Where Did You Find Christmas?

I just don't know how to sum up the Christmas season. It was so busy and full that I just don't know where I'd start. We saw many people over the course of a week, having had 3 major family gatherings in a matter of days. We celebrated a birthday (Serena's), and exerienced a death in the family (my dad's sister).

It's no wonder that I felt that all my gears were stuck in overdrive. I had so many things to do, so many places to be, that I just froze in place, a big ball of frustration. I was trying to perform miracles, at least that's how it felt to me. When did Christmas begin to feel like I am trying to climb a mountain wearing only slippers? I wish it didn't feel that way, because the spiritual side of me loves Christmas. The rest of me isn't so sold on all the hoopla.

What I want from Christmas and what I actually experience are often total polar opposites. We chose to opt out of one of the family gift exchanges this year. It just wasn't good for us financially to participate, knowing we were trying very hard to go "credit card free" this year. Knowing we were already cutting down on our own kids, knowing we don't even buy gifts for each other. Made good sense to us. Well, it would just be nice to be understood, knowing that we are the only single income family there. Maybe that bothers me more, knowing that after all this time, they still don't understand/respect my choice to be home to raise my girls. Yep. I am the black sheep in that family.

Yes, sometimes holidays just magnify the hurts that are already there. In some cases, of course. We did have some fun visiting with our down state nephews and our two great nieces just yesterday. I think the boys would love to stay with us longer, and we would love it too. It's so hard to leave after having so much fun with them. I made chocolate chip whoopie pies and I am now back in first place where aunts are concerned. (not that it matters, right?)

Our gifts to our parents this year were anything but simple. We typed up some "kindness koupons", which consisted of various tasks we as a family are willing to do for them. I just can't wait to wash my mother in law's windows!! :) I gave my sister several of my treasured recipes and a certificate for a "hot homemade meal of your choice delivered to your door". She was pretty excited about that. We printed out several pictures of my parents and my girls to give my siblings. We also gave out our homemade salsa verde we worked so hard on this fall.

I found myself humming a Christmas song over and over these past few weeks..."Where can I find Christmas?" I think I spent a lot of time looking even though I know where it is. I spent a lot of time worrying, though I know that's not where it is. I looked at a lot of lights, heard a lot of music, sent and received some cards, and wrapped gifts. It just wasn't in any of those things, though some were enjoyable. I know now that no matter what is going on at Christmas and no matter what anyone thinks of our choices, we have to keep Christ in the heart of our Christmas or it just isn't worth it at all. And letting anything get in the way of the Real Reason we celebrate takes away the joy in our hearts.

So, I hope Christ was in your Christmas and I hope you follow Him into the New Year.

Wonder Bread

My dad's birthday was Friday, and I was a bit perplexed as to what to get him. Finances have been a bit tight lately, as they are every December, so I couldn't just go buy whatever I wanted to buy this time. The truth is, my dad just doesn't need or want anything. Well, isn't that easy for the rest of us? So, I knew whatever I gave him would be homemade and I had one day to do it. I prayed...God, I just need some ideas. Anything!" Well, God is so much quicker than Zappos! He led me to my computer, into my pictures files, and I started scrolling around. To my excitement, I came across some pictures that screamed, "BIRTHDAY GIFT FOR GRANDPA!"

My dad enjoys baking homemade bread, and loves to bless others with these heavenly loaves. We get blessed with them quite often, and they don't last very long at all. Natalie and Serena can polish one off in just a couple of days! One day I brought home a loaf for them and had it sitting on the counter when they arrived home from school. Serena grabbed the bread knife and got to work cutting off some huge hunks for herself. Natalie got a little spark in her eye and as they say in a brawl...it was ON! Nat grabbed the loaf from Serena and as Serena fought back, Natalie pushed her hand right into Serena's face. Serena put up a valiant fight and soon the kitchen was filled with giggling and bread crumbs! Well, guess what mom was doing the whole time this was happening? You guessed it. I was snapping pictures! It was hilarious to watch these two go all WWF over a loaf of bread!

So as I scrolled through my pictures, these popped up and immediately I got the idea to "do something with these". Thank you, Lord for a great idea! When I took those pictures, I had no plans for them at all! In fact, I had forgotten about them altogether.

I got to work printing off 9 wallets of the actual loaf of bread, pictures of the "fighting", and then the eventual face-stuffing they enjoyed at the end. I arranged them in an 8 X 10 picture frame, using some scrapbook paper and trims I had around the house. I then added a poem in the center... a clever little ditty, and it went a little something like this:

Grandpa's bread is worth the fight
Each and every delicious bite
In the end, we both win
And wait for Grandpa to bake again!
"natalie and Serena's bread fight"

I framed it in a very inexpensive, on-sale frame and wrapped it for my pops. When he opened it, he was speechless! He said there was no better gift than that! And my mom, who is pretty picky about her home decor, actually hung it right in the kitchen...and it matches nothing in there! Wow. :)

I love the metaphors and references of bread in the Bible, and the fact that Jesus multiplied the loaves to feed thousands. But to see him use my bread photos to help me and to bless my dad. Now come on, that's pretty cool when you think about it!

Back When

Some days I like to forget I'm a mom of a tween and a teen. Especially at Christmas time, I like to imagine my girls are 3 and 5 again. That's when Christmas really came alive for them. It's when they started to understand Jesus,and when they were able to frost cookies! I loved putting their little aprons on and letting them frost and decorate the sugar cookies. I have many pictures of cookies with mounds of frosting and tons of colored sugar, and big frosting covered grins! We also did gingerbread houses each year. Most of the candy got eaten before it got attached! I loved the wonder in their eyes as they experienced Christmas on every level. The mall Santa, the church programs, the family gatherings, the toys, and the extra fun we all had just because they were with us.

That's back when opening presents was a loud, crazy, messy occasion. Back when they drank their milk from cute little santa cups. Back when they sat in the little teddy bear chair to have their picture taken in front of the tree they got to help decorate. Oh, back when...where are you?

Are you now feeling frustrated that your little ones are into everything? Are they fighting over toys or refusing to eat their peas? Are they challenging you over bedtime or leaving snot prints everywhere on the windows? If so, then listen to me when I say this, and hear it good. ENJOY. For too soon, these days are gone. One day you will wish for snotty little noses to burrow into your good sweater. One day you will wonder if you spent enough time frosting cookies with them. One day you will miss this.

We love our girls, for sure, but as they get older, the wonder seems to seep out of them. They are busy with many other things, and their lives aren't just about us anymore. Kids just grow up. There's no stoppin' them once they start! Though my girls love Christmas and all the fuss, they chose not to help decorate the tree this year. Not because they were too busy, but because they had already decorated three trees for their grandparents, and were tired of decorating. Sigh. I did it by myself, and though Nat visited with me while I decorated, it just wasn't that exciting for me at all. I can't believe I miss the days that they hung all of the ornaments at their eye level! It used to drive me crazy, and I just couldn't leave them all there! Oh, how I miss that now.

You may think I'm just a big ole nostalgic mess. Well, I can be. I do revisit the memories quite often. I find it to be a healthy way to keep them alive. Not to dwell and wish for them back, but to truly remind myself not to take the present days for granted. Not to take the present people for granted. To remember that each age has its special wonder of its own.

Christmas can be a tough time, for when we think of Christmas, we're automatically transported back in time. We think of being kids and we remember who was there and what they contributed. If they're no longer with us, Christmas can be a lonely feeling. Though we know about the Babe in the manger, we still long for the grandma, the uncle, or whoever isn't there. Christmas is love!

So this Christmas, instead of thinking about what you don't have, think about what someone else is missing, or who someone else may be missing. Think about what you can do to help someone who is lonely. Maybe they're like me and they're just lonely for their little ones. Take your kids over and visit awhile!

As for me, I will still be decorating cookies with the girls for our annual tradition. Funny thing is, we can no longer tell the difference between my cookies and theirs! Some things don't change though, they still don't like to clean up the mess!

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

A Picture Says A Thousand Words

The girls and I spent some time at G-ma's on Friday, trying to help her with some Christmas decorating. When all the family comes home, we gather in the "rec room", so we were down there decorating the tree and putting some stray things away. I came across a photo that made all of us smile.

This was a picture of 3 of my older siblings, my mom, and me at about age 10. I think we got the picture taken at the church we attended at the time. My dad chose not to be in the picture back then, and I remember thinking it was strange to be going without him. It's just how he was, I guess, but then again, maybe it didn't feel complete to him with his own son being "out of the picture". He was living with his mother, being taught to dislike our family, and it showed.

My dad, though he raised my mom's three kids (4, 5, and 6 at the time), never felt like their "dad". They had a biological dad, and he wanted them to have a relationship with him, though bio dad was full of his own issues. I guess he felt he may hinder that possibility somehow, and so he kept somewhat of a distance. The story is much deeper than I can share here, but at the time, it was the right way to handle it. My mom often says that they didn't have the resources we have today to deal with the kinds of problems that went on back then. It was so true.

And so I studied this old picture. A seemingly happy mom and her 4 kids. Two boys, attractive and smiling, sporting very curly do's. A beautiful young teenage girl with brown eyes and a big smile. A freckle-faced, smirking, big-eyed girl, wearing blue and green plaid pants. Hence, the smirk. :) Little would anyone know, the beautiful teen would soon be pregnant and married with a long and winding journey ahead. One boy would become an alcoholic with a difficult road ahead. One boy is still out of the picture. The other, successful in all he has set out to do. And the little freckle-faced girl somehow made it out okay too. The mom in the picture is beautiful and smiling, proud of the brood around her. She had no idea of what her future would hold as a mom. Having been through a painful divorce, she thought the worst was behind her. Worse things would happen.

