Pssst....did you hear?

Funny how God teaches. He often uses the little things and the little people to show the big picture. I watch for this, and so I see it often. Here's just one of those times. Motherhood is not for the weak, my friends.

Yesterday, I had some time alone with my younger daughter after school. She came walking out to the van with a friend beside her. As she approached, I noticed Serena was shaking her head at me ever-so-slightly. Warning flag, I read as a perceptive mom. The little girl proceeded to ask me if she could come over. Well, I have to admit, I don't like it when kids invite themselves over, and it's a rule at our house that you never do that. So, I told her no. She asked why, which is also a no-no at our house. You don't question another adult's answer. I said my annoyed because-I-said-so answer, only without the annoyance. Serena climbed in and said breathlessly, "thank you mom! I wanted it to just be me and you today." Somehow I knew that!

So we got home and she was a chatterbox! Non-stop chattering about this and that, yet something was being withheld. I asked her how things were going with her friend. After all, this is a friend she usually begs to have over. She said, "not so good". I know it's a normal thing, but I just feel so terrible when relationships at school are strained, especially in the 3rd grade! We talked about what she was feeling, and the biggest problem she was having was that the girl was talking (gossiping) about everybody, including friends that Serena played with. She was becoming controlling, not "allowing" Serena to have other friends! She was being bossy and manipulative to others, getting them to say things they shouldn't. I couldn't hide my annoyance at the whole thing, but I did my best. I tried to be encouraging about this friend and give her some advice on how to handle those situations the right way. God's way. Our family way.
I started by telling her that there are certain things our family does not believe in. "Like ghosts?" she said. "Yes, ghosts, but I'm talking about behavior things." Our family does not believe in being mean to people. We don't believe in gossiping about others. We don't tease. We don't ridicule. We don't hit. We don't call names. and on and on....." So, no matter what others think about the stands we take, we do it anyway because it's the right thing to do. I reminded her that it comes with a cost, and it's not always the popular or comfortable thing to do.
She thought about it, then told me some precious words I will never forget. "Mom, I am so glad I can talk to you about this stuff. You always listen and you help me." Sniff sniff! She told me I was a perfect mom. I will file that one away for when she's a teenager! No, I'm not perfect, and I explained that I make mistakes too.
So, we came up with a plan to avert the gossiping friend from gossip. We got the chance to implement the plan after dinner when the friend called. Serena checked the caller ID, then said, "Well, it's show time!" I smiled at her wise humor. My old soul.
The gossiping started immediately. We could actually hear it just standing by Serena. She looked to us for support, then began her antidote. "Hey, what do you think of pineapple? Isn't it a great fruit?" Pause. "I mean, really, it's sweet, it's yellow, it's good for you.." Pause. "Well, aren't Chinese people great? Have you eaten Chinese? Isn't it great?" Pause. Natalie and I fell on the floor laughing it was so hilarious!! She was so clever and confident without being rude or mean!
Finally she said, "Well, I'm talking about pineapples because I don't want to hear you gossiping to me anymore". Pause. "Gossip is talking about people like you are right now." Wow, the girl didn't know what "gossip" meant! Pause. "Well, it sounds like that is something you could talk to your mom about. If someone is mean to you, tell your mom and she will help you." Oh, the joy of it all, to hear her standing her ground for something she believed in. A few minutes later, Serena decided the conversation was over and told her she'd see her later. She hung up, walked over to where Natalie and I were waiting and said, "that was the hardest thing I've ever done." And yet, she made it look effortless to us. Grace in a 9 year old. Wow.
Not coincidentally, our fearless Bible study leader, Barb led us in a discussion about guess what? Gossip and other misuses of the tongue. Now I have even more "ammunition" to help my daughter become who God plans for her to be. People take kids for granted and think they don't need to hear these kinds of lessons, but it is so important to instill these values in them while we still "have" them. Soon they will have minds of their own and will seek others advice instead of ours. I'm getting mine in as much as possible while she's young!
So, if you hear me say something about pineapples, know that it's probably because you're gossiping to me and it makes me uncomfortable! It really works. Just ask my daughter.