I suppose getting that flu bug last Friday wasn't helpful, and it has left me feeling more tired than usual. My body can't seem to handle very much abuse right now. I don't like feeling this fragile.
I was really looking forward to going on walks with my family after dinner, but I am pretty fatigued by that time. In fact, I fight to stay awake all day. It's not pretty. Life is not very enjoyable right now.
It's a waiting game and quite frankly, I'm waited out. I don't know the purpose for this, I'm quite annoyed by it, I want my life back, my kids need their mother, my husband needs his wife, and this stinks. There I said it. It's time for this to move on. My life has been on hold long enough while bad people go on with energy to do bad things and I sit waiting to feel well so I can do good things. No, life isn't fair, and some days that is really crystal clearer than others.
I'm sorry if my attitude makes you uncomfortable or gives you the idea that I don't appreciate my blessings. The truth is some days are just Eeyore days. Some days I am downhearted and distraught and ready to quit! I get tired of trying to stay up only to be beat down again.
It is harder and harder to see what God could possibly be doing when even my spirit feels quite messy and not at peace. Sorry to be a spiritual downer today. I love God and I believe he will deliver me. I just feel more like Job today than I'd like.
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Job 42:2 I know that thou canst do every thing, and that no thought can be withholden from thee. 3 Who is he that hideth counsel without knowledge? therefore have I uttered that I understood not; things too wonderful for me, which I knew not.
10 And the LORD turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before.
Dear Jami, Rest. Sounds easy I know but it's been the best advice I've gotten. With MS a simple flu can knock me out for days. I get that feeling of enough now. Dear Father, hold Jami in your arms of love and rest while she is so depleted of everything. Remind her that you love her and some how you have a purpose in this too. Even if it can't be seen, can't be known. May she soon join her husband and daughters in full living. Give her healing Lord. It's not impossible for you to do. Nothing is impossible so I pray this in Jesus name. Surprise her today Lord in some special way. In Jesus name, Amen.
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