So, as we gazed upon this family photo, my girls saw 4 smiling kids and a Brady Bunch type mom. They laughed at their mom's silly blue blazer, blue plaid pants, and silly smirk. They really laughed at their uncle's naturally curly hair! They were amazed at how young their Grandma looked and how pretty she was.

And I was amazed at myself, that I was able to talk about the good times, even though that particular time in our lives was very hard to remember. I was able to recall happy Christmas mornings, funny family traits, and bring up the positive times in all of our childhoods. More importantly I was able to remember that although some memories are difficult and painful, we can always choose to remember the joys too. We can see the smiles and leave the rest behind. We can live in the present and let the past go.

And what we learned from our mom was just that. You deal with what you've been given. You learn from your mistakes. You don't live in the past. You keep your chin up. You love and you smile. And just keep on going. When my mom looked at the picture, she just saw her beautiful kids. Not the things they would do wrong. Not the bad cards they too were dealt. Not the mistakes and the arguments. She just saw her kids. The ones she'll always love no matter what. And what did she tell my girls about their mom?

"Your mom was so cute and so sweet. She didn't give me any trouble at all. She was so helpful and quiet. Just look at how cute she was!" Well, as I said before, "worse things would happen!" :)

Never judge a book or in this case, a family, by it's cover. Every family has its secrets and crosses to bear. But one thing we know for sure is that God put us together for a reason. And he did the same for you.

Ready, Set, STOP!

I am tired today. It's been a tiring week! Between running the kids here and there, I'm trying in vain to get the lights on my Christmas tree, finish the laundry, and work on the many things on my to-do list. I haven't even begun Christmas shopping, and forget about baking for now. Let me just say, this is not my childhood Christmas.

Of course, my mom wasn't running us everywhere. She worked full time and we lived in town. If we had somewhere to go, we got ourselves there with our Fred Flinstone car---our feet. She didn't know half the time where we were going or if we were wearing coats and boots. She was blissfully unaware. She really had no choice! Somehow,maybe magically, she managed to turn our home into a Christmas wonderland, singlehandedly most times, as dads back then weren't into the whole "helping' thing, as you may know. Dads weren't stopping at stores on the way home from work to pick things up for a tired mom. Nope. Dads were sitting on their tired butts watching the news and waiting for tired mom to finish dinner.

Somehow she managed to make not just one or two kinds of homemade candies, but several. Not just one or two cookies, but at least 6 or 7 kinds. Our home at Christmas time was like a party for any friend who would come over. We had candy dishes everywhere, cookie plates here and there, every corner was decorated, and we always had the Christmas music on. A snow day was like a vacation back then, not a stressful thing as it is now most times. I can't remember getting anything on my Christmas list, however, I can't remember ever being disappointed on Christmas. We didn't get a lot, having 5 kids in the house, but it seemed like a pile of gifts when we came down the stairs on Christmas morning. I didn't think about the fact that the desk and chair set I got was actually refurbished. I was in love with that desk! I still have it today, labeled, "save for grandkids". I think ahead.

Anyway, I sure had a different perspective on Christmas from a child's eye. I'm still not sure how my working mom pulled off Christmas like that each year. I know she wasn't always in a great mood! We tend to get that way when we try to do too much. I catch myself in a "mood" when I also feel I'm not doing enough to make Christmas memorable for my girls. Ugh.

One of the reasons I chose to be a stay at home mom was that I wanted to give my kids the gift of time. My mom was always preoccupied with work. Though she loved Christmas and the other holidays, she was not a sitting, reading, knitting, baking kind of mom. She cooked, for sure, but she really didn't have much time for herself, and so everything she did was for us. She was just too busy doing it to spend time with us just having fun. I'd like to say I'm different, but sometimes I get caught up with all I have to do, and I forget about having fun. Sometimes the holidays stress me out and I forget that it's up to me to make those holidays memorable for them, as they were for me as a child.

I may be home, yes, but I am doing way more running and activities than my mom ever had to do. While I didn't like the answer of "no" back then, I know why she said it so many times. At least it kept us home as a family, not running in 7 different directions, as sometimes we do as a family of just 4.

And so, I will have to put some "family events" on the calendar before everyone else tries to take my days away, and here is a list of what we'll do.

1. Sit on the couch and stare at the tree while drinking cocoa and eating cookies. Time needed: approximately 25 minutes.
2. Take the "one horse open sleigh" for a drive around our neighborhood looking at lights. The "sleigh" is our mini van, with windows open (sometimes even both doors!) Christmas music blaring, while driving around looking at lights. Snow is optional, but makes it so much better. Cookies optional, but make it even better.
3. A walk in the woods on a snowy evening. Do I need to say more?
4. Watch a favorite Christmas special as a family.
5. Make a snow hill from the top of the deck, and try to injure ourselves with the snow board later on as the hill grows.
6. have a snowball fight after the first snow. Then come in and make chili!
7. Sit around in our jammies ALL day and do whatever we want to do!
8. Have a family game night where we all beat daddy. He always wins!

There are so many more things I want to do with my family, and I know sometimes other things will get in the way. But if I can just stop and do just one, we will all be better for it.

I hope you make time to do the simple things with the ones you love. They won't forget it! And neither will you....

I am Charlie and Charlie is Me

I've been dabbling in the party business a bit heavily lately, of course, beginning with Serena's big bash. On Tuesday night, I hosted a table at our church's annual Christmas Tea. My guests were probably the best ones there...5 young teens! And finally...finally...I was able to do the table I've always wanted to do...Charlie Brown Christmas! Of course, it was someone else's idea as well...and that's just peachy. I'm glad someone else loves Charlie Brown as much as me. I didn't know it was possible! I know now. Ahem. :)

Anyway, more importantly, the girls who came had a wonderful time. Typically not an event for the young, they seemed to appreciate the party atmosphere anyway. The speaker was wonderful and the girls laughed at all her jokes. I was just so glad they were listening. What a message for young and old. I was also blessed with 2 empty seats. I say that because I was able to have one of the girls' moms sit with me at the table. She really enjoyed herself as well. We had a nice visit, and it was nice to have another adult to interact with the girls. I was, however, disappointed that my own Serena chose not to attend. She just didn't want to be a tag along, and nothing I could say would change her mind. She was quite firm about waiting to sit at the youth table when she's actually in youth. She is such a rule follower. And stubborn. I hope that serves her well later in life, as experts have told me it would. I missed my little stinker girl for sure.

Ya know, I don't know why I'm always taken by surprise when God works things out for me. I don't know why I always panic first, get annoyed first, grit my teeth first. I should just say out loud, "God's got this", because He does and has EVERY time. EVERY TIME!! I really worry and stress for nothing. I continue to give my concerns to God and then keep part of them for me to stew over. Oh, why can't I just get it for once and for all?? Because I have much more to learn and much farther to grow. That's why.

I was delighted to find out that our pastor is a big Charlie Brown fan too. Said it was the best cartoon ever made. And he really liked my table.
I relate to Charlie not because I walked around as a depressed, oppressed child who always fell for the football trick. I walked around, wanting to be loved just for being me. I didn't get a rock in my trick or treat bag. I didn't get called "blockhead", but sometimes in life, you feel like a blockhead who just deserves a big ole rock. And who can't love Snoopy? Truly, one of the coolest dogs ever, aside from my own late Sophie girl, of course.

So, Saturday is yet another party, and this one's a breeze. Good times, good friends, laid back fun. I can't wait!

God is a Party Planner Too

As my title says, God is a party planner. I know this because He told me to plan a party for not one, not two, not three, but twenty three tween girls. At my house. At the same time. For no apparent reason. And like all things GOd plans, it was a hit!

Four packages of cookies, 90 pizza rolls, nachos and cheese, lots of chips, several gallons of punch and two pounds of twizzlers. That, my friend is how you woo said tweens! Add to that a big open space, Just Dance, ping pong, air hockey, charades, board games, and even a little dress up....yeah, that's a party!

Serena's party with ALL of her girl classmates invited was Friday night, and out of a total of 23, 19 were there! We had no idea of how many were coming, as RSVP now means "Surprise me", apparently! It was all good, however, as we were prepared for whoever showed up. We were praying for a full house. We got a very full, very loud, very excited full house!

It got loud as soon as there were just 4 girls here. Serena stayed upstairs and greeted every girl individually. I was pleased to hear one parent say, "I sure wish every parent would think of inviting everyone. This is so nice." And let me tell you, before I get too involved with party details, this party was a hit and it wasn't because of the food.

As all of the girls arrived, I was getting a bit nervous. Apparently earlier in the week a few of the girls had been fighting. I kept my eye on all of them, just in case, but saw no evidence of any kind of fighting. No dirty looks, no exclusions, nothing! In fact, they seemed to be having a wonderful time. A couple even told me, "this is the best party I have ever been to in my life!" I would find out later it's really the only party one of them had ever been invited to, and I don't know why. That girl knew how to have fun!! Another girl seemed so reserved and nervous, but when we turned out the lights and ran the disco ball, I caught her dancing a bit! I called out, "you go girl! You've got moves!" She just had a big smile on her face and moved a bit more. Oh, God, you're SO very smart about these things.

I had prayed for this party leading up to the night, and all I asked for was that everyone would feel the one thing we all want to feel at any age really....loved and accepted. I hope they felt that way, because as far as I could see, and as much as I could do, those girls were loved and accepted, if just for one night. They seemed to include one another, organizing games of charades, and taking turns with the Wii. I played air hockey with some of the girls, and made small talk with a couple more. Steve and I stayed with them the whole time, not to spy, but to truly enjoy them and get to know them all. I even did a little crazy dancing, but only when Serena's back was turned. She had asked me not to embarass her. Well, my dancing is cool, so she's a little off on that anyway.

