My chest feels like a small child is sitting on it while another small child wraps a tight strap around my head. This is what my doctor has labeled physical anxiety. It's what happens when your outsides don't match your insides and you begin to blow up.
It is a physical manifestation of the subconscious things I worry about as I sit and wait wait wait wait for others to decide my medical fate. No I have not received my call yet. Yes, each day I wait becomes harder. My life seems to be ticking away, my family moving along, the flowers blooming away, and still I sit, waiting. I feel useless. It is not good to feel useless.
Yes, this is what is called a bad few days. If you know someone with chronic illness, this may bother you, but you need to know this is a very real part of what goes through the mind at some point.
God loves me. Yes. God will not forsake me. I have faith. Yes.
But. I. Feel. Like. Garbage.
I know my help comes from The Lord.
I'm just not very patient. Guess I'm human. It's not as easy as it seems to always stay positive, is it?
2 comments:
Psalm 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
Jami, I told get bad days and the huge anxiety and difficulty. I struggled a lot with that the first while I was sick. Waiting for a medical appointment and diagnosis is really difficult too. Can you be put on a cancellation list?That's helped me get some of the tests and appointments faster. I will keep praying for you as you struggle and experience these really bad days. May God strengthen you and relieve you of the physical anxiety. Love Angela
Post a Comment
Words Matter. Choose them carefully.