hidden in my bruises is that even though I got them while chasing hawks, my nest of swallows on the front porch is still safe. Those hawks have met an old bird even more persistent than them. I have begun laughing at my own antics...

I may be recovering from bee stings, but I got them while floating in my pool for the first time! Praise God I was able to do that without feeling "weird". So I fought bees the whole time. Annoying? Yeah. Painful? Yeah, but....I got in the pool. So there. 

I put my back out, it's true. But I did it doing something I love- trimming shrubs! Apparently I leaned a bit far on the ladder and strained my back. I'm out of shape for sure, and I'm paying for it now, but I was outside doing something physical. It has been months since I've been able to do that! 

While I'm having a few physical hiccups, I am most concerned with my emotional health. I seem to be having some side effects with my medication related to depression, which is quite unsettling to me. I really feel for people struggling with this. It is very real. It strikes very unpredictably and sometimes in ways that make you feel very alone. If I'm being totally honest, only part of it is probably the medication. The rest is dealing with "this". And life...and teens...and people...all while you feel less than your strongest. All while I feel less than my strongest. Very hard to admit. It might be why so many people suffer silently? 

So, you got a little "Job", but the blessing is that I have Steve, my parents, and at least a couple good friends left who still care and it helps keep me afloat. I realize I did not mention my kids. I am learning to manage my expectations. Yes, they are blessings, but I can't depend on them for what I need or it could crush them. I am learning this the hard way. 

Sickness in a family affects every single member! Last year Natalie's surgery affected each one of us and she and Serena really struggled to get along. It was painful to watch. I am in the middle of a different kind of pain now. I need them, but they are going through a very self-oriented time simultaneously. I am trying not to be hurt by it. I am not very successful some days. 

When you become sick, your world becomes small. When people desert you, you feel like your world is ending. It's all a part of the process and I'm learning it slowly, one Job-filled moment at a time. 

But what did Job learn at the end of it all? God never left him. And he kept his faith and he was blessed. 

As I will be. If I can just keep hanging on, bruised, stung, and broken. And know that I know that I know....