Life isn't Fair, but Love is Here

It was like a broken record at our house with my husband and I always saying the same thing to our little ones when it became clear to them what we always knew. We first heard this phrase at their Uncle John's house when he was disciplining one of his own daughters. She asked him why she couldn't have what her sister had, and after explaining it, she still didn't accept the answer. He finally told her, "Life isn't fair." We didn't have kids at the time, but looked at each other knowingly, and banked that golden phrase for later!
"Life isn't fair." Our own little girls would  scrunch up their little noses at us, showing their disdain for the phrase we spoke each time they would come to us with a problem we couldn't solve, or a  lesson they needed to learn through losing. They'd find out soon enough that the world didn't owe them anything, and that no, life was certainly not going to be fair.
I find myself breathing this very phrase hurriedly under my breath lately, sometimes to keep myself calm in frustration or anger. "Life isn't fair."
In near-tears,or a waterfall of them,  when someone has let me down, and I didn't expect it... "Life isn't fair."
When something doesn't turn out the way I thought it would, when healing just won't come, when the breakthrough just won't break through. When the clouds just won't part to blue. When you feel like you're losing more than you're gaining, and saying goodbye when you feel like you just said hello. Life. It's all about learning how to lose, isn't it?
"Life isn't fair". Well, that makes me feel better. Not.
It isn't much comfort really, and most times, I scrunch my own nose up at myself and at Steve when he says it, but then puts his arms around me to remind me that he gets it. It's not that we expect life to be fair at all, but to know that sometimes things just don't go the way we plan or want them to, and it's a never-ending growth process. It knows no age limit.  We all go through hard things, sometimes for seemingly no reason, and we're left with a mess at the end. Sometimes it really is just completely unfair, but it's what we do with the pieces of that mess that add up to who we will become when it's over. Better or worse?
I have been learning many lessons through loss these past few years. I'm not sure why they all came sprinkling in the way they did, and quite honestly, I've probably done a lot of nose scrunching and complaining through it all. I've said out loud, "When does it all end?" I've quietly questioned, "Why?"  I've lost 3 of the closest people in my family in a short period of time. Coming from a small family, I don't have people to lose. Life isn't fair. All Natalie wanted to do was play the sport she loved-basketball, until it was discovered her scoliosis was slowly crushing her organs and she needed a major spinal fusion. Her dream of playing any sports ended. Life isn't fair.  I have a seizure disorder now after chronic migraines have already stolen enough of my life. Life isn't fair. I lost my brother who I really needed in my life and there was no time to say goodbye. Life isn't fair. I had a friend I thought would still be here and well...life isn't fair. That's just the short list.  Lots of hard lessons in lots of hard years. No one said life would be fair, but lots of people said it would be hard. I hate it when people are right.
Life is all about learning how to lose, and learning how to overcome. Understanding that through struggle we learn "things", and get strong. All of this is true, but the journey isn't paved! It is earned with tears and pain, goodbyes, and lots of heart muscle.  People say to count your blessings, and I believe it's the only way I can keep my head above the water most days. I don't let "life isn't fair" get in the way of "love is here".
I may not have my family members, friends may walk out on me, my health may not be what I wanted and so I can't do the things I always dreamed of doing, and there isn't much I can do about that. But what I can do is use my breath to thank God for what I do have left, and for the beautiful pieces of the mess that have turned up as a result of some of these disasters. Like the dear friends that have shown themselves to be true and stayed when I needed them to stay. Like my healthy daughter who overcame her surgery despite her loss of sports. And because of the way blessings work, I just have to keep watching for the rest to appear because I know they are coming.  Love is here, though life will always be unfair. Love will prevail and so will I.