Growing Up

I don't often try to force advice or opinions down the ears of my kids or their friends, although they may disagree at times, depending on the topic! Yesterday they were talking about boys and how some of them were just "mean" and called them names and how some of the girls were saying this or that and how sometimes it hurt. I stopped them and I said, "Can I just say a word here? I have a word that will help." They stopped talking and I said my word.

"Maturity. That's the problem, girls. A lack of it. And once these boys and girls and even you attain more, all of these problems will become slightly more manageable! You won't care as much about who thinks what or who does what because you will have grown up past those silly behaviors and so will they have, hopefully. We all grow up. That's the beauty of being young. Some of you grow up slow, and some grow up fast, but eventually most of you end up on the same-ish level and tend to get along fairly well again. The problem is when we react to every little thing everyone says. If we can learn to be more mature and not let those things get in our hearts, then we can be much happier no matter what's going on around us."

Having said my piece, I went back to cutting up vegetables for my salad. They accepted that, even seemed to like that explanation! Maybe it took some of the pressure off or maybe it just changed the mood of the conversation, but they seemed much lighter. We went on to "unload" about other topics, and it became not a gripe session, but a conversation about trying to manage expectations. Serena and her friend are entering high school this coming fall and lots of changes are in store. The sports program is different, grades become more challenging, and it just gets tougher socially to stay on top of everything. It's a tough world out there, for sure. It's not the same school I went to several years ago. It's not the same world I entered, and it won't be the same security I felt walking in those doors as a freshman or leaving as a senior. These are different times in many ways. Our kids need to be diligent, but they also need to know how to relax. Such a hard balance to teach as a parent sometimes.

But back to maturity. It's not just a school-age problem, is it? Don't all ages suffer from a lack of it? Watch the news for 5 minutes. Go to any store and observe someone either waiting to park or waiting in line or waiting for anything for that matter. You'll either see a lot of maturity or a large lack of it. I've seen more maturity out of a 20 year old than a 45 year old at times. Age has nothing to do with maturity for sure. When there was a lot of problems relating to immaturity going on in school a few years back, some of the parents got involved and began fighting amongst themselves, creating a lot of embarrassment not only for their reputations, but for those of their own kids. It's pretty silly, really, because if you know anything about kids and teens, they generally get over a spat fairly quickly if adults just stay out of the way. (not including bullying, which was not the case, although one parent went a little extreme in the defining the word). By the way, not wanting to be friends with a child who is being unpleasant or rude is not considered bullying. It is called putting distance between you and potential trouble. Anyway, the  point is, some people can be pretty immature, even though they are old enough to know better. Hey, I've been cut off in traffic. I have my moments too. :)

It's never easy to take the high road. In fact, I just saw a saying about common sense.

"Common sense is not a gift, it's punishment. Because you have to deal with everyone who doesn't have it."

Isn't that the truth? Sometimes being the mature one in the room, whether you're an adult or the teen, can be a real burden. Everyone is on the bandwagon of crazy, and you're just shaking your head with maybe one other knowing soul in the room sometimes! And like I said, we all have our moments of immaturity. No one is perfect, and teens are growing up and have lots of mistakes to make. One thing I told the girls is to keep themselves open and not to close the door on anyone who annoys them today. Tomorrow they may be a dear friend, you just never know. It happens! And let's also never forget that there is a slim chance, oh yes, that we could maybe, just possibly, annoy someone else! What? Oh yeah. Us. And hopefully they look at us with maturity and give us a little grace that day and see us a little better than we are actually presenting taht day.  

What a great world it would be if we could all give each other a little more grace. A little more mercy. Look at each other the way God sees us. Grow up and be kind. Wow. How many people would call us friend? And how many people would we see in a whole new light? Sounds like a whole new challenge to me.

"MATURITY DOESN'T MEAN AGE. IT MEANS SENSITIVITY, MANNERS, AND HOW YOU REACT."