ER and ME

I've been reading about the Roosevelts lately, Eleanor in particular. I find her very interesting, and I always have. She was strong, fearless, and wise from the time she was very young. In reading her quotes and reading her biography (ies), I have found similarities between Miss Eleanor and me! Oh, don't worry, we're pretty different in almost the same number of ways.

One way that we are similar is that I am always thirsting for knowledge. I can't seem to turn it off. I have to learn or I feel like my brain is wasting away! It should come as no surprise to you then to know how deeply having to leave college affected me.

I've told the story before so I won't repeat it again here, but not being able to finish my dream in the time that I wanted to finish it has left a large void in my life. We all have voids, and we all try to fill them. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes we don't!

When my road took a twist, I decided I'd be the best at whatever I was going to do, and it worked for awhile. When my road began to have the same type of bumps that caused me to leave college, I rerouted yet again and tried to be the best mom I could possibly be. The most important job I will ever do. The most rewarding. The best benefits. And yet, the void remains.

See, when you have a void for ,let's say...chocolate...you can't eat celery and be satisfied! When you feel a pull to achieve something and you instead become the best rock-washer on the beach, you lose a bit of yourself along the way.

This isn't one of those, "who am I-where am I going" moments. I have accepted that for now this is what it is. I haven't accepted that it's forever! I do hope to return to college one day...that is, after we pay for both girls to go...yikes. After this and after that....yup. It's what it is. For now.

I'd love to say I'll bloom where I'm planted, and for the most part, I have. But there comes a time in a bloom's life where it's time to deadhead, uproot, and replant. I'm at that stage.

My unending thirst for knowledge is for the moment being quenched by Eleanor Roosevelt, who never stopped learning. And maybe she said it best this way,

" You have to accept whatever comes, and the only important thing is that you meet it with the best you have to give."