Monday, March 17, 2014

Heart Fight

The alarm went off this morning, same time as always. Nice Christian music began to play as I lay cuddling my dog. She uses my alarm as her cue to snuggle. So I hit snooze and began to plan my day. Nagging thoughts jumped in: why did so and so walk right by and ignore me on Thursday night....see, this is why I won't go back to that church....rude...and her friend....rude too...what is their problem anyway....just makes me mad....can't trust anyone these days...And on and on it went until the alarm sounded again. And frustrated, I got out of bed. 

Waste. Of. Time. Being angry and unforgiving, that is. I have enough on my mind these days. I really can't be parking on negativity. I don't have time for people who are petty and rude to me. I certainly don't have time to go home and take more time stewing about it too. 

I opened my devotional this morning and there it was. "Is there someone you need to forgive?" And I continued to read. By the end I hadn't let go of my bitterness, but as I drove this morning, I asked God to take it from me. I asked to be refined. To let him deal with my enemies and let me go on in peace! To let go so it doesn't control me anymore. I may ask these very things again tomorrow. 

I often think of God as a referee between people. Blowing the whistle, tossing the penalty flag, calling a foul. All the while we ignore him and continue the battle! We're often at war with ourselves and others. We're unreasonable, short-sighted, and self-centered. We like to be right!! We want to be validated, justified, accepted, approved, included, invited, regarded, respected, enjoyed, trusted, and cared for. Loved. 

Why do we continue to think that people-imperfect people-can fulfill all of those things? And then wonder why we are frequently disappointed? Because we don't know or don't trust that God can fulfill all of our needs. All. Of. Them. 

God is not the referee in the middle. He is at the top! He fights for all hearts and all relationships and does His work in repairing them if we let him. 

1 comment:

Angela said...

Forgiveness and letting go of the anger and bitterness is one of the hardest journeys to be on. I think it's also the most rewarding and liberating at the end. God be near you.

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