Love More

I spent some time writing letters this week, and doing some "faith" work, as I call it. There is a young man in our community who suffered a serious injury a few months ago and has not yet regained the use of his lower body. His mother was my girls' preschool teacher and he would often come in and do fun presentations for the students with his motorcycle gear. The kids really enjoyed him. He was injured in a rodeo. His name is Max. The girls and I spent some time writing out Scriptures on colored pieces of paper at his mother's request. She is planning to make a rainbow of encouragement on the ceiling of his hospital room. I thought it a bit ironic, as I pulled out my own rainbow cards I had made for myself a few months ago when I was struggling with my own loss of hope. I had posted them around the house to encourage myself. I used some of those Scriptures for Max. The girls insisted on arranging them in rainbow order. I insisted on putting this one on top:

"For I know the plans I have for Max," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper him and not to harm him. Plans to give him hope and a future."  With a prayer and notes for Max and his mom, we sent them off with hopes of healing.

I also wrote my brother Tim, who is on his way to U of M again today. His appointment last week was very long and surprising. The specialist ran some more tests of his arteries and found that one of his carotid arteries is completely blocked and the other is actually forcing blood to run in the opposite direction. Because of this, his body created extra blood vessels. Some of this has helped him to stay alive longer, but the doctors are so puzzled as to why he is still here. I know why. Because he is being given more time. I keep telling him this. I tell him, brother, I have discernment. Believe me. I wrote him a letter this week, told him again how he is loved, gave him another chance to let the Lord in on his situation. I enclosed a plan of salvation this time, folded neatly with the words, "in case you change your mind". I'm getting bolder with him, but I feel God giving me the okay to do so. It's time.

I wrote a letter to my nephew as well, who turned 18 last month. He is from another brother, who until about 5 years ago had been taking a break from the family. So I missed out on 13 years of this young man's life. I dearly loved him the moment I met him. You can't get time back, that's for sure, but I have tried to keep in contact with him and because of my illness have missed out on some important things of his lately. Sometimes things just don't make sense to me at all. Anyway, I let him know that although our time was short, some of our best memories as a family were made with him. I told him I hoped that he would come back and visit and stay with us and I would keep him in cookies as long as he'd like. He's off to college to pursue engineering, and he's going to rock the world. My relationship with my brother has never been better.

I have been praying still for that last brother to come around.

And I wonder why I walk around with a heavy heart all the time....this world makes me feel as though time is short. Things in the family make me so frustrated and yet some of them just don't care or just don't get it. Some don't appreciate each other and still don't care to reconcile. I probably care too much and come off as wounded. Jesus cares about relationships. That's all that keeps circling in my mind. Satan would love to see them all fail. That also circles in my mind. If we are to be strong, we have to be united. World. Family. Everyone. I don't mean to sound like doom and gloom, but I have felt such a heaviness lately and it has not driven me to fear, but it has driven me to want to love more. Sometimes that gift of discernment can be a little unsettling, as my former pastor told me it could be. Sometimes there are things you don't want to know that you know.

Blessings.