To Forgive is Divine.....and stinkin' hard too

I kind of regret my post from Friday. In fact, when my computer took forever to post it, I disconnected my computer, hoping it would mess it up altogether. I was feeling frustrated and a bit fearful, a bit angry, and sometimes when I share those things, it helps me. Maybe it's not so helpful to others. I really kick myself when I think I have done something out of impulsive thinking. It's something I've worked on for years.

This morning in church, the message was on forgiveness. Oh, brother....this is my doing, everyone, I thought! But I know, we all fall short. We all offend someone at some time, and we all get offended. One of the many perils of our humanity, I suppose.

I should probably update the situation...Serena did apologize to her teacher for being disruptive. And something happened. The teacher apologized to her for giving her the detention. They then enjoyed school activity night by dancing to YMCA together. So for now, the situation is re-stabilized. I'm not sure I have faith that this won't head downhill again,but I have to take it for what it is today, and try to let the rest go.

So in church this morning, Pastor talked about how believers should come to reconcile. The key word being "believers". Well, I'm trying to forgive a non-believer who continues to throw stones. How do you stop feeling angry at someone who just won't stop being offensive? One day I feel I've let it go and forgiven it, and a week later, I'm annoyed yet again! It would be so much easier to forgive someone if you could just move millions of miles away! Or if they would...even better!!:) See what I mean?

I have experience in this forgiveness department. I have been forgiven and I have done the forgiving. I have forgiven people who didn't even know they were offensive to me because I was asking God to help me see them through His eyes. I just didn't want to feel that anger anymore. I guess it takes me awhile to forgive, though I know God forgave me in less than a heartbeat's time. And I didn't deserve that. I continue to annoy Him. I throw stones.

Pastor explained that it's pretty self-centered of us to not forgive someone or to not overlook an offense. We are to be kind and loving people, just as Christ was and is. Ooh...busted. Yet again. When the wrath of my impatience rears its ugly head and I know that I still haven't forgiven someone, I am so mad at myself. It is my ego, saying, "but you're not wrong...they are!" Make them accountable! Make THEM apologize! It just doesn't matter who is right. It only matters that I don't let this take a bitter root in me. Then, as Pastor put it, it becomes a big bag of HATE, and we weren't meant to carry that around.

I've heard it explained that forgiveness doesn't mean you have forgotten how someone hurt you. It doesn't mean that you downplay what they've done. Somehow, they will still reap consequences from it, just not from you. That's God's job. I've also been told that just because you forgive someone, doesn't mean you should resume a relationship with them. Think of a divorce, or if someone injures your child. You have to let the offense go, but in no way are you saying things will go back to being the same. And I guess that's part of the consequence. Yours and theirs.

So I need to find a way to forgive, yet be able to share space with these people without further tension on both our parts. I have been praying about it for 4 months, and I have another prayer partner helping me. She told me the other day that she's been praying for absolute misery for them. "Um,why?" I wanted to ask, but then she explained before I could get the words out. She's been studying about how to pray for the lost, and one way is to pray that they will become so miserable that the only thing they can turn to is God.

I have God, and I know how hard these things can be! So, I guess I can find it in my heart to continue to pray for the lost and pray that God will help me forgive them and be the woman he wants me to be, no matter what man tries to do to me!