Big Bag Lady

After attending the Real Beauty Makeover, where I was declared a "Rock Star", I went out and bought a "Rock Star" sized purse. Meaning , I was now carrying something that needed its own zip code it was so huge.
I am not a fan of big bags to begin with. I like to keep things simple. However, I liked the idea of the bag making me look thinner, so I went with it.
Well, several things have happened since carrying this jumbo bag. I hit people in stores with it all the time, and have been given "the look". I just give them my "I'm a rock star" look right back. Yup, right there in the peanut butter aisle. I have knocked food items over in the store as well. I walk by, and seconds later, I hear a crashing sound, which I ignore and pick up my pace in the opposite direction. Oh, and my husband won't carry it. It's too conspicuous, and evidently, black is not his color. Nor mine, for that matter. Thanks a lot Shari Brandael. My life is over.
I have found many odd things in this gargantuan hippo sized purse too. A stuffed animal, pair of socks, books, a CD, and 4 different colors of nail polish. That's just a few things. The other day while in the ladies room I discovered a large sticker had plastered itself to the bottom of my purse. How stinkin' long has THAT been there, I wondered.
Well, the clincher came on Tuesday, when I declared to my group of friends that I had lost my cell phone somewhere. "Did you call it yet?" they asked. No, I hadn't, but I had torn my purse apart and would look in the car next. I got home and dialed my cell. Sure enough, it rang. I followed the ring to my hippo purse, sitting on the counter. I hung up and followed the "beep" sound, trying to locate my phone. I emptied my purse. Still no phone. I was perplexed. Verkempt. All those other weird things and words you probably never hear. Then I curiously picked up my purse and held it to my ear as I prayed no one was window peeping at me.
"beep" went the phone. Oh, I know I had a headache, but I was not imagining that at all. I felt around the bag until I felt a cell-phone shaped lump in the bottom. Well, I looked in the bottom and it was a bottomless pit of nothing. It was then that I discovered the hole in the side pocket that had allowed my phone to travel aimlessly through the lining of my elephant backpack.
It took some digging, but I finally rescued my phone and promised it I would never place it in the black hole again.
I am so glad the phone didn't start ringing during Bible study that morning. How embarrassing would that have been to have a loudly ringing phone and....no phone! Surely I would have been the laughingstock of the group, not that I'm not already.
So, this "rock star" feels more like a bag lady and I may just retire that big ole bag and go back to what I know best, my cute "movie star" bag.