Obsessed With Life

I used to think I was obsessed with death. In college I almost took a class called "Death Education". I was so curious about what happened at the time of death, not in a morbid way, but in a "wanting to understand' kind of way. I was always curious about what made people want to be undertakers. What a sad kind of employment/ministry.

The first death I can remember was a grandparent, although I didn't really know her very well, and I was very young. The next was a step-grandparent, and I sobbed uncontrollably in the backseat of the car on the way home. All I could remember were the one dollar bills he would peel out of his pocket and give me every time I would visit. And sadly, I have been to more babies funerals than I would like to count. At each death, I have to say I left wondering why each time. Even now, I still do. Death always leaves unanswered questions, which is why grief lasts for an insurmountable amount of time.

I'm not obsessed with death. I know that now. But I am concerned with what death leaves behind. I find myself reading obituaries of people I know and don't know. Sometimes it's random and sometimes it's intentional. I pray for the families and I look at what the world just lost in terms of a wonderful contribution. I see people go before their time (in human definition anyway) and I think, "what does that mean? Can we make that mean something?" So I read the obituary and I see a life well-lived and I let it inspire me.

Where in my life have I given up? Where did this person persevere where I have not? How strong was this person's faith when mine has not been? What did this person dedicate his or her life doing that I haven't tried because I'm too afraid to take a risk? How many people did this person touch that I have missed out on? It's not the degrees, the medals, the promotions, the titles, the groups they belonged to that impress me. It's the people they touched, the charities they cared for, and the families they loved.

I think we can all be inspired by those who have gone before us, whether we knew them or not, to live life to the fullest and to do the things we think we cannot! We only get one shot at this life. I once had a dear friend tell me she had a vision for my life. It was about 3 years ago at a Bible Study I was hosting at my home. She took me aside and said, "I just want to tell you I see you doing something with your photos. I see you with a book. With your writing and your photos. I know you will do this." I have thought about this over and over for 3 years. With God's help and anointing, I pray this will come to pass, because it was my dream too. I was just too afraid to take the risk and want something for myself. What's stopping me now? Guess it's time to listen to myself! Could I be rejected? Of course, but there's always Wal-mart, right? I can make my own book and it doesn't need to be published! It would be nice to share with others because children's books are my passion, but it needs to be God's passion for me. We'll see....

Anyway, don't be obsessed with death. Choose to be obsessed with living! Be inspired by those who have passed on and use their lives to be inspired and don't let their lives be forgotten. Honor them with the lives you lead and smile up at them and tell them you'll see them one day again and it will be a wonderful day of celebration when you do.