What a joy we had with all of the girls, but particularly with our own daughter. We watched her entertain, and care for her guests in the most mature way. She walked them to the bathroom, got them cups and wrote their names on them, greeted them as they came and too their coats. One had gotten knocked over by an overzealous friend, so Serena stopped to pull her up and ask her if she was okay. Ironically it was a girl who hadn't been getting along real well with Serena for different reasons. She walked each girl to the door personally as they left, and thanked them for coming. She then thanked us profusely for letting her have the party and couldn't stop bubbling about all the fun she'd had.

We were all exhausted as the last guest left, but did a big high five, as we realized that the real praise belonged to God, who gave me the idea in the first place. Now, did having the party solve anything for the long term? I don't know. However, I think back to that one girl who exclaimed, "this is the best party I've ever been to in my life!!!" and I say, "yes". If just for her, then yes. I remember saying to Serena, "if someone says they didn't have a good time, I will know they are teasing, because every girl had fun!!" She agreed.

Sometimes when we are in someone's home, we get to see them in a different light. A softer light. Sometimes when we get out of our usual setting, in this case, school, we get to be who we really are, not what is expected of us. We get time to see others in a relaxed setting, not on a playground. It was comforting to see that although some of these girls have had a rough time of it socially, all of that seemed to be put aside. I'd like to think it was the lighting, and I don't mean the 60 watts in the basement.

God. What a party planner!

Shopanot

I don't do Black Friday. Or Black Saturday, purple Sunday, and Cyber Monday. Nope. I pay full price happily. Well, of course I like a sale, and when I can get one, it's great! However, I won't go out of my way for a bargain. I either wait for it or I don't get it. Simple simple.

I've learned in my 42 years that certain things just aren't that important, like having this or having that. Lately we've just been more focused on the status of our families, all of our health, and what we can do together with the time that we have. I guess Best Buy just doesn't figure into that, nor does x-box or any other "thing". I'm not against having or getting things, but it's the way people go about it that bugs me.

I don't do crowds, either, as you may have guessed. I tend to have bouts of anxiety brought on by my heart rate, so I try to keep it down! I try to find peace and keep peace wherever I can. I can't always be successful, but I've found that by avoiding certain situations, i am just much nicer to be around.

So, it somewhat disappoints my friends when they learn that while I don't mind a little shopping, I am NOT a shopaholic. I don't like long lines, crowds, too much noise, endless loud store music, crabby people, bad drivers, and sore feet. I also don't like an empty pocketbook! I don't even enjoy grocery shopping! It's tedious, it's annoying, it's a necessity. Not fun. Aren't I just a joy?

So, this anti-shopping girl is now facing the holiday season, in which I must shop. What? Do I like to shop online? Not with my dial-up, that's for sure. And so I must put on my armor, my ear plugs, my blinders, and my smile, and go out "there".

And my biggest wish of all? That Christmas could be just what Christmas is and nothing else. The birth of our Savior. And did He get an x-box for his birth? Did the angels worry about what time the sales started? Did people tase each other to get a glimpse of Him in the manger? Did the shepherds go into debt just to get their sheep the latest and greatest nose hair trimmer? No! They focused on Him, that babe in the manger, and that's where I would rather be!

Happy Shopping anyway....and Merry Christmas a bit early.

Blessed Weekend

We had a pretty fun weekend starting with last Friday night. Our friends invited us to a "mystery dinner" at their home with their "Reach" group from church. While we were at their house, their kids were at ours being watched by Natalie. I'm not sure which group had more fun! So, the mystery dinner was interesting....you had to pick 4 numbers out of each "course", and then you were served the item that corresponded with the number for that course. For my first course, I received 2 mint oreos, 4 carrot sticks and a spoon. Steve received no silverware and a pile of spaghetti with no sauce. I then got my sauce in a bowl, a breadstick, and a pile of fruit dip. So, the idea was to see how creative we could be while using what we had to eat our dinner. I ate my spaghetti with "celery chopsticks", and Steve at his with his fingers! There were about 16 of us there, and we of course, knew only 2 people there! They were a really fun group and made us feel like they'd known us a long time. It was such a blessing!

On Saturday, the girls and I headed into town to help with the Thanksgiving baskets being distributed by our church. The girls got to help pack them and then we were asked to deliver them too. Nat went with her small group leader and I took Serena with me. After getting lost, I stopped and picked up my GPS...Steve. I can tell my girls about real "need", but sometimes they need to see it for themselves. We were very blessed by that day too!

On Sunday, Steve's sister came for a visit with the now 14 year old triplets! While she had a visit with her brother, I took the teens out for a photo shoot. It was cold and a bit windy, but we had such a fun time! They are such beautiful kids--one boy and two girls, and their personalities are so much the same as when they were born! They had brought a buddy with them to the house, and so I had 5 teens and a preteen and what a blessing it was to have so much fun and laughter in our home! And the pictures blessed their mom, who can't get them to go to a studio anymore. Lucky me, I will get to do it again!

While the weekend was full of blessings, it was also full of sadness in a couple of ways, and Monday brought even more sadness. It reminded me that we really need to hold onto and focus on those blessings, because if we focus on the bad stuff, we just might miss the good stuff. I have to believe that God is working in all of these situations that aren't so good, and I have to focus on being a positive influence wherever and whenever possible. Light shatters darkness, right?

Get out there and be a light and count your many blessings...one by one!!

It's A Party or World War 3

Thanksgiving is upon us, and where are your thoughts? Food? Family? Football? Antacids? Well, mine are all over the place! I have an extremely full month ahead of me, beginning with Thanksgiving. Steve's birthday is a few days after, then I will be planning a very large party for Serena. It wasn't my idea at all. It wasn't even Serena's idea! Let me begin at the beginning...

Serena was born 2 days after Christmas. While we've never forgotten her birthday, we can't always have a "friend" party because of the holiday. We not only can't find the time to do it, but we don't like asking friends to bring gifts when they should be saving money for their Christmas giving. We tried "gift-free" parties in January, and even had a swim party once. However, we now play basketball every Saturday in winter, so the non-birthday parties continue once again.

There have been a lot of social issues in Serena's class this year. The girls just don't seem to all get along, and it's silly really, because individually, the girls are nice to be around for the most part. Hello, they're 11 and 12. What do you expect, right? Well, Serena has always been a peacemaker. From the time the child could talk, she was always trying to smooth over problems for others, helping other kids to share, and trying to include other kids. Sometimes her efforts to be a peacemaker are not only unnoticed, but they are unwanted by those who would rather be unkind! Welcome to the real world, dear one. Anyway, we found a solution, we hope.

I had really been praying about this situation at school, since even some parents were getting overly involved and actually causing more problems with the girls! The situation was getting out of hand, and Serena was really feeling pressured and didn't want to go to school. In fact, we had some serious talks about finding a new avenue for her education. So, something had to be done, and I was talking to God about it daily. One day, I believe He gave me a challenge. "Why not invite ALL of those girls to a party?" What? Are you kidding me? World War 3 at my house? My basement is not set up for parties anymore! What about all the fighting parents, let alone the girls? Will there be mayhem? I have too much going on and what about cost? Are you sure this is a good idea? That was my response, and I'm sure you moms can relate!

I'm sure now that God is behind this party. When I mentioned the idea to Serena, she said, "I think it's a good idea, mom. Maybe it will show them that we can be a team and not be so divided. No one will be left out, for once!" Well, except for all the boys. Forget that!! So with my daughter's blessing, we set to planning a non-birthday party. Not only did we not want people bringing gifts, but a classmate's religion prohibits it, so she even gave up the birthday idea so she could come. Wow, is all I could say to that. Good girl.

Serena handed out her invitations at school and had mixed reactions. She was very hurt and disappointed when 2 of her friends suggested she not give out certain invitations and not to tell her mom and no one would ever know. Really? And these are your friends?? Grr..Serena stood firm and said, "everyone is invited. Everyone. and how do you think those girls would feel?" She later told me, "I should have asked for their invitations back just to show them how really mean that was." So, the girls replied, 'well, i just might not be able to come." the other one said, "i will hide in your room the whole time'. Serena just said, "If you don't want to come, don't come", as her heart cracked just a little bit more.

It makes me more than angry what has been going on, and yet all I can do is just continue to help Serena be who she is no matter what. She told me she may lose a couple friends over this party, and we both agreed that real friends will let you be yourself, and maybe it's not such a big loss if that were to happen. I know how much it hurts her, and that's the part with which I struggle.

So, a party. Lots of cheet-os, punch, and noise. Lots of girls. Some oil. Some water. Some fire. Sounds like fun, right?? This whole month has been a wild ride and we're just getting started. I can't wait to see where we're going next!!

The Sweet Spot

It's that time again where I tell you about the latest book I'm reading! I always give you that warning to choose to tune out. Some people just aren't readers. That's okay with me. Maybe you're a talker, a doer, a street smart kinda person. It's all good, but I gotta have me some books!

So, this title jumped out and grabbed me, as well as the beautiful golden retrievers on the cover...."Cure For the Common Life", by none other than Max Lucado. I just started the book a few days ago, and already I'm thinking of my life in a whole new way.

I get all tangled up in my daily life, as far as my chores, my errands, the lives of my girls, where we have to be, what we have to do, what's due, what's late, what stinks, and on and on. Somewhere in all of the whoopty doo is my life. Somewhere in there is a gifted woman, trying to get out. That woman is me!

I met her today, as she answered some of the pertinent questions in this book. Here are just a few:

1. What have I always done well?
2. What did I enjoy doing as a child?
3. What is it that creates pure energy in me?
4. What do I love to do?
5. What makes me say, "YES! This is what I was made for!!"

It forced me to take a minute and take some inventory. It's been awhile since I've thought about those things. Somewhere in my wifely motheringness, I forgot there was someone else in there. Someone who was created for a specific purpose. Am I out there being "me"? According to Max, the world misses out if I'm not.

