Strong

"No one knows you're even struggling. You look nice. You're pleasant. In control. No one would ever know..."

This quote from my mom, who does know at least some of my struggle. But she's right. I put on a good front! I always have. But isn't that how we survive? Do we want people to "feel our burdens" really? 

If we're lost in the woods- do we just sit down and cry until someone notices? Or do we wander, climb, and stumble until we see something we can recognize? Some of us try to find our way out of those woods alone- bitten and scraped, smiling, hopefully because we didn't see a snake! 

I don't find it easy to share this struggle on my blog. In fact, I kind of stunk up my blog with all the blather about my illness! Gone are the days where I went on and in about bad drivers and politics (dislike of all, btw). Now the focus is on me. 

We all want to appear strong and in control to others. We want to be seen as reliable, dependable, tough, and capable. People respect and admire strength. But when you start talking about the real hard stuff-sickness, death, loss, etc.- you lose them. Not only does it make them feel powerless because they have no answers, it makes them feel their mortality, their fragility. It makes them look inward. Who wants to do that these days?  Don't we all just want to hang out with all the "strong" people? 

Strong people. I could name a few, and most of them couldn't run if they tried. Might need oxygen to talk. Have lost and lost and lost but continue to live. That is strong. Pleasant? Who told you becoming strong would be pleasant? 

So that's what this challenge has become for me. I used to think dieting was hard. Until I got sick! What is hard for me now is to trust God each day that these "weird" symptoms don't turn into something weirder. That the medication works. That whatever this is won't shorten my life. That I can be patient while I wait for the answers I need so I 

Can return to "normal".  Normal. 

If I can do all of this with God's help, then I will become strong. If that's all I get from it, that's not a bad thing. Strength is an honor. Think David and Goliath!!  

This challenge has already revealed the wonderful, loving character of my husband. Ironically, he married me knowing I might have some medical issues and he didn't blink! He has taken care of me and the girls with a great attitude-doesn't complain at all. I could not be more blessed! I know this has affected him on a lot of levels, especially since I can't drive. I'm thankful that his boss understands that the health of his family comes first. So thankful for so many things. 

Getting tired....sorry for the long rambling post. Thank my new meds..,;)