Tornado Expression

It's been quite a crazy week, and I'm trying to keep it together! Serena went back to school today, and called me to come back and get her at noon. She's still a bit under the weather. Well, some of you know what it's like to have a sick child home for a long period of time. It can be busy! Add to that my special needs dog, and I find myself quite beside myself at times. I'm behind in everything and running out of the essentials, dog food, laundry soap, toilet paper for Pete's sake! Everything is due this week, including 2 sets of basketball pictures, the Band Solo and Ensemble fee, and next week it's the balance due on the Toledo trip for both girls. Steve has been swamped at work, gets home late, and therefore has no time to pick things up for me or help out at night! When it rains, it pours.

Lots of procedures are going on in our family this week. My brother had an MRA today. His heart is pretty messed up. Apparently he has a mass of blood vessels that have grown together. This is the brother who is in recovery. My parents are running him to all of his appointments and trying to find people to help him move. (We've been gone or we'd be helping) My sister had a biopsy today, and Steve's father had his recently re-attached thumb removed today, as it would not heal. He had an accident a couple of weeks ago. So, that's just in my own family. I know there are a lot more things going on. I can be a bit too empathetic at times, feeling the pain of others way more than I probably should for my own sake. (bleeding heart?)

It gets overwhelming to know all these things are happening, though I know God is in control. I sometimes wonder why life has gotten so much more demanding and difficult. Why I seem to be spinning my wheels more than making progress. Why it seems everyone is struggling around me, and I feel completely helpless. Why it seems that we're never home or one of us is always running around for some reason. I can't help but reminisce over the "good old days" when I didn't go anywhere and everyone was healthy. When Steve took days off just to hang out with us. Those days just seem so far away now. Why didn't I appreciate that more? What am I missing now?

Maybe it's my Michigan state of mind. I do seem to need more sunlight than the average person. I tend to get down very easily this time of year, and maybe it's not as bad as it seems. I want to take things in stride and be joyful, yet truly, I just want the world to go away for awhile!! The other day as I was returning from dropping Natalie off somewhere, I thought to myself, "what would happen if I just kept driving?? I wonder where I would end up?" That's me, in "escape" mode. Fortunately for my family, I didn't have 2 dimes to rub together that day. I'm sure God meant for it to be that way!!

I spend so much time at home, working, working, working, and not having something else to focus on. I clean up after the kids, the dog, make dinner, keep the laundry up, go to the store, and on and on. I have not done anything fun for a very long time. You know what they say about all work and no play??? Makes me a bad, but relatable blogger.

I'm to the point where I don't know nor care who reads this anymore. I use it to express the way I feel so that my family doesn't get my complete breakdown! Writing is the best way I've always dealt with my feelings. So if no one reads it, no one comments, I don't care! It's out of me and into the air where it belongs. I know my honesty will reach someone. Maybe you'll see a bit of yourself in me. Maybe you'll be glad you're you and not me. Maybe you'll judge. Maybe you won't. Maybe I'll get this figured out before I have a hairy canary, as we call it around here.

So, I will leave it there, and leave it with God, who knows me better than I know myself. I've been pretty honest with him today too! You know what really helps me? When He sends someone to me to remind me that I'm not the only one who feels this way. When someone God recommends says exactly what I need to hear. I love to encourage, help, and minister to others, especially those caught in depression. However,sometimes I need to be ministered too as well. I'm so glad that God knows that.