It's much more fun playing with a rope and a team helping you pull. It's more satisfying because you know the push-pull struggle only lasts a short time. Win together or lose together.
Life tug of war isn't so clear cut! I've spent the last month feeling pushed and pulled by a disease I can't conquer alone. My "team" of medication sabotages me on a daily basis. Win one day. Lose the next.
My week is a push-pull week. Too much going on and not enough of me. So tired and drained, yet irritated and restless. Push. Pull. Lose skin.
I want to enjoy Serena's track meet, Natalie's NHS induction and her first prom on Saturday. I have medication induced anxiety. I can't drive. The boy's mother ordered flowers that don't match nat's dress. Little things, but magnified when I have no control. Push. Pull. Trying not to slide.
I'm trying to function normally, but there is no normal yet.
I'm in the desert some days and on the mountain the next.
The Lord is my strength. He's on my team, pulling. He is in the valley and on the mountain with me. This I know. But I am human and I fear the unknown. I have to continue to repent this fear daily and reclaim my faith. Push. Pull. Hold on tight.
2 comments:
Psalm 55:5 Fearfulness and trembling are come upon me, and horror hath overwhelmed me.6 And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest.7 Lo, then would I wander far off, and remain in the wilderness. Selah. 8 I would hasten my escape from the windy storm and tempest.
Hang in there sister Jami. Everyone in life has wanted to fly away from the good fight of faith that had to fight. Maybe that is why we were not created with wings, because we would fly away and never face the battle. Blessings.
I totally get the fear of the unknown and the difficulty of not being in control. I hate the side effects of medication. Keep your focus on the Lord. I've found that is the only way to survive. He knows what is going on and what the future holds. He knows what you need and he holds you in the palm of His hand. You are in my prayers.
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