Broken to be Blessed

I've been trying to get over the "crud", that is, ear, nose, throat,common cold junk. So, I've been a little fuzzy lately! I'm just now starting to feel a bit more human.

I posted recently about changing food and exercise habits, and that's normal for me, but as I thought more about it, I started to think about it in a more spiritual sense. Spiritual food. Spiritual exercise. At the same time, God revealed to me some areas of my thinking and personality that he wants me to change.

It's hard for me to admit this. I always want you to see my "best face". I don't want you to think bad of me. I am afraid of your criticism of me. It's only natural that God would want to address those very things with me! Yes, I am too critical. I am too judgmental. I can be opinionated. I can be rigid. I can be too quick to speak. And I hate ALL of those things about me, which is why I would fear them from others! Bingo. Bazinga!

Of course, I don't struggle with this as often as I used to. I'd like to believe that with God, I have overcome a lot of the insecurity that used to drive that behavior. See, it's no one's fault but mine when I get that way. It's not who I'm with, it's not who I grew up with, it's not my parents. It's my own choice to be wrong. So, in turn, it's also my choice to do right. I get critical when I'm hurting. I get judgemental when I get rejected. I get opinionated when I feel attacked. It's a knee jerk reaction to a bigger problem. God showed me that. I will take no credit for that insight at all! If I want joy, I have to choose to let God correct me.

And so I prayed on the way to my dear friend's home this morning. I asked God to help me be a sweet spot in her day, to use my speech to lift her up and to reflect God. To not complain, be negative, gossipy, grouchy, opinionated, or difficult. To be a light on a rainy day. Not to make me look good, but to make God look good and to make her feel good. She made it easy, as she was positive,uplifting, sweet, and helpful in her speech. She was the light in my day! And I was a light in hers, I'd like to think.

When we walk around in the dark, expecting everyone to do something for us, it's a lonely place to be. When we don't realize the impact our attitudes have on others, we can't really put them first, can we? I think God was trying to remind me that I need to put others first and focus on myself last. This was not a new request, believe me! He's reminded me of this before. Hello, baby of the family here!!

And just because I'm a Christian and just because I know a lot of the Bible does not make me all "fixed"! It makes me want to be completely recharged, rebooted, and repaired. Being broken makes me want to be better because I want to be used for better things. And aren't we all a little broken if we'd just admit it? As I found, you can't be fixed unless you do, and you can't be blessed until you let God change you.

At least that's the way I see it. And I am a little opinionated....:)