I Am Free To Just Be Me!

I've had a couple of rough days since Easter. I don't know why..I guess I had just not been feeling well, and thus, was not feeling like myself. Everything was bothering me, and it was hard to dig deep for those blessings. This is such a human thing, really! Well, for one, I had to pick Serena up from school unexpectedly on Monday and take her to the doctor. That night, neither one of the girls slept well, so on Tuesday, they both stayed home. Steve decided to work from home, and I felt terrible enough to go back to bed. Well, one of the reasons he decided to work from home is that I had a hair appointment that afternoon. I had waited too long to get it cut and it was impossible to do anything with it and I just didn't want to cancel if I didn't have to. Thank God I have an understanding husband with a flexible job!

Well, I went to get dressed and when I laid my pants on the bed, I found that the seat of them had basically worn through and there were some pretty good holes. Oh, when did I wear those last, I thought, then quickly said, oh, who cares! Well, ripped jeans aren't a big deal unless you only own one pair that fit you. Guess what? That was my one pair. So, I went into a tirade about my weight and how I felt so old and dumpy, frumpy and stupid, blah blah blah.....I was feeling pretty bad! But, I threw on my workout clothes and headed to the salon. Oh, but not without a heartfelt prayer!" God", I began, tearfully, "please help me to see myself the way you do! I know you love me, and I know my beauty is on the inside, but I'm feeling like a wrung out dishrag with fat legs! Help me to overcome today and give me the grace I need to get through my bad mood. Help me remember my blessings and your love for me"....yup, that was my prayer. Almost exactly as spoken in the car that day.

Of course, all the girls at the salon are physically fit and dressed to the nines. Oh, yeah, this is right where I want to be...so I walked in there head held high, wearing my "cow" outfit. (Black and white, that is) God loves me, fat or not, I thought to myself. God loves me, gray hairs and all. God loves me, unmanicured and short on clothes. Yes, God loves ME.

Nikki, my stylist of the last several years, greeted me with a big smile....she is so naturally beautiful, kind, and so not full of herself at all! She's tiny, although she claims to eat like a pig. Her secret? She runs! I filed that little tidbit into my brain to chew on later. I gave her my cleaned up version of finding my torn pants that morning and how I really didn't want to wear workout clothes to the salon, and that I was feeling rather hard on myself that day. Nikki is never without a sweet compliment, and of course, I loosened up while laughing at myself. No, I don't look like Martina McBride, Nikki, but thank you, you sweet thing! Yes, my hair does need a "sassy do" like yours! Do your thing!

Well, Nikki then did something she's never done before. She asked, "Are you in a big hurry today?" Yeah, right, I said, my kids are still home and Steve's tying up the phone line. Can't wait to get back there! So, she began curling my hair, and making it look sassy and beautiful. I may have been wearing my Nike running suit, but I had movie star hair!

It didn't really hit me until I heard a song on the radio (K-Love) on the way home. I caught the first name, Fransesca something or other, and the song was "Free to Be Me". The chorus goes like this, and let me tell you, I had tears of joy! The lyrics may not be exact, but this is the jist of the song...

"I've got a couple dents in my fender
Gotta couple rips in my jeans
Trying to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
That I'm free to be me!!"

Can you believe that God brought me such joy and peace in a simple hairdo and a song about ripped jeans?? He really listens to our requests, big and little, and he wants us to be happy!
Let me tell you, friends, I have been full of joy since then! I had 3 or so days of the blues, but it is completely gone!! Now, I just need a little extra cash to replace those jeans.....God? :)