Thanksgiving will be a little different this year. It won't exist. My mom and I, along with my sister, decided we're not celebrating it this year. At first my mom had announced, quite surprisingly that we were going to decorate her Christmas tree that day. At the time I thought it was probably a way she was hoping to cope with the day, but I wasn't sure how I was going to cope with the day, and the tree wasn't going to help.
It turns out these past few days have hit us all very hard again, and the addition of the holiday and the holiday season in general just isn't helping at all. We decided that while we are thankful for our many blessings, what we need most is rest. And a break from the trappings of holidays and "must-dos".
I offered to have them over for "dinner" on Thursday, but not for Thanksgiving. I will not be decorating the table like I usually would and I will not be making the usual efforts of a normal Thanksgiving spread. Mom is bringing her turkey and famous stuffing, but I assured her we are not going to make a "big deal" out of dinner. I'm not even going to set the table! And believe me, that is hard. But I will do anything to make us all feel a little bit better. I may even wear my sweats. Maybe I will even wash them. A treat these days.
These past few days have been like being thawed out slowly and having the horrible feeling come back in. I honestly blamed it on my hormones (not getting any younger here), and on my already-diagnosed depression. But then I talked to my mom and my sister, and they were also both struggling terribly. We didn't share with each other because we were trying to spare each other. I guess having not walked this grief walk before, we just don't know quite how to navigate this together yet. We've lost people, for sure, but this one is different. Much different.
Tomorrow I venture out and try again this week to get a hair cut. I hope to be able to sit there and not break down. I hope to be able to make it through a store without wanting to rush out of it. I hope I can pull off this "un-Thanksgiving" dinner gracefully. I hope I can get through today, this minute, and the next. Intact, and thawing.
4 comments:
Oh Father of those who are in deep distress, I lift up Jami, her sister, her mother and the rest of the family as they deal with great loss this holiday season. Help Jami to rest in you day by day, minute by minute. Help her to let go of any shoulds or ought-tos and show her how to take care of herself. Bring others into her life who can come alongside and provide care for her. Help her as she walks this path of grief.
Hope you have a great day. Its not all about the grand table set n its finest or the decorations its about being together supporting each other on lifting each up laughing n crying thanking n praying together as a family. Wish you the best day.
Amen Angela, amen.
Jami, I hope you felt enveloped in the love of Jesus Thursday, as you were surrounded by those you love most. I am committing to pray specifically for you and your family this week.
Post a Comment
Words Matter. Choose them carefully.