Patience Patience Patience

Do you know if you say the word patience about 6 times, you don't recognize the word anymore? Well, for me, saying it one time has the same effect. I don't have much patience, and I'm ashamed to admit that. However, it is the truth about me and the truth hurts.

So, I'm into week 4 of my healthy lifestyle, and according to my clothes, nothing has changed. Hmmm....I've really pared down my eating habits. I've replaced sugary beverages with good ole water. I've exercised, I've taken my supplements, I've stopped eating after dinner. SO, what's up? Well, for one thing, my body is a little annoyed that I'm not spoiling it anymore, so it's trying to hold on to its fat supply for dear life. For another, I believe God gives me what I ask for.

I asked for God's help in making smart food choices, to give me motivation to exercise when I'd rather rest. I've asked for wisdom and daily support. I've gotten all of that, but no significant change in my waistline. Could it be he is reminding me that it's not about weight? After all, he knows that is a past issue of mine. He knows it's my weakness and he's trying to strengthen me. This certainly is not what I would have chosen for encouragement, but then again, when I do things, I don't always do them right! He is choosing to show me that no matter what the outcome, I still need to do what's best for me. I believe God will bless me with weight loss when I show him some marked improvement and when I completely give it over to him.

I don't think it's a coincidence that Joyce Meyer's program yesterday was about self image. In fact, I think this week is a whole series on that. We don't want to admit as women that we struggle with this, but most women I know struggle with it at some point. Some struggle with it daily. I have days where I'm satisfied with how I look and feel, then a few days where I wonder where I went because I don't recognize myself. I believe the enemy knows exactly where my weaknesses are. He reminds me of instances in my life where people tore me down and he wants me to park there. I am not willing to give myself over to self-destructive thinking, however, once in awhile, it will creep in. That's just being a stinking human.

I think for me, aging has been a weak spot for the enemy to creep in. My dad was looking at me strangely yesterday and I said, Uh, Pops, whatcha lookin' at? He said, "from this angle, your hair looks gray." Now, normally I would have made a sarcastic remark to be funny. Nope. I had just had a really trying morning. None of my clothes fit properly, my hair needs a cut and color, I was feeling ragged and frumpy, tired, and just done, as I put it. That comment really didn't go over well, and I felt sorry for Dad, who really didn't mean any harm. I looked at him, and with resignation, I said, "Dad, my hair looks gray because it IS gray. I haven't had my hair colored or cut and it's gray because I am stressed out! ...and on and on....Oh, goodness, me. I think Dad learned a little something that day and so did I. He backpedaled quickly, saying, "Well, your hair isn't gray, it was just the lighting." Almost a save, but not quite! Mom said reassuringly, "When we get back, it's time for some woman talk, huh?" Moms just know, don't they?

Yes, my hair is gray, I have wrinkles popping up every day. I have bags under my eyes and gravity is wreaking havoc. I have arthritis in my elbow already and bursitis in my hip. It would be easy to give this over to the enemy, have a big pity party and go eat donuts. I'm aware that I have some work to do. Believe me, I'm in a better place than I used to be. I did not love myself for years and years. I know now that if you don't love yourself, it's like telling God he didn't do a good job. It's also hard to love others when you can't stand to be with yourself.

I've asked God to really help me in some crucial areas of my life, and I can say that he is working. It hasn't been easy, comfortable, or the method I would use. He knows what works for this stubborn Irish/German girl, and I have to trust that. I just need lots of patience, and God knows I struggle with that!

I will not quit eating well and exercising and I won't depend on the bathroom scales to validate me. I will not give myself over to the lies the enemy tells. I will practice patience with myself, my changing body, and the changes in my life. Mostly, I will try to focus on others so I don't become self-absorbed with my own troubles. That really is the best medicine for any trouble if you ask me.

Patience Patience Patience Patience Patience Patience Patience....my mantra for the week....