Without quoting the whole chapter, I think it's important to understand that my "being me" has less to do with pleasing me and more to do with pleasing God. We are created to glorify Him, not ourselves. Having said that, picture 3 circles. One says, "My everyday life", another says, "God's Glory", and the last one says, "My strengths". Where these three circles intersect is called your "Sweet Spot", where all of these things come together and work as one.

This is what Max defines as the "cure for the common life". When we realize that our uniqueness, being used in order to glorify God in our everyday lives,using the gifts we were given, is all we need to live our lives to the fullest.

I hope I've intrigued you enough to give this book a try. One thing I always do when starting a new book is I always start a notebook. In it, I answer the questions presented in the book, write down the scriptures, and copy down pertinent quotes or ideas. It helps me to take the knowledge a bit further and actually use it.

It was no surprise that I used that practice as the answer to one of my questions, "what do you love to do?" Read and study!! Maybe I'm meant to be a perpetual scholar. Who knows? Maybe by the last chapter of Max's book I'll have it all figured out!!

If you're a "bookie" too, share your favorite titles with me!

Unpredictable Me

Call me indecisive. Call me impulsive. I call me "unpredictable". Always keepin' 'em guessin at what I'm going to do next. The 'em is mostly my family, because unpredictable me in other circles would just be "crazy lady", so I don't go there.

So, here are some of the "strange, but true" things I have done recently that showcase my unpredictability. Names and places have been changed to protect the innocent.

1. I met a stray cat the other day. I watched him with my binoculars awhile to try to figure out what he was eating. I decided to take the poor dear some chicken. As I walked toward him, he took off like a you know what out of you know where. I called after him,"kitty! kitty!" He was having none of that. So, I named him. He is now "Bill Murray Slash Stripes." Or just "Slash" for short.
The other day he brought his friend "Bootsy Boots". I fed that one some ham. Did I mention I'm not that into cats? I am a dog person. Those kitties don't have a future here at all. I almost-never-unless-i'm-sneaking feed strays.

2. After watching a TLC show last night, I dressed up as one of the reality characters and made a spectacle out of myself. My kids cracked up. I cracked up. Steve gave me "the look". He didn't get it. Apparently I'm not as funny to him.

3. I had already purchased my mom's birthday gift, but decided to stop at the dollar store on the way to her house. We needed some "unmentionables", but on the way, I saw a cool decorated box. I picked it up, and proceeded to fill it with all kinds of neat stuff I found. Happy Birthday again, Mom. She's lucky I'm unpredictale, wouldn't you say?

4. I have been doing push ups every day, and I keep pushing myself to do more and more. Well, we were having sort of a push up party in the living room one night and I decided to try to do a "clap" pushup. I didn't do one. I did four!! I should probably add that I was doing a modified push up. But still....back flips may be next. I'm pretty sure I can do a triple sow kow (phonetically speaking) too. Just gotta get me some skates.

Have fun being all predictable, but once in awhile, just let it rip. Keep 'em guessing. And never ever tell anyone what you're really doing. Then you'll always be a big surprise. Or a shock. Oh well, have fun either way!

Heart Control

I find it interesting how many times I've been in a group, and something someone is going through is exactly what I've just struggled through myself. I also find it interesting how many times we keep situations to ourselves, thinking, "I really shouldn't share this...maybe I did something wrong..." What a lie that has turned out to be EVERY time. It's a lie that keeps us blaming ourselves, stewing in the problem, and not being able to help someone else. It's a waste of time, and it's not of God.

The truth is, when someone hurts us, we are shocked. We are stunned momentarily. I know for us it was a matter of, "wow. You thought so terribly of us right off the bat? You didn't even ask us to clarify what was said before you fired off your many attacks? You really wanted to believe the worst? You really wanted to think we would be so insensitive and unfair? Wow. You must really be screwed up. You must not respect us at all.You didn't use any of your past knowledge of us to make a determination on the 5 minute conversation that was had. You reacted out of pure foolishness and emotion and basically shot off your own feet. And sadly, if you really believe that,then you don't know us at all. Wow."

This is why the Bible warns us so many times not to keep company with corrupt people. Not to spend time with fools. Eventually, they will use you as a target because they are miserable, unhappy, and living entirely in the flesh. And somehow, it's everyone else's fault. Particularly yours if you get too close. Wow. It's been a couple of months, but the shock is still fresh. No pain, no loss. Just a bit of shock. We realized quickly that to feel loss, you would have had to have actually had something real and of value. We saw immediately that apparently we didn't all along. Sad to be disappointed with the truth this way, but Steve and I understand. We knew there was nothing we were going to be able to say or do to help. We tried. Sometimes people just want to be hurt and angry. Not helped or changed. Sometimes the wall is so thick that no person can get in.

Well, as much as I'd like people like that to know the peace that I have, I am not willing to be used as a target so it can happen for them. I will pray for that couple, but we will not get that close to the fire again. I will pray for the light to come on so that one day, they can find peace and begin to reflect light the way they were created to do. Because truly, we don't want anything bad for this particular couple. We want them to be happy and at peace. Just not at our expense.

See, this is where God comes in. He knows the situation and can see exactly where it's headed. I do believe that although these people do not follow him, He is still there, waiting for them to turn to Him. He may be making life a bit uncomfortable for them right now so that He can shine a bit brighter and they will begin to see His face. He may be taking things and people away so that they have to depend on God and God alone. Who knows? He works for the good of those who love Him, we're told in the Bible, and it's all for His purpose.

We are ALL created in His image and for His purpose. Even the mean, the miserable, and the fools. We are all given a future, a hope, and endless amounts of love. It's all there. We just have to either accept it, or continue to thank Him for it and use it all for His glory.

And to the person who just tried to obliterate you, whether by a mean email, as mine came, or a mean text, glance, or gossip....please concentrate on those who DO love you and add to your life. Let those who don't honor you not have so much power over your life. And know that if you have a good friend, you will never be alone. If you have God as your friend, you really are never alone. Never! And remember, he will pay back trouble to those who trouble you! (2 Thessalonians 1:6)

Be blessed...you know Whose you are! Keep your heart full of Him, not your hurts.

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. James 1:19,20 (NIV)

AWESOME

I use my time in my car to pray, particularly after dropping my girls off at school for the day. One day last week we had an especially beautiful sky. For some reason, I looked up at that sky (yes, while driving) and said, "God, you made the sky, and thank you for that. It gives me hope, that the place where storms threaten is the same place that rainbows appear. That's pretty cool, the way you blend those two together, much like our lives down here. Full of storms, but full of rainbows. That is just so AWESOME!" And then I said out loud to myself, "Wow. That came out of nowhere. I need to blog that!" Yes, I sometimes converse with myself. And you don't? Oh please! :)

I am a chronic skywatcher, and I like to think that God speaks to us in nature more than anywhere else. Yesterday while working outside with my family, I looked up and went completely speechless. Flying just low enough for us to get a close look, was an eagle! I am such a nerd about these things and blurted out, "OOH! It's an eagle. It's so, so, regal!" The girls just laughed at me and said, "regal? really, mom?"
Yes, regal. And so was the young eagle it was training. I was amazed and completely mesmerized by the sight, as I often am in nature. An eagle is a rare sight here, though neighbor Bill talks about seeing them all the time. And each time he sees them he is marveled by the sight. Neighbor Bill is amazed by God too!

And on those cool mornings where the sky is a brilliant pink for just a little while, and the birch trees stand out against it....breathless. The days I see Mama Doe and her kiddos....precious. The wind whistling through the white pines, and the sounds of birds singing at the first sign of dusk. Those are beautiful things, and they are all because of God. His idea. His creation with His hands. AWESOME. Are there any other adequate words to describe that?

Probably not, but I am grateful for the many ways God uses nature to take my breath away. For the times nature comforts me in ways people never could. For making this world with all its ills a very beautiful place to spend our time. For soothing a bad day with a sunset, and for the laughter only chipmunks can produce. For all the grains of sand in the ocean and for the stars in the sky. Grateful and amazed. Entertained by and loved through nature each and every moment of our lives! He did it for me and He did it for you just because he loves us!

Thank you, God for your AWESOME creation. I can only imagine just how beautiful Heaven will be....

The World of Worry

I don't think I worried about much at all before I became a parent. I was happy to be married and living with my beloved. I was carefree, going to work and coming home each day, worrying only about hitting a deer on the way home. Together we didn't worry too much about our bills, in fact, we didn't even have a credit card for the first few years of our marriage! Unheard of now, I would guess. We had a nice home with plans to fill it with children, plenty of time to do whatever we wanted to do, and a healthy family around us. Our biggest "worry" was what we were going to do that weekend!

How things would change over just a few years! When we decided to plan our family, the worries started. We couldn't conceive for a long time. We decided to do all kinds of rebellious things, like get a dog, get braces for me, and maybe get a jeep and have fun with that. We even toyed with the idea of white carpeting! No kids, no mess. OOps....forgot about that dog we got..

So with our wait for children, we worried. Then she blessed us, and we worried. She arrived. We worried. And worried. And worried. Every fever, every rash, every cry, every everything. Worry worry worry. And it wasn't much fun at all! The worrying, I mean, of course.

Child number two came and brought us new worries. Would we be good parents to two now? Could we give them enough? And on and on the worries came. If only I knew then what I know now....can't we all say that?

My worries are so much more based in reality now. Our parents are getting older, our dog has passed. Our kids are growing up. Can we do this? Are we messing it all up? Will we look back at these days and tell our young selves we were being silly just like before?

I have many well-meaning and wise friends tell me not to worry about anything but to pray about everything. Philippians 4:6,7, I believe, said it first. As I get older, and life gets harder, it is harder to worry. Yes, I just said that! I'm not saying I don't worry. I'm saying I know better now. I do better now. Worrying says I have little trust in the God who is taking care of it all. If I look back at the past, worrying didn't serve me or anyone else well. If I use what I know, then I should know not to worry. Right?

As with anything, it's easier said than done. It's not so much that I worry about what God is doing. It's more that I worry that I won't accept it as quickly as I should. I guess that's a normal human response. I sometimes equate a no worry attitude with a lack of concern. I suppose it takes a delicate balance, and I trust God is going to help me through that. After all, if I trust Him, then what do I have to worry about?

Happenin's

The last few weeks have been peppered with a few little fun things and a few little not-so-fun things. But, I'm going to tell you about the fun stuff because that will make you happy!

We(well, mostly me) enjoy visiting orchards, pumpkin farms, and farm stands. I would much rather do that than be stuck in a movie theater, shopping mall, or the like. I'm an outdoorsy kinda chick. It's really where it's at, you know what I mean? I hope you do!

We headed up to close up the family cottage up north a few weeks ago. It was a beautiful warm fall day and the lake was gorgeous. The fall colors were surrounding the lake and reflecting on the water. We even saw an eagle fly over. Norman Rockwell, eat your heart out! And the peace and quiet...just can't beat it!

The apple trees were just loaded this year. We set to work picking all of those apples, and I've gotta tell you, I don't think I've had that much fun in way too long. My parents met us up there, so it was the 6 of us, shaking trees, laughing over getting hit in the head with apples, and some of us climbing the trees to reach the unreachable ones! We filled baskets, boxes, huge bags, shopping bags, sweatshirt pockets! In other words, we have enough apples to feed us and the deer for a long time! I have to say, the best apple sauce I ever made came from one of the lakeside trees. It is just luscious!

Natalie said something about the day we spent up north and it warmed the very cockles of my fall-loving heart. "Mom, that was the best day I've ever had. I felt like a kid. I climbed trees all day and had so much fun. i didn't have to think about anything."

"I felt like a kid". Where did that come from, I wondered. And then I remembered being 13. I was halfway between being a kid and an adult. I knew it was time to choose one or the other. Who wants to grow up? I still don't sometimes! It warmed and cracked my heart a bit, knowing my little girl is becoming a young woman right before my eyes. I hope she has many more "tree-climbing" days ahead!

We made a trip to Frankenmuth the weekend after that. It's one of our favorite places to go as a family. We went with the intention of just enjoying the atmosphere, not spending a bunch of money. It's amazing how making that intentional statement changes the outcome of the day. The girls don't normally ask us for stuff anyway, but the expectations were set. They knew we weren't going for the $100 chicken dinner this time. We were going for a yummy cookie, an inch of fudge, and a nice walk around a fun place. I am proud that the girls know how to just enjoy a beautiful day in a beautiful place. Simple as that.

Last weekend we picked our own apples from our "vintage" apple trees. I call them that because they are soooo old that we can't even identify the apples. This time I got clubbed in the head and the back with super hard apples! It was still a blast, spending time with my family, doing something simple. We are so blessed to have built a home so close to all of these apple trees. God must have planned that, knowing how much I love orchards! I like to think that anyway.

We took the girls to probably our last trip to Uncle John's Cider Mill. I enjoy it, but the girls have outgrown all the fun kiddy stuff they have. We took a hayride, a carriage ride, watched the cider press, listened to the band, ate cider and donuts, and that was that. The girls were kind of bored. So much for enjoying beauty on a pretty day. As they grow up, we are finding it harder to find things they enjoy. We just have to work a bit harder to incorporate the things they like to do. It's a challenge we knew would come one day. I for one, am not giving up on pumpkin farms. i still love them and I'm old!! (sort of old)

Last night we attended Natalie's volleyball tournament. It was a nail-biting, heart-pounding, pant-peeing game!! Those girls just blew us away. They started out a bit rattled and lost the first one, but then came back and amazed us. And yes, my dear Natalie got to play, and she served like a champ! She has really worked hard to earn her play time and we are so proud of her! Basketball practice starts today...no breaks for the wicked!! I can't wait for more games. Guess I'd better take my heart medication and maybe wear a diaper. I'm too young for Depends. :)

Until You Read Again

"Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls."
Mother Theresa

"Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience." Victoria Holt.

"Win as if you're used to it. Lose as if you enjoyed it for a change." Erick Golnick

"I'm taking a break from my blog."
Jami

The Joyce Choice

"Don't ask God for something and then expect it out of someone else."

"When you've been hurt, there's a feeling of "someone owes me!". But people can't pay you. You can't try to collect from people. Let God be your vindicator. Get your eyes off people and the world. Put your hope in the Lord and expect something from Him, not people."


"The world isn't going to change, so we have to change. Don't waste time trying to rearrange everything and everyone to suit us."


Just a few quotes of wisdom from Joyce Meyer today.

These Past Three Weeks

My daughter said it in a sentence to me just this afternoon...

"Mom, what is this world coming to anyway??"

Good question. In the past three weeks, we have lost 2 friends, a pastor, and several people in our church have fallen ill in some serious way.

I had to explain some devastating news to my daughters who had never heard the word "infidelity" before. Yes. That's what this world is coming to. Gone are the days of being secure in your relationships or the picture of the people you know. Shock. Distrust. Confusion. Sadness. That's what our world came to in just three short weeks.

And yet, life goes on. You go to school, do some laundry, attend the volleyball games and church as if nothing has changed. You tuck your kids in at night and assure them that they are loved, and that yes, mom and dad are committed to each other and they don't have to worry about that scary word they just heard. Shaken. Battered. But not destroyed. Someone else's crisis/mistake/pain is always shared. Dropped. Poured. Slammed. And innocent people are always in its path.

How do I answer that question my daughter asked today? Tears in her eyes. Anger over the news she had just heard. Confused by what she heard as truth about someone she trusted. Scared over the many sicknesses in our church. I answered her the only way I could.

God will take care of this. His way. His time. And while He is working on that, He will take care of your feelings about it. He will make this right with those who have been wronged. He will forgive. He will love. He will replace. He will restore. He will heal. He will hear. And he will never give us more than we can bear. He has overcome this world, and one day we will too.

Sometimes it would be easier to shelter the kids from the ills of the world, but the truth is, until they see the ills of the world, it's hard for them to see just how strong their God really is. When there is trouble, His power is revealed. So, I guess we can't complain about troubles.It's just hard when your kids get old enough to know what this world is really about. It makes their dad and I hug them a bit tighter, a bit longer, and for more reasons than they even know.

17 Big Blessings

Tomorrow, hubby and I will celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary! So far, it looks like we'll be spending it alone, however, you never know. We've had sick kids, a death in the family, a sick dog, and been sick ourselves....all on our anniversary in prior years!

It sure hasn't stopped us from knowing we've got something special. We are each other's best friends and have been since the day we met 23 years ago this month.

I'll spare you the mushy stuff that's in my heart right now, because you just couldn't handle it! :) Just know that true love is possible. God does know who and what is best for you. He will bring the right person to you if He hasn't already. Our secret to lasting love? Don't just keep each other first. Make sure God is at the head of your marriage and your household.

And have fun together, just like we will on Saturday. We're heading out with no plans. Just hanging out together, going for walks, stopping for a bucket of chicken or two, and maybe we'll shake some apples out of some trees. We never know. Whatever we do, we're just going to do it together and have a great day!

That's just how it is when you're in love, I guess.....

A Walk in the Fall

I have discovered a wonderful thing. I love to walk. Not only do I love to walk, I love to walk fast and for long distances. I'm no longer afraid of the pain in my joints or the risk of a bursitis flare up. I've thumbed my nose at all of that. I just love to walk.

With my favorite season upon me, my walking has been like medicine on many levels. I take my time to sort out feelings, bring things to God, run over my plan for the day, and most days....I just breathe. I passed two horses today whose heads turned as I made my way past. They snuffed at me, and kept grazing, never taking their eyes off me. I watched a hawk swoop down over the path in front of me, likely spotting its kill. I scared off chipmunk after chipmunk, then spooked myself when coming upon 2 brown snakes. EEK!

The noises in the woods are both frightening and amazing. I heard rustling in the scrub beside me, some kind of weird chirping, and the sounds of many acorns hitting the forest floor. I know it sounds corny, but there is nothing like feeling "at one with nature". Everything else melts away. It's better than a bath, if you ask me.

I focus on the sound of my breathing, the sounds around me, including the seven polite "hellos" I received today. People on walks are pleasant. They're getting just what they need too. Our bodies are getting plenty of oxygen, our spirits are being renewed, and our minds are focused on something we often take for granted-beauty. And maybe the best thing we give ourselves in that moment is just the simple gift of time.

The trees are ablaze right now. It seems a bit early, but I'll take it, combined with this warm, balmy weather. One of my favorite things to do in fall is to go for a walk and let the leaves hit me as I pass under the trees. I have tried to catch them, but it eludes me so far. I must be a true tree hugger, as I can't get enough of trees right now! I could go on a million walks and still crave more. Call me a nut, that's okay. They come from trees too!

Take a few minutes to breathe while the weather is still being kind to us. Let God's beauty in nature wash over you the way it washes over me on my walks. Walk your lunch hour or just sit outside in a chair with your eyes closed. You will feel like a new person!

"Only the Humble Can Live in Harmony"

"Humility is a virtue that should be sought after more than any other", says Joyce Meyer.

Being thankful for what we have, trusting God, being grateful and humble leads to a peaceful, contented heart.

Thinking someone or something owes you because you think you deserve it all, or you're more important or more powerful, etc...will only lead to unhappiness. It's not until you become less that you will become more.

I start my day with this statement, "God, I am nothing without you."

And I end my day with thanks for my blessings:

1. God's presence in my life
2. Steve
3. My girls
4. My family
5. My Christian friends
6. Nature
7. Peace

What are you thankful for and how can focusing on that change the way you deal with others? Will it help you become more humble? For the humble are the ones who can really make a difference and they're the ones who have the most perfect harmony. Just something to think about today.

To Bear or Not to Bear

I just finished yet another book that not only touched my heart but stirred my soul into action. In "Having a Mary Spirit" by Joanna Weaver, I learned that I am not alone in my struggles to do the right thing when I'd rather not.

Well-adjusted, Bible reading Christians faced with adversity have choices when dealing with conflict. They can respond correctly or react incorrectly. Seems easy to just have 2 choices, right? It's not.

This particular chapter, "Wearing Jesus" had a cute analogy I have been thinking a lot about these past couple of weeks as I've been forced to "bear" with an unbearable situation.

"if you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could get used to that. And another thing: before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. That wouldn't bother me either. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business; you swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. Your husband expects you to growl when you wake up. He expects you to have hairy legs and excess body fat. He likes it. I wish I were a bear!"
(from bible.org...author unknown)

Or, you can go with God's Word...which says something a lot smarter, but not as funny:

"...Bear with one another and forgive whatever grievances you may have against another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."
Colossians 3:12

A Week From Heaven

If you read my last post, you probably have guessed I had a pretty rough one last week! Let's just say it was a week of many tests, beginning with some disturbing news that I can't share just yet.

It then progressed into a series of attacks by people I thought trusted me. By people I thought I trusted! The week continued to get hammered by right hooks, double crosses, and negative negative stuff. The week ended with me slumped in a chair, exhausted, bewildered, and drained.

It's not the details of all that transpired that are important. It's not even the outcome that matters. In sharing this, I hope to only show that what you learn while going through the fire is all that really matters. I am still learning! The ashes are still flying aimlessly around my head, I guess.

When faced with three unexpected and unsettling issues all in a matter of days, I did what most anyone would do. I got mad. I cried. I called my mom. I walked for miles in search of stress relief. I lost sleep. I affected my friends, who instead of getting smiley me got Job instead! I leaned heavily on my rock-solid, best friend of a husband, who steadied me with his calm and sensible spirit. He stood in front of me and took verbal beatings intended for me. While part of me wanted him to do some knock down drag out punching, the sensible me was thankful for his diplomatic maturity.

More importantly, I turned to God and I asked for things I don't normally want or even have to think about. I asked Hiim to help me turn the other cheek.I asked Him to guard my mouth so I wouldn't say things I would later regret. I prayed for my offenders. I trusted that His will was good where my unexpected news was concerned. I asked Him to help me humble myself, and I waited for Him to lift me back up. (James 4:10) I sang all the lyrics to the songs on my Christian station, calling out "AMEN!" when I felt particularly lifted. I sought out guidance from people I trust without feeling the need to blabber every detail in order to validate myself. (quite tempting when someone has thrown you under a bus)

I tried to remember that while the offense began with a person, there was a more dangerous force behind these attacks. I know we have a "roaring lion who seeks to destroy" all we hold dear, including our relationships. Especially our relationship with God. (1Peter 5:8) I know that certain people are a greater target than others, and whenever a Christian is getting somewhere with a non-Christian, trouble brews.

I found so much comfort in Scripture through it all. Probably one of the best Scriptures I turned to post-crisis was Psalm 119:66, and I just kept reading and standing on its truths.

I know God wants me to forgive those who came against me, but I can't do it without His divine help. This woman in the flesh (Flesh Woman) wants to replay it in her head over and over, while the Word of God eats it up like a Pac Man game. Flesh woman doesn't want to think well of them right now, but God's word says to pray for your enemies, and so I do. The more I let go of the offense, the better witness for Christ I will be, and so I let Him help me. My main concern through this whole thing was not to lose these people for Christ. I kept asking the question, "What will the eternal consequence be if you react the way your irishness is telling you to react?" If I "flesh this out" with them, will they see Christ in me at all? Will they see something they want for themselves? Probably not, and so I took off my "flesh woman" unhero costume and I put back on the armor of God.

Isn't it easy to be a Christian when everything is going your way? When you have everything you want and all your friends believe as you do? When it's all sunshine and rainbows and puppy dog tails? When you never have to stick your toe in a fallen world and your head is stuck clearly in the sand? Only in a polly-stinkin-anna world no one lives in for real.

When faced with trials, your true (and my true) character comes out. You can't help but let what's in your heart come out of your mouth. You just better hope what's in your heart is good and pure and not crap, to be honest. And if there's a little crap in there, then get on your knees (as I was on mine) and ask God to sponge you clean again.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything". James 1:1-4

So, did I have a week of this promised "joy"? No! But I did have a week like no other, spent with my Father, thanking Him for walking through the fire before me and with me. For allowing me to mature in Him, and for providing so many wonderful Christian examples who quickly came to mind that week. Each time I go through these things, I am growing and changing, and I know it's all for His good and perfect plan for me.

AMEN!

Divine Intervention Defined

For me to ask people for advice or to pray for me, I have to be pretty desperate. I don't usually ask for help at all. I'm not even sure if the person who called me even reads my blog, but she helped me a great deal that day. Here's what happened after my post:

* My husband texted me two Bible verses, both of which were perfect for what I was feeling. Not only is he a sweet blessing, but having him deliver God's Word to me at that time was even sweeter. And no, he hadn't read my blog yet that day. For you curious ones, it was 2 Thess.1:6. and Psalm 55:22.

* I dove into the Word of God that day and found knowledge and peace. I copied down verses. I sang along to a song that seemed to be written for my exact feelings. I read James 4:10- "Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will lift you up."

* I prayed and I felt I was being heard. My words were not my own.

* I prayed over an object of Natalie's before I picked her up at school.

* Leaving details out, Natalie told me some surprising things that had happened that day. I was amazed and when I told her about my day with God, she was amazed too. We were both a bit verklempt.

* Because I confided in a friend, not worrying about what she'd think, she and I have become closer friends! Also an answered prayer.

* The prayer that I spoke that day asked for things that most of us don't want to do or admit. I prayed for those who hurt me, I prayed for humility, and I asked for forgiveness for my anger, and I prayed a blessing over the whole situation.

Let me just say that God reads my blog. He comments too. He is my Ultimate Friend and I am His follower. I praised Him all day for the many blessings He freely gives, and for the answered prayers in such a short period of time. I thanked him for pulling me near by allowing crisis in my life. Not an easy one at all.

The situation as a whole may or may not change, but I've asked God to keep my attitude the same no matter what. I will do as I did for my daughter and picture his beautiful face and hands spread out over every place she puts her feet. I will raise my girls to know where to turn when no one else may "get it".

And now on to the next crisis, right? It's just the way life is. And thank God that we're not alone through them all. And I thank the dear friend who reminded me, "Bury it and don't go back and dig it up!"

"Check ABS System....Soon"

I'm not a typically angry person. At least I didn't think so until recently. I'm usually pretty level-headed. I don't think I have a short temper. Turns out, I'm a hothead AND I'm delusional about it.

I was never a hothead until I had children, and before you think I'm going to blame my kids for tossing me over the edge, they play into it in a much different way altogether. (Run-on sentences. Make me so mad!)

Without telling you the details, I will say that situations that involve the unfair treatment of my kids is what triggers this hidden anger. As it turns out, my anger is just repressed hurt feelings. Yep. I admitted it. My anger is just me being hurt. And years of pushing it down and ignoring it or moving on without dealing with it have turned me into a sparkplug, just waiting for my ignition flame. Though I've never unleashed the beast on a person, my poor family has to endure the fallout that is me high on pain.

I thought about this as I left the school today, annoyed that Serena wanted me to move my van three times before she chose the spot in which she wanted to be dropped. I heard a couple bells go off in my van. Yes, real bells. I looked down and this was my message, "Check ABS System". While I'm sure my van meant for me to check my anti-lock braking system, I thought to myself, "I need to put on the brakes in myself". It's me. I'm the one who needs the tune up.

I wasn't angry at Serena, yet my anger over the past week has built into a solid pile of steaming poo, making me sensitive to anything annoying. I usually pray in the car on the way home, but today my lips stayed in a firm line as I actually made fun of the overly cheerful radio announcer on my Christian station. Surely she doesn't have the problems I have, I thought. Wouldn't it be nice to just hide out in the safe radio booth and be all happy all day? Why, she probably doesn't even have kids yet! What does SHE have to worry about? The world isn't pooping all over her kids, right?? Right??

It's that kind of stinkin' thinkin' that keeps me in chains. And yet, I continue to make the same mistakes, letting my mind take over the truths that are in my heart. I turned to my Bible last night in Romans (no coincidence) and I was reminded again, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." (Romans 12:2) And then again in 12:14..."bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse."

Tears came to my eyes as I thought about my outburst reactions to the same problem this past week. I did some cursing alright, and I don't mean the curse word type. In my anger I wanted justice! I wanted those who were being unfair to us to be treated unfairly so they could know how rotten they are! I was mad that the same things keep happening and we always seem to be on the short end of it! So unfair! Shouldn't they get theirs?? Can I see it when it happens, if it happens? And when? Come on!!

Then onto more verses in Romans...17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "it is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord."

Again, I spoke out in part frustration, part flesh, and I said, "Yeah, I know. I have to be a Christian. I have to take the high road. I have to be Christlike. I have to be an example. I have to, I have to, I have to"...and then it crept in again...what about them??

So you see, anger has its ugly hold on me. It's going to take a lot more than just a few verses in Romans to straighten this hothead out. It may take tears, forgiveness, acceptace, humility, brownies, and lots of listening to God. He's the potter and I'm the clay, and I'm a bit hard to work these days, evidently.

If I've done anything right in this situation, I've admitted that the feelings I have over this particular issue are rooted in love and justice. Love for my daughter and what is important to her. Wanting her to be treated fairly. I have a great responsibility as her mom, and I want to help her in every possible way in every possible situation. She has taught me plenty by being gracious, thankful, and keeping a sweet and positive attitude through it all. It makes me cry to see that even though I'm an angry dope, my daughters are nothing but loving and kind. Not angry at all.

So today as I pull out my fall decorations, finish off my birthday cake, and smell the lovely Downy wafting through my backyard, I will again open my heart and let God work in me. Good thing He's not too busy. We'll be having quite a long appointment today.

Love you, my friends, and please learn from me. If you have any advice on how you deal with injustice(particularly with kids) and anger, please share either here or privately. I learn so much from you. If you have no advice and I still come to your mind, please shoot up a prayer for me. Thanks....I really need the help.

Home for Another Day

This world is just not for me. Though there are some things I'm quite fond of, I could take this world and leave it. Before you think I'm suicidal, I'm just referring to another concept in the book I'm reading. I always thought it was a bit weird of myself to be thinking that way. I thought "there must be something wrong with me!"

I have a longing for heaven, that's all. A place where there is no pain. Where comfort will be given. Where I can either dance or cry in appreciation with my Creator. I don't like it here. Too much trouble. Too much pain. Too much injustice. Too stifling. Too "worldy".

While it may sound suicidal, it's perfectly normal to have a longing for heaven. After all, that is where we originated from in the first place. We just want to go home. Home is a place you feel loved, safe, secure, and understood. Heaven. Our original home. Our original Father.

Until then, I will just enjoy the beauty my Creator put here on earth for me to enjoy until I go "home" forever.

Talk about your "Longings"

It's Friday night. Steve's making yet another batch of salsa verde while watching the latest football game. The girls are sprawled out in various directions watching Spongebob, much to my disappointment. Marathon football. Marathon Spongebob. Marathon boredom.

And what am I doing? I've been waiting for this night for 7 whole days. I long for Friday nights when the school week is done and I have the weekend in close view. I have all these visions of the perfect Friday night, and none of them involve sitting at my computer blogging. And none of them involve watching sports or spongebob on tv. Believe me.

So while I'm talking about longings, my own have been coming into sharper view. I'm really tired of the same ole same ole that I live each and every day. Though I appreciate my life, I do ask that question, "is this it?" I'm getting older by the minute. Shouldn't I be having some fun? Whoopin' it up? Wearing cute jeans?

Is God using this longing of a more exciting life to draw me to Him? Probably. He's saying, "There's not much in this world that tops Me, my dear. Not football, not Spongebob, not a night out on the town, not a new pair of jeans. Just me."

So while I long for more fun on my Friday nights, God wants me to long for Him. God wins again.

I do long for Him. I long for Him to speak to me in a voice I can hear. To put my heart at ease when I'm having a restless night. To give me a passion for Him that matches nothing else in this world. And so I blog. And I long. And I wait for the holes to fill. With nothing but Him.

Longings

Don't ya just love it when someone's all into some book they're reading and they go into these long lectures all about the book and how great it is? Well,if you don't "just love that", then stop reading now. That was your one and only warning today, my friend.

I'm making my way through chapter 3 of my Fresh Brewed Life book that I mentioned the other day. The title of the chapter is "Listen to Your Longings". These aren't your chocolate brownie longings, longings for thinner thighs, or a perfect internet connection. Oops...maybe I was a bit too honest there.

Nicole Johnson, the author, says some pretty important things about those longings we all have. Listen to this:

"God has designed us to want more out of life, and we won't be satisfied until we get it. We cry out to God over this, "how long must I wait, O Lord?" Still, we are left longing. This feels like a no-win situation. Are longings one big cosmic set-up for frustration? Perhaps, if we view them as something to be overcome or eradicated. If we spend more time trying to get them "filled up". But if we lean in close, and put our ears to the chest of our soul and listen to our longings- they can teach us to understand God and ourselves in a way that would not happen if we were to be permitted to have everything we long for. It's true. What we don't have shapes us more than what we do have. We are like Swiss cheese, and those holes are actually supposed to be there. The holes are the things that make us who we are. The holes are the places God has reserved in us for Himself! The longings identify our real hunger. A hunger that drives us to Him to be satisfied. If...big if...we listen."

So what's a longing anyway? The author defines it as an empty place in your life that hasn't been filled. It may be a longing for more enjoyment, more passion, more love, more hope, more rest. What they tell us is that there isn't enough on this earth to fill us up. That's why a vacation only satisfies us for a short time before we're in desperate need for another.

Ignoring those longings can change you in a way that makes you pretty unrecognizable to yourself and others. This was my own observation, based on what the author desribed in the book. Someone who is afraid to follow their longings becomes more of a spectator than a participant in her own life. She may become critical, jealous, envious, fearful, disappointed. The thing about longings is that they don't go away on their own. We have a choice. Deal with them or shove them away. Risk the pain that may come with them or run from it.

It's okay to have longings. It's okay to want more. It's okay to pursue them. It's the way we're made.

(From the author again) "At this point, some people would say, "DIE TO YOURSELF! THAT is the Christian thing to do!!...It's funny that women want to go straight to "die to yourself" without knowing what "self" they are even dying to. Then it isn't a laying down of their lives, but a complete avoidance of pain. God gave us longings to DRAW US TO HIM. He does not intend to cut us off from them." Oh, that passage just sang to me.

When I think of my own list of longings, I realize that achieving just one could bring me closer to the purpose that God has for me. When you look at it this way, pursuing your longings is a direct connection to what God has planned for your life, not just a self-driven goal. Why is it just because you want something, you feel selfish or guilty about it? And why are there people who want to make you feel that way? If God gave us longings, he had a good reason. Maybe instead of pushing what we want away, we should match up what we want with what we know God wants for us. See if they fit. If it doesn't, let it go. If it does, pursue it with passion.

Longings can become a stronghold or a fixation, for sure. They can make us crazy. The author defines them as "inconvenient, uncomfortable, embarrassing at best, uncontrollable, revealing, terrifying, and potentially devastating at worst. They cause us pain and fear. The interrupt our lives with their nagging and persistence and keep us from feeling contented with what we have...but longings are part of being alive. When we try to cut them off, we are trying to keep ourselves safe from life."

I like this author. I like that she's not all buttoned up and polished, carefully choosing her words to please the average Christian. I like that she's brutally honest with the reader, but mostly herself. She reveals how journaling brings out the raw honesty in herself, not that smiling polite Christian we often see at church or in the mirror. When we're honest about who we are, primarily to ourselves, we become clay all over again.

This book opens my eyes better than a strong cup of joe. I hope you'll stick with me on this one!

"Bat to School"

The first day of school started out June Cleaver-style,of course. Lots of singing, a beautifully prepared breakfast, 2 shiny-faced, smiling girls in plaid skirts and sparkling shoes. And here's where you hear the proverbial record scratch sound...SCREECH!! And hit replay...

The first day of school started at midnight, because Serena was having trouble sleeping, of course. So, morning came with 2 sleepy-faced girls in pajamas. No singing. No plaid. Bare shuffling feet.

Natalie had asked me to double french braid her hair so it could be "kinky" in the morning. A style we have done many times over the summer, making it a sure thing that it would turn out, right? Wrong. Not when you're 13 and life depends on the perfect hairstyle for the first day of school!! After missing her hot breakfast, she spent the next 30 minutes lamenting over her hair, tears in her eyes to boot. We left the house with straight hair, running 10 minutes behind schedule. It was all I could do to keep myself from saying all the things that were in my head. I kept my travel mug full of coffee, dreaming of the peace I'd find at 8:30 when I arrived back home. Alone.

I spent my day doing my usual housekeeping, including a chocolate chip cookie baking session, a tradition for the first day of school. Nothing a little cookie dough can't fix in a harried mom, right? Talked to my friend for a very long time, did a little exercise. Ahhh...who needs Calgon anyway.

At the end of the school day I picked Nat up first, anxious to hear about her day. "Everyone loves my hair!" She exclaimed, before saying anything else. Oh, to be 13 and have your life be all about hair. I miss those days. Oh, wait, I didn't care about my hair until....well, maybe I never did. She then went on to tell me how great it was to sit at the "round" tables this year, and who sat with her, who this and who that. And how is "actual school", I asked. "Oh, it's the same as last year." And the "who's" aren't?, I secretly wondered.

Serena's pick up was a bit more exciting. She jumped in the van, wearing her black motorcycle jacket, a consignment find that "blew her mind". "How was the first day of sixth grade?" I asked with a mom smile.
"oh, it's the same as last year," she replied, adding, "and everyone loved my hair!" not knowing her sister had just said that same thing. Then she went on to tell me some exciting news.

"Mom, we were just sitting there in homeroom, and all of the sudden, Mrs. X went to her knees, covered her head, and yelled, "AHHH..it's a bird!!" The kids looked around in confusion, then one kid called out, "No, it's not a bird. It's a BAT!" Somehow a bat had made its way into a kid's locker. It then was awakened by that kid, causing it to fly into the hallway and into Serena's homeroom . The janitor came, trash cans in tow, hoping to catch Batman's best friend. Serena laughed as she told me how he chased it around the class, swinging the trash cans in the air. The kids watched in enjoyment rather than in fear, as their teacher cowered under her desk, leaving them to fight for themselves!

And so it goes, we are back to school. Back to crazy schedules. Back to studying. Back to sports, grades, and homework. And me? I'm back to being by myself. Eating bon bons. Watching soaps. Talking on the phone. And pulling all of your legs.

Shoot

On Saturday, we went to get more corn to freeze and to scout out more photo shoot locations. Our nephew James was coming on Sunday for me to do his senior pictures, so I wanted to have an idea of where to take them. Serena was my willing subject, so we spent a somewhat rainy afternoon shooting pictures in many locations.

Sunday was spent with James and his mom, going from place to place, shooting all kinds of pictures. When all was said and done, I took over 300 pictures! He's quite athletic (ripped, I guess they call it), so we took lots of "muscle poses". It was fun for me, having shot mostly girls so far. It was a 6 hour photo shoot, though, and I was whipped at the end of it. Steve was my trusty assistant. In fact, he was the one who inspired me to get into photography years ago when his own photos blew me away! He took lots of great pics of James too...and captured him well.

The most important thing was that we all had a laughter-filled day, and James loves all of his pictures! I have enjoyed getting to know our nieces and nephews by being allowed to photograph them. It really is a great way to learn their personalities. It was great practice for me too. I've been told many many times to make it my profession. I don't know...I think I like having fun with it and not calling it a "job" so far.

A Fresh-Brewed Life

I'm reading a new book! Okay, it's not so new. In fact, it was published in 1999, but it's new to me! It's called Fresh-Brewed Life (A stirring invitation to wake up your soul) by Nicole Johnson. I actually purchased it at a friend's garage sale, and was drawn to the steaming coffee cup on the cover!

I'm still a fairly new coffee drinker, having only been drinking the stuff for maybe 2 years now. Some days I still taste it and go, "AAAAACK! Why do I drink this stuff??" Some days I wrap my hands around my mug, hunker down in my chair and let it soothe me with it's creamy vanilla-ness.

So this book is a big metaphor, one of them being that we are the coffee beans, life is the grinder, and God is the water. I'm kind of a sucker for neat metaphors, so this one has my full attention. It's funny too that some days my coffee is perfect, and some days it's toilet water, just like life at times.

One of the points that "woke me up" in Chapter one, Surrender to God, was that "Christian life is not about trying harder. It is not about keeping it all together. It is about trusting in the One who can keep it all together." And yet another point reminds me that we are loved, for reasons we don't even know, but we don't have to DO anything to be loved. If God loved us because we were smart, then we'd be trying too hard to be smarter. If he loved us because we were beautiful, we'd be trying too hard to be pretty. Nope. He just loves us. And we don't know why. Isn't that a kick?

Well, sometimes coffee can be a kick too. I'm still not 100% in love with Juan Valdez, but I'm really liking this book!

"Natalie Faint"

Steve and I took the girls in for their necessary vaccinations yesterday. This is not one of our favorite days, as Miss Natalie has pretty bad anxiety over getting shots. She always requests dad's presence, so for as long as she's been getting shots, Steve always comes for moral support. When we arrived, we were told that we had to wait until the doctor was in for the day. This meant waiting about 30 more minutes. So we found something else to do awhile, then went back in. When we arrived, 2 others were also getting vaccinations, which turned out to be the last 2 doses they had of one in particular! So, we waited another half hour to get 2 out of the 4 shots they needed. Nat seemed fine in the waiting room, though I know she was anxious.

They headed back, leaving me to wait in the waiting room. It seems they were back there forever, and so I read a bit, and watched people come and go. At one point I heard a loud crash, and pictured a drug rep dropping a big box of flomax, or some other weird-sounding drug.

Minutes after the crashing sound, the girls came back into the waiting room, Natalie being led by the nurse. "Well, mom, you've got a fainter!" she said with an uneasy smile. "And she hit her head on the desk on the way down, so we're watching for signs of a concussion." Smile gone. Crash sound identified! Not a box of drugs, but a box of my Natalie!

Apparently she said she felt a bit dizzy, and then she just dropped, hitting her head on the way down. It took awhile (probably just seconds) to bring her back around, but the nurse handled it expertly. Natalie woke up confused and laughing, saying "what's going on? This is so weird!"

She was still feeling a bit whoozy in the waiting room, almost having another fainting episode. Her blood pressure dipped way down and she broke out into a hot clammy sweat! Her face was completely white and she seemed a bit confused.

Obviously her anxiety over the shots had been building up not just for days, but for years! Apparently, she remembered me telling her years ago that she'd have to have more shots in 5 years. She admitted that every birthday, she'd panic, knowing she was closer to getting those dreaded shots! Funny thing is, the shots don't even hurt! She said it herself. It's just the idea of it all, I guess. The poor kid just worried herself silly and after it was done, she just let go.

She's fine now and has no signs of a concussion, just a bit sore from the fall. We told her we were changing her name from "Natalie Faith" to "Natalie Faint". That got a big smile out of her! The bad news is, we're on a waiting list for the last 2 shots. We have to go back!! How I will ever get grandchildren out of her, I will never know! :)

We followed our day with lunch and school shopping, which seemed to make us all feel a bit better about the day.

Future Flyer

I'm not just a mom. I figured it out. I'm a life coach. Although my own life could use some attention, tweaking, and improving, my role lately is to coach the lives of my daughters.

Natalie's primary interest (besides fashion, of course) is music. The girl has a guitar in her hand for at least a couple hours a day. She's learning some new song, improving her voice, and, as she puts it, "trying to make her fingers bleed". We encourage her in every possible way. She is learning about famous guitarists, music styles, different genres, and the different types of music equipment. She's learning to push her voice a bit, and finding her pitch. It has been a joy to sit in my own house and be treated to a concert nearly every night. Serena knows how to harmonize, and will jump in with her sweet voice or rhythym.

Serena's primary interest has always been writing. She learned to read at a very early age, and naturally, she learned to write early as well. Her kindergarten teacher had her writing and publishing her own stories while the rest of the class learned to read. As she's gotten older, her writing has changed, and so we've been working on writing skills. Today we spent a whole afternoon outside with a table and chairs in the shade, working on one of her stories. It was a bit strained at first, as she handed me her story premise. I simply stated the title, then reiterated what I thought the story was about. She immediately got defensive and frustrated. Whoa! When I calmly asked her where that was coming from, she said, "I've never shared these stories with anyone." Okay, she's protective of her work, but mostly of her fragile ego. She wasn't ready to hear any criticism, and I had to assure her that I had none for her anyway! Okay, she's a typical sensitive artsy type. Well noted.

On other days, the girls and I work on fashion and hair tips, usually with me french braiding so they can have "kinky" hair. I help put outfits together, using their style, not mine. I help clear up acne, snuff out cramps, find the best shampoo for unruly hair, cure nosebleeds, pre-watch every movie they request, and help them with sticky social situations.

I teach them about God, Jesus, and the Bible. I remind them of our family values, and help them to follow them through. I show them how to serve a volleyball, a tennis ball, and hang clothes on the line. I show them how to fold a tee shirt, can tomatoes, and cook various things. I give them short cuts on chores, and help them budget money. I show them the proper way to do a pushup, the best way to get a stain out, and how to answer the phone politely.

And back to me....while I try to sort out what it is I even know how to do anymore, I will be empowering my girls to do it all. While I will wonder what would have happened had I been able to finish college, I will be helping them to pick out schools and majors. And in the middle of it all, somewhere, I will have to find a way to sprout some of my own wings so I will have some flying to do when they leave my nest, wings strong and intact.

Mom. Life coach, and future flyer....well, let's hope.

The Making of a Strong Girl

After a recent "turn the other cheek" episode in Serena's life, we've been addressing some hot-button issues regarding friendships. We've struggled with friendship issues since about 1st grade, sadly. It seems some girls want to have only one friend, and some of those girls want to be friends with Serena. Only problem is, Serena likes to have many friends. Next problem, her friends like her, but not each other. They gossip about each other, getting mad at Serena when she doesn't join in. It's been a roller coaster, to say the least.

So, she's in a classic "friend in the middle" situation, and it drives her insane. She seems to get pulled in many directions, not knowing how to handle the emotions around her, let alone her own. She feels she has to be responsible for how everyone feels, yet she's hurting too. She takes the blame where there is none, just to keep the peace. Is she a saint? Of course not, but one thing I know about her is she just wants everyone to be happy and get along.

I realize that I can't fix everything for her, so I have had many conversations with Serena about trusting her to do what's right. She knows I won't (God forbid, but moms do this) call the other moms and make their daughters behave! She knows I won't swoop in and rescue her or speak for her. She does know that I have every confidence that she can be who God designed her to be, whether her friends (or their mothers) like it or not. She knows that this is temporary. That one day she will find a friend who accepts her for who she is. Who doesn't try to pull her down. Who respects her desire to be a Christian. Who is just kind and fair and gentle with her. Just like she wants to be right back.

I reminded her that some of my best friends today are NOT the friends I went to school with (although I have kept in touch with one special friend from high school). I have Patty, who was 2 years older, and several friends who are both older and younger. None from my class anymore! This put perspective on it for Serena, who of course, thinks nothing will ever change. I reminded her that some of her best friends may just come from church. There are several really good girls in the grade below her at church, and I'm hoping (as is she) that those friendships will grow in time.

Serena and I also talked about making this final year of Elementary school the very best ever. To be the best student she can be. To make a new friend (her grade or otherwise), to do the best on all her projects, and to set goals for herself. I feel that if she is focused on her studies, she won't have time to hear all the blabber going on around her. Or if she does hear it, she'll have the strength to tune it out. Those are my wishes for her. Those have been my prayers for her these past few years.

And to think, school used to be about school! I know that all of the drama has distracted her the past couple of years. I find it interesting that kids these days aren't allowed to figure out their own problems anymore. It's like moms want to be on the playground, orchestrating everything. It's no wonder that the girls don't know how to act sometimes. I think it's sad. If they would spend that time being encouraging, maybe those girls would change. Maybe the confidence would come from within and it just might turn out okay with the daughter in control. Just my thoughts, opinions, and judgements, I guess.

I just want my daughter to be able to handle what comes her way. I can't always be there. I can't always whisper the answer in her ear. I have to trust her with herself because that's what's best for her in the long run. Frustrating? Yes. Especially when I see her do the right thing, and she doesn't experience satisfaction or reward. With kids, that's what they expect. Not so in life, I remind her. Doing the right thing rarely comes with an immediate reward!

And, I ask her, "where do our rewards come from?" She answers, as always, "God."

Amen.