Choices

It was an easy choice to make the day Steve and I agreed that I would quit my job and raise our kids for as long as possible. Though the choice was easy for us, nothing about the choice has been necessarily easy! Not even 12 years later.

Over the past few years, we've managed to squeak through sticky situations, like Christmas with his family, when we were the only ones not able to drop a bundle on gifts. Oh, that was so not easy, but the choice we ultimately made was right. I would soon learn that the choice, however right for us, would not always be received, understood, or accepted by others! Suddenly being a couple with one income and two kids was scathingly unpopular. While some commended us for the choice to raise the kids at home with a parent, some didn't get it at all. And still, there were "others."

The "others" could be anybody, and it's even harder when the "others" are those who are in your life on a regular basis. It's even harder when you're a struggling first time mom, finding yourself without your former social network, having no job, and still being expected to do all the things you did before. It seemed that when I needed the understanding the most is when I didn't get it at all.

Looking back now, as we're faced with yet another sticky situation, I can see where I've gone wrong. Too many times I second-guessed my own feelings, my own choices. I felt I had to give reasons, justifications, excuses even. It was my mistake that I didn't stand on my own convictions, stand behind my choices, and really OWN my own decisions. Maybe somewhere in me I didn't think I really deserved to be home while everyone else was out working. Maybe I started to believe what the "others" really thought of me. Instead of being a stay at home mom and homemaker, I was "without a paying job". That one stung, and silly me, I let it.

I can't believe it has taken me to age 40 to really be confident in the choices I have made without letting someone else's ignorance take me down! As Steve and I discussed our plans to attend an upcoming family wedding, we really had to take stock of what we were going to be able to do. We've made some changes in our lifestyle, and this event was going to press on us a little harder than we could handle. Not only would we have to pay for accomodations, gas money, a shuttle to the event, clothing for all of us, and a gift, but we'd have to find someone who could lift our aging, arthritic dog and take care of her while we were gone. Honestly, that was our number one problem!

Silly old me stressed about this one way too long. It was my sweet, smart mother who said, "Sweetie, did you pray about all of this, or are you just stressing about it??" I shot up my prayer, and guess what?? I got an overwhelming peace about the whole thing. It will be a bit of inconvenience for us, but the decisions fit into our life goals. We had to let go of this issue of always trying to please someone else for fear that we'll be the focus of negative attention. In the grand scheme of things, all that matters is that we are true to ourselves, our family, and to what God wants for us. If it fits, great. If it doesn't, oh well.

Making your own choices at any time in life can be unpopular, uncomfortable, and definitely offensive to someone else. But as long as you're not trying to hurt anyone and you're truly just trying to do your best, then you just have to be at peace with what you are able to do.

I may never get the majority vote on some things, and it's bound to trip me up again down the road, I know I have God's vote, and that will just have to be the best check I ever get in the box.