Friends and Favorites

I know I've mentioned this topic before, but in studying the book of James with some friends, it came up again. The verse that started it all:

"My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favoritism." James 2:1

We then opened it up for discussion. What does this mean? Favoritism. Favoring one person or group of people over another, based on economic status, in this situation. But favoring a person or certain people can be glaringly obvious in many situations. Think about the problems it causes when the teacher picks a "favorite" student. The coach picks a favorite player. The family has a favorite member. Being the favorite would be the spot in which you don't notice there is a problem, I suppose, but most of us end up on the other end of that. I know I have. I still do.

Probably one of my least favorite forms of favoritism lies in the phrase, "best friend". Otherwise known as "bestie", "BFF", and probably others, this is how it sounds to the ear of the non-bestie: "You are my friend, but something you do or a part of who you are is just not good enough for me. This person, however, possesses all the qualities that I feel are worthy in a person and therefore, he or she is my "best" friend. There will be no chances for us to grow any closer in the future, because I already have all I need in this friend. The "best" one, that is, and you will feel small in comparison when she is around because I will go on and on about her to you.Oh, and don't even think of my kids ever calling you "auntie". Someone already has that title. It's my "bestie". Sounds harsh? Just let it sink in. Just a bit. Maybe you'll see what I mean. Eventually. I actually hope you do.

I always wonder, does the person with the so-called "best friend" also have a "best" child too? Or perhaps do they already possess an ability to love 2 or more people for the qualities they already possess. Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with loving one more than another at all. Maybe they just fail to see the obvious good qualities in others because they are too focused on one person, giving that one person all they have. Their best. Exclusive. Favored.

I think I can figure out how to have a few good friends and give all of them my best. I think I can see each friend in their own beautiful light and love them because they are unique. Because they relate to me in their own way. It doesn't matter to me whether I've known you for 30 years or for 30 days. My mind is open to possibilities in every relationship. I believe in close friends. Friends who share intimate information. Confide in each other. Trust each other. Have each other's backs. Listen, understand, and care when they hurt. I can say with certainty that the number of friends that fit this description in my life is small. Very small. The friends I spend time with are friends that I love and would do anything for.  But I'm sorry. None of you are my "best". Because I love you all for your differences and for the beauty you bring into my life. Because I wouldn't want any of you to ever feel "second best", the way I have felt before.

If you have shown me kindness, smiled at me, asked about my kids, or prayed for me, you are my friend. If you lie to me, snub me (and you know who you are. Shame on you), or disregard my feelings, you won't be my friend for very long. That's too bad, because when I call you friend, I mean it. And when I walk away, I mean that too.

God does not play favorites. And neither should we. We need to treat people the way we want to be treated, and not allow ourselves to "classify" people of any kind, friends or not.