Skinny Dippin' or Chunky Dunkin'

With the coming of the new pool also came the dreaded swimsuit shopping. Having a young teen and a preteen means sifting through dozens and dozens of acceptable suits, semi-acceptable suits, and "ain't no way" type suits. Recognizing that my opinions and judgements don't always match up to those of my girls, I know that swimsuit shopping requires a tough-as-nails constitution.

Well, I don't have that when it comes to swimsuits. They derail me. Mock me. Scorn me. Stick their little straps up at me. So, I bring along my best weapon. "Fashion Dad." That's right, Daddy comes along...busting bikinis, tossing plunging necklines, defeating the dreaded thong. Fashion Dad. Hear the music??

So, with Fashion Dad in tow, I have someone to stand in alliance with me against the bathing suit forces of the world. He's there to 86 certain selections, scowl at others, wipe mom's brow when she gets exasperated. He's there to mediate when mom says, "too low" and daughter says, "no, it's not". There to dig through the twisted hangers, mazes of dumped merchandise, the hell of the dressing room, the pouts of the daughters who can't find her bottoms in a medium. There to reassure me that we're going for Chinese when we're finished with this war.

In a weak moment, I decided to try to stuff myself into a few suits of my own. What was I thinking? Was my blood sugar low? Was I in denial? All of those and more, apparently. As I shoved, struggled, and shimmied my way into what should have been used as sausage casings, my despair became the elephant in the dressing room. It was then and there that I decided I would wear my bathrobe in the family pool this year. Signed, stamped, decided. Yes, I will be rockin' the bathrobe. In the pool.

So, Natalie was able to find a suit that she not only loved, but also passed the parent approval test. It has to be modest, youthful looking, and unable to attract the opposite sex. Simple enough, right? Serena was another story. After going from one store to another, we finally ordered 2 very cute suits online and she looks like a doll in both of them! Score! Winner! Kersplasharooni! Happy mom. Happy Fashion Dad.

So, skinny dip or chunky dunk? I guess it depends on whether you believe the dressing room mirrors or not! My advice? STAY OUT OF THOSE THINGS! They may look innocent enough, but it's a war zone in there! Order your suits online, try them on at home where you are loved. Squeeze on in, then cannonball right into the pool. Forget about your legs, your bum, your girls upstairs. Enjoy what God gave you.

And if all else fails, wear your bathrobe